A New Beginning...

This summer has been one of the most life changing ones I have had in a very long time. I have been searching, longing, and waiting for God to do something incredible in my life, and he has done that and SO MUCH MORE!!! I started off the summer working at Peek A Boo Point Daycare, now let me just say that I did like it there alot. I loved my kiddies, they were adorable and I got along super well with my coworkers, and last but not least, God gave me the job when I needed it! You will see that from previous posts :) But as I had been working there, starting in June, I just really felt like God was stirring me. He was putting something in my heart that said, "Becky, this is not where I want you to be anymore, this is not what I want you to do." So as any good Christian would do, I ignored him, oh wait, thats right, I was being selfish and putting myself first, not like a good Christian would do at all.

Well, Bryan(my brother)and I went to Red Rock Camp in the middle of June. For those of you reading this that dont know me, you need to know 2 very important things, first of all, Bryan is not only my little brother by 2 1/2 years, he is also my best friend. Doing camps together is a blessing that God has given us as siblings. We get the joy of knowing that as a family, we are serving Christ together. Every summer, we go to at least 2 camps and lead worship and counsel. The SECOND thing you need to know is that I LOVE CAMP MINISTRY!! Its one of my favorite places in the world to be.

So, as we were at camp, God began to speak, even more clearly about me quitting my job and following and trusting him. He did some AMAZING things at camp that week. I loved my girls, as I always do and it was just a great time for me. A time of fun and laughter, but more than that, a time of spirtual renewal. When I got home, I knew that God wanted me to quit my job, but I said, "NO"! Have you seen our economy right now? Im thankful I even have a job, I cant loose it now, how will we pay the bills and make ends meet? So I disobeyed, God had blessed and wanted to bless further, and I said no.

About 2 weeks later, it was the first week of Bible School at our church. One of my favorite weeks of the summer as well. I always lead music and it was so much fun. Well, that first night, I was at my computer before it started getting everything ready when a friend got on facebook and shared with me that they really needed me to council at Bethel Camp. Bethel is one of the first camps I ever counseled at and it means ALOT to me. However, I knew that I already had the next week off for Shiloh Camp. I begged and pleaded with God, I did not want to go. I loved Bethel, but 2 weeks of camp in a row? more than that, 2 weeks of no paycheck from work? would my boss even let me? How would we figure it all out? But God was very firm with me. "Becky, YOU ARE GOING TO BETHEL, you already told me no about the job, you will not tell me no again." so...I got a call from our superintendent while we were at Bible School and I said, "yes, I will go, as long as my boss approves it." I went into his office that next morning and my boss said, "if God wants you to go, then you need to go." We sat down and figured it all out and with no problem at all, it was set, I was going to Bethel Camp.

Now let me just say now, I would not trade me week at Bethel for anything in the world. I LOVED it! God moved, I was doing what I was passionate about and most of all, God was using me, the way he intended. I felt the stirring again, "Becky, when you get home, you have to quit your job, I have something else in mind." I wasnt ready to surrender, but I knew I had another week of camp, so I put it off. I piled in the car with my friend Luke and for the weekend went to visit he and his wife to get ready for Shiloh camp which all of us would be going to, Luke, his wife, Ali, one of my BEST friends, and their 2 adorable children. I tried to put off the decision all weekend and just focused on getting homework done before camp and having fun with 2 of my bestfriends.

We got in the car to go to Shiloh and I knew God was going to do something huge that week, I felt him sharing it with me. God did move huge!! He spoke to me the first night and I couldnt hold back any longer, I knew I had to quit my job when I got home. I went to the alter and I balled. I had friends around me praying and I knew what I had to do. I surrendered all of it and God began to bless. That week was great with my girls, with the guy campers, God used me once again. And it was then that he said, " Do you remember the call I gave you, Becky? I called you to work with youth. You have loved these past 2 weeks because you are doing what I have created you to do!" God was speaking and I was finally ready to listen.

I got home, I quit my job, and that SAME DAY, My friend Pam told me about a chance to take a class to substitute teach, but not just anywhere, in MIDDLE AND HIGHSCHOOL, the very age I felt called to work with. The next week we had a meeting at church, one that I knew would be very pivitol in the ministry of our church. I felt God speaking again. He is moving and Im so thankful. I will be heading up a new ministry called, "Life Hurts, God Heals", it is specifically for teenagers and the needs that they have. I will also have a chance to reach out into the community and bring people to Christ by working with our youth.

I have learned so much about the Blessings of Surrender this summer, more than any other. When we give God EVERYTHING, He shows us that he has SO MUCH MORE than we could ever ask or imagine just waiting for us!!

I will write more as he continues to move. I love you all and hope and pray he is moving in your lives as well.

Becky

But what if I fall?

Working at a daycare, I feel like I learn new lessons every day. Kids are people in this world that are just trying to figure it all out. The say things innocently without understanding its full meaning. The play and have fun with kids, and they dont care about color, size, anything, just that they are all friends caring for one another. Sometimes, as they are figuring life out, I see myself in them. I see things that they do and wonder if that is how I figured it all out. and sometimes, I look at them and parallel to my life.

For example, yesterday, there was a little boy that was standing at the top of the firemans pole on the playground. He wanted so badly to slide down it and enjoy the fun, but he was scared, he looked at me and said, " But Becky, what if I fall?" I looked at him and said, show me Evan, show me you can do it and I will be here to help if you need. He didnt need me, in fact, he LOVED the feeling of taking that step. I wonder if this is how life is for me right now. I am so scared in life and while i want freedom and im tired of being scared, I keep saying, " But, God, what if I fall?" and I hear his still small voice saying, 'Becky, you can do it, and if you need me, I will be here', further more I hear him saying, ' there is great blessing I have for you, if you will just take the steps of faith and not worry about falling'.

so, this is what I have done this week, with much prayer and God by my side, I have taken some HUGE steps of faith and there are still more to be taken. I cant wait to see what he continues to do as I trust him and serve him.

But the challenge, as it was for me, is, are you scared of falling? Is that what is keeping you from blessing from God. You keep asking, " but what if I fall?" God is right there, to catch you, to help you, to love you....he is there and he wants to bless you.

We all want to feel something

For the past 3 nights, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, I have had the joy and very rare priviledge of having the apartment to myself. Bryan, my brother has had various events to be at and Kelly, a friend of ours that is living with us for the summer has had his own set of events as well. And I welcomed the solitude and silence. I have done homework, I have cleaned and organized my room, and I have taken some much needed time to think and relax. It is very rare lately that I have time to sit in silence and think. Let myself think about those things that I push aside, sometimes things that I have tried NOT to think about. As I have had time alone and time to just sit and chat with God, some amazing things have happened.

None of these things are HUGE revelations and or anything, just good for me to have and go through. One of the things I have been thinking about alot lately is Mr. Right. Now, in one of my previous posts, I talked about a guy who has shown some interest and my fear to move forward or let anything happen, because of the past. Tonight, I decided to put in another chick flick, my third one of the weekend :) Actually, each one has taught me something or made me think, but tonight, I had some major revelations. I know, I know, from a chick flick? But its true.

In 13 going on 30, my ALL TIME FAVORITE chick flick, by the way, Jenna Rink has alot of great lines. As she is introducing her pitch or idea for the magazine, toward the end of the movie, she is thinking back and realizing some of the mistakes shes made, some of the things she has missed out on, and she uses this quote, " We all want to feel something, some of us have just forgotten what its like to feel, or we didnt realize what we were leaving behind". This quote, for some reason, hit me really hard tonight when I was watching the movie.

I guess because, I am in that boat right now. I have not honestly allowed myself to have true feelings for a guy in like 4 years. After college, I decided I had been hurt too many times, and I was not about to let anyone in to hurt me again. So, I quit letting myself have crushes, and if I did have a crush, I did not allow myself to feel anything for them and made the feelings, " go away", so to speak, I just didnt allow myself to think about it or feel anything. If I am being honest, I have really been numb in this area for about 4 years now. I have had my attractions to guys and I have even spoken with them and tried to let them in, but the guard was up and I never did let it down. I have family and friends in my life who are incredible, and I have had great feeling when it comes to them, but beyond those feelings of love, I am a closed door.

I just think I am finally ready to feel again. Ready to have butterflies when I see him. Ready to jump with excitement when he calls me. Ready to look into his eyes and know he sees beauty in me, that maybe I dont even see in myself. Ready to just feel SOMETHING. I have prided myself in waiting my whole life for the right guy to come along and I do not regret that at all, but if the right guy is here now and I am missing it because of fear, then I want that to end.

This guy is like my "perfect guy" or so it seems right now, and I think that is what scares me. He is a youth pastor. He loves music. He is very sensitive. He has great family values. He is great with kids and wants to have some of his own someday. He likes to spend time with me. and he has pursued me, if I would just quit pushing him away. I am not saying, he is the one. I am not even saying we will date. I am just saying, I am ready to feel again and I dont want to miss out on him, because Im scared.

I will continue to think and pray about this. Probably more in my blog later this week :)

dreams DO come true...

Okay....so I was thinking about writing this post several times this week, but I have just not had the time, so i figure while i am sitting and waiting to go on to the next thing tonight, i will take a few minutes and write the post.

i was watching my FAVORITE tv show in the world the other night, One Tree Hill. It is the season finale, and hopefully, there will be a season 7 this fall. That being said, there was alot of drama going on in the episode. Now, I am not going to recap the whole season for you, that is not the purpose of this post, not even a recap of the last episode, just a recap of the feelings I had while watching it :)

The whole show, I kept waiting for something bad to happen. I remember saying to my friend Sarah, there has to be something bad that happens, it cant all just be good and happy endings. Then my brother says, " Becky, it doesnt always have to be bad, just wait and see what happens". and it made me think. I go through life with much the same attitude. Okay, things are going really great, and instead of rejoicing in it and enjoying it, I am just waiting for the bad thing to happen that is inevitably around the corner.

But at the end, they recapped the show, and they said, " Believe that dreams do come true". lots of other things were said to, but this stuck out to me. You see in the episode, Brooke got the guy she had been dreaming of, but she had to put her heart out there, take all the risks and take a step of faith to see what was waiting on the other side and it was something AMAZING. Peyton was told that she could die if she delivered her baby, but she choose to give life to her child and in the end, she, her husband lucas and her baby, Sawyer Brooke, were living a happy life together.

All of these dreams and many more came true for others in the show as well. And as cheesy as it may be, it made me think ALOT. It made me realize that I really do need to start believeing that dreams DO come true. Life doesnt always HAVE to be bad and sometimes, when we least expect it, God is there, ready to make our dreams come true.

Work, Soccer, Pizza Ranch and that silly mix cd ....what a GREAT DAY!!!

So work. Well, I do LOVE my new job. working with babies is so much fun for me. I love feeding them and playing with them, changing them is not so much a LOVE, but I can tolerate it much more than I used to. But I am also learning alot at work. I have some great friendships there now. Friendships I am learning to love and cherish and its great to have that.

After work, it was off to a soccer game for Shiana. Shiana and Allison are going to be in middle school starting next school year and will start being in the new middle school program at church that I get to teach. And I have to say, IM SO EXCITED. These girls are AMAZING. Its nice to be looked upto and loved so much, a huge responsibility at times, but its so much fun too. Tomarrow night is Allies baseball game, and I CANT WAIT TO SURPRISE HER BY SHOWING UP!!!

then it was on to Pizza Ranch with Shiana and Allisons families and my brother and his friend, who is also Shianas older brother. We had a great time. Playing with the bouncy balls, eating delicious food, just fun, fun, fun :)

And then on my way home, I had a mix cd in that I had found the other day. I love listening to it. I have been jamming out to Backstreet Boys, NSync, and Clay Aiken :) And lots of memories come with it as well. Some hard to go through, some that make me laugh, but I have just enjoyed the mix cd, its not working very well now and skips ALOT, but I try to muddle through the great songs :)

Its been a long, and fun day :)

Letting Go...its not so bad!

Last night, my post had a little different flavor. I talked about how scared I have been lately. How scared I have been to take chances and risk being hurt AGAIN!! But today, I decided to make things different. It was a busy day, but it was fun. At 8 am, my mom and dad came over and we went to garage sales, it was ALOT of fun. I love spending quality time with them. My brother, Bryan, had to sing at a wedding, but when he was done, he called us and met up with us and we all went to lunch as a family and then came back to the apartment that my brother and I rent together and spent some time together as a family. It may not sound like much,but it made my day. Just seeing how much my parents love each other after 26 years of being married. and seeing how, even though they both had to wait and met and got married when they were older and had children when they were older, God has blessed our family in ways that I would NEVER change. We have been through some tough times together, but through it all, we have all been in it together. and it made me realize just how great of a person I really am because of my family. I have a big heart, i love singing and i have become the person that I am today, all because of them.

Later today, I got on the computer and had an unexpected note in my facebook inbox. One of the girls I have counseled at camps over the years sent me a very nice message. Now this girl was one of the tough ones, she seemed to hate me at times and was very unkind to me, she has grown up some now and so have I, but still, the note was very refreshing and unexpected. It was simply a note from seeing her last weekend when a bunch of us got together for a walk for Cistic Fibrosis to find a cure for 2 of my favorite kids in the world, Jack and Lanie. In the note, she stated that I looked different. That I seemed happier, that my skin looked amazing and that I looked great. Words of affirmation are HUGE to me, so it made my day, it took me aback, but it made my day. Then tonight, my brother and I went to see some of our friends in One Act Plays and then Smokey Row, a lot of people kept commenting on how cute I looked and how great I looked. I got the chance to sing with Bryan and that led to more people telling me how amazing my voice was. I love singing, because of the gift that God has given me, sometimes I feel highly unworthy of it, but Im thankful for it EVERYDAY.

But all this got me thinking, maybe I do have something offer. Maybe there is something there for someone to love and be attracted to. Maybe I am pretty. Maybe I have talents and abilities that would attract someone to me. Maybe I would be a good girlfriend to someone. Maybe I would make a good wife someday. Maybe I would even make a great mom someday. Maybe I am someone to be proud of.

Still working through it, but Im working on it. Letting Go!

scared...

okay...so this summer, God really blessed me with some words to some incredible songs about the things he has led me through and how he has been with me through them all. One of the songs I wrote is called Letting Go. Here are the words:

Letting Go:

Im standing in this place and Ive been here so many times before
Im holding on to things
Im just so scared to let them go
I dont think I can do this at all.

This fear it paralyzes me
This weakness overtakes me
My hands are numb from holding on so tight

But now its time
Im letting go
Where he will take me, I dont know
All I know is this peace that he has placed inside
So here I am
Im letting go
and I cant wait to see the other side.

Ive felt this way for many years
I feel as though Ive shed this tears before
At times I dont know how Ill change
or maybe I will always feel this way

This fear it paralyzes me
This weakness overtakes me
My hands are numb from holding on so tight

But now its time
Im letting go
Where he will take me, I dont know
All I know is this peace, that he has placed inside
So here I am
Im letting go
And I cant wait to see the other side.

Im letting go....and I cant wait to see whats on the other side.

I thought about this song today,because lately, my fear has really paralyzed me in some ways that are difficult for me.

I dont like to share about personal things much in my life, but since I know that only my close friends read this blog, or at least I hope that is the case, I am going to share. Not EVERY thing, just some of what has been going on.

Well, I have a fear of putting my heart out there again, I am talking about in relationships with guys. You see, my heart was broken once, and I often feel as though, its easier to just hold on tightly and not put it out there, than to risk it getting broken again. The pain and longing for someone in my life, the one that God has made for me, somehow seems easier to bear than the thought of allowing another person to break my heart and go through the pain again.

Well, these past few weeks, I feel as though God has been trying to get me to let go. First of all in my walk and life with him, to be honest with him and share things with him, and secondly to let go in a certain situation in my life.

I wont go in to great detail, but I will say that God has placed someone in my life that he is asking me to pray about. I have been praying and he has been opening doors, allowing me to see that this person is pursuing me. Tonight, this person invited me to spend sometime with he and some of his friends, I said sure and then went on about my day, he came back 2 or 3 times to confirm that I would come, and as I came home from work and got myself ready to go, I couldnt do it. I made up some excuses and I didnt go. I was scared. I thought, what happens if I go and he is just going to hurt me? The thing is, is that he wasnt mad at me at all. In fact, he was very understanding and instead of spending time with his friends, he spent the rest of the night texting with me, and assuring me that he was not angry with me.

Still, I find myself sitting here, scared. How does this dating thing work? What do I do on a date? How do I act? What do I say? Is there really anything there for him to like? Why would he pursue me? Doesnt he deserve someone better?

You see, my whole life, Ive always been the friend or the bestfriend or the little sister. I have never seen myself as the one that is worthy of being pursued, so now I find myself scared and confused. I want to show interest in someone, I want to put my heart out there again, but I dont want to risk it getting broken again. I want to love someone, I want to get married, I want to have my own children, I want to start a family. But what if Im not a good wife? What if Im a horrible mom? What if Im just not good enough for anyone and Im meant to be alone for the rest of my life?

You see, the "what ifs", they control my life right now. What if I went to hang out with him and his friends and they didnt like me? What if he decided I wasnt good enough? What if I looked really stupid? Im TIRED OF THE WHAT IFS!!! IM TIRED OF BEING SCARED!!! I want to let go!!!

I want some dreams to come true in my life. Im just tired of being SCARED.

a few of my favorite things....

so lately, one of my favorite times of the day is my 30 minute break from work. First of all, because I LOVE my new job and enjoy working at the daycare. and second of all, because at Headstart, where I worked before, I NEVER really got a break. I enjoy sitting in my car most days, sometimes eating a lunch, sometimes snacking on organic and healthy snack foods and sometimes just sitting in the silence and talking to God. Some days I read books, some days I read my Bible. but all days, I feel refreshed and feel that I have met with God, and even 30 minutes in his presence, changes me.

I love this new time in my life and growing. I love working with the babies and thinking about someday (hopefully soon) getting to meet my husband and start our own family. Which for me is good, because I have been scared to dream for so long, I had kind of forgotten about these dreams in my life, or had somehow told myself to push them away when they did come, because the reality of them coming true was not existent, so somehow believing it was just letting myself down. Yesterday, I sat and actually wrote in my journal some names of children that I like and would like to use someday when I have my own children. It was refreshing to dream again.

My health has been improving a great deal too. Less muscle pains, and alot of the hormonal issues that I was dealing with and concerns the doctors had, God has allowed my body to adjust and things are going really well for me right now. I praise God, that although this road of health issues has been long, almost 2 years now, he has been FAITHFUL to me. Faithful as I find out some medicines that work and some that dont work at all. Faithful as I felt so crappy some days, he was there with me. Faithful as I had to miss several days of work at a time a few times, my employers were all understanding. And faithful to provide for me, just when I need it most.

Im thankful I serve a great God and thankful I have made the time to spend with him lately.

The Fast is Over....but my new life with Christ has just begun!!

yesterday,was my first day being off of the fast. And I was excited....I mean to eat some of the foods that I had missed. I got to eat some chocolate ice cream cake with double fudge that some friends from church brought me, because they knew my fast broke. The people at work made a nice breakfast of eggs, sausage, and pancakes. And, there was a soup supper at church last night with pie too. I had a fun time....eating all the foods I had missed. However, I had a sadness in my heart as well. A sadness that my sacrificial time for Christ was done. But, its not. Some people I know, after they do a fast, they let life go back to the way it had been before, but I refuse to do that.

I still want to sit in my car everyday at lunch and read my Bible and do devotions, just to spend some extra time with God. I still want to be learning more about Christ and be in constant prayer about the issues of my life, and allowing him to be in complete control. I am his and he is mine and my relationship with him is important to me. Growing closer to him is the single most important thing in my life right now.

As I think about the fast and some of the things God has spoken to me, given to me, and shown me, I am thankful and amazed. I dont want this to be the end of God working in my life. and I dont want this to be the end of my treating my body with more respect as far as what I put into it and eating in a much more healthy manner.

God has been doing some great things. Speaking to me about new ministry opportunities and placing them right in my lap. Showing me who he wants me to be. and allowing me to realize that it is okay to dream again. I am learning so much about the character of our God, its funny, but its kind of like being in a new relationship. I look forward to my times with him. I get excited to learn something new about him. I long to have more time with him. And I long to show him how much I love him. I want EVERYTHING I do to be a time of serving Christ.

Also, I am learning that he really does have a perfect plan for me and allow there are days that I struggle to see why I am still in Oskaloosa, why I am still single, and why I am working at a daycare instead of full time youth ministry, he leads me, he shows me that he has a plan in mind for me. He is using me right where I am at. In a new middle school ministry, which is both scary and exciting all at the same time. he is using me to reach people at work, that would not otherwise be reached. He is using me, every time I let him.

I am so thankful to Christ for the great friends I have. The great ministry I have. and the great love that he shows me each day of my life.

Quit Playing Games With My Heart....

Sacrifice has some of the greatest rewards....

As I have been on this Daniel Fast, God has been speaking to me ALOT. He has been working in my life and has been drawing me closer to him. I am so thankful for that too. One of the things he has been doing is allowing me to look back on my life and see how far he has brought me and the ways he has made me into the person he wants me to be.
So, I was sitting in my car yesterday eating some fruit and veggies on my break from work and thinking about how much God has been doing. I put in a cd to listen to while I was eating. I grabbed one out of the glove compartment of my car and it turned out to be an old mix cd I had made for a guy I thought I was going to marry. I put it in, and began to listen. I actually began to cry.
Let me explain a little bit of our story. This guy, his name was Gary. Gary and I met in college. He was a Junior when I was a freshman. Gary and I were very good friends to begin with. We just hit it off right away. We would spend lots of time together, him playing his guitar, me singing. Sometimes we would do homework together or pray together. Gary learned to play some love songs on his guitar just for me. I remember that he made me feel special. I felt cherished, loved, worthy when he was around. When we spent time together, I felt like he cared about me alot. I remember one of the first things he ever did for me was learning to play, "Hopelessly Devoted" on his guitar for me. It was from the movie Grease. One day we were sitting at our college coffee house ministry and out of nowhere I burst into song, like I do quite often, and that was the song I chose. He worked on it for several weeks and for my birthday, he played it for me. I melted. I mean, I dont know about many other girls, but when you love to sing, and probably even if you dont, when a guy learns and plays a song just for you, its like "magic", amazingly every bad and horrible thing they have ever said or done is erased, and they are a prince.
Just a few months later, he learned another song for me, "When You Say Nothing At All" by Allison Krause. Now for those of you that are reading this, and you have been a part of my life for very long, you know that this is my all time favorite love song, when I get married, I want it at my wedding. In fact, at Meggan and Trevors wedding, two of my closest friends, Meggan made me dance with Trevor, because she knew I loved the song. She had picked it because I was a bridesmaid and she wanted to have it at the dance for me. Needless to say, when Gary played the song, I was hooked. He could have told me he hated me after singing it, and I was floating so high on cloud nine, i never would have heard it.
Gary, as you can see, was my first and actually my ONLY love. Unfortunetly, Gary broke my heart. He led me on. He played with my heart and then left me standing in confusion and heartbreak. As I listened to the cd, all of those things began to flood back in. The songs he had learned for me, the times we spent together, all of it. I had given him ALL of me, and he took my heart and broke it into pieces.
But ironically, as I listened to the songs, the reason I was crying was that I had realized that I had given ALL of myself to Gary and he wasnt even the one for me. I wasnt crying because I missed Gary, I was crying because I am dreaming of the day when I meet the man that God has for me. I was crying because I realized how much I had given to Gary and yet, I didnt know if I had been that commited to my Lord and Savior.
I love the show One Tree Hill and I watch it all the time. A couple weeks ago, Brooke shared the quote, "Im tired of being the foot note in someone elses love story." That quote came into my mind as I was reminicing. This last week, on the show, Brooke shared that she was scared to love again because her heart had been broken too many times. She had given her whole heart in relationship after relationship and over and over again it was broken. That is how I feel too. I realize that I am scared to love anyone, Im scared to let people in. I let people in after Gary. There was Jonathan, but I couldnt be myself around him. I had to smoke and swear and become someone I wasnt proud to be at all. I knew that wasnt love, so it had to end. There were others, but I got to a point where I got scared, so I did everything I could to push them away.
Now, I am 27 years old, and Im alone. I mean, I have friends and family that I would not trade for the world, but the man, the one Im going to fall in love with, the one who is going to cherish me and only me, the one who I will marry, the one who I will have kids with, the one that I will grow old with, I havent met him yet and I miss him.
Im tired of being scared, Im tired of being everyones friend or litttle sister. I want to be the girl that gets the guy in the epic love story, not the girls bestfriend. I guess Im just realizing that I want to dream again and I want to find the one that will make those dreams come true. I miss my future husband and I wish I could meet him soon.
That is all for this post, sorry if its kinda sappy, just where Im at today.

Adventures in Babysitting and other news :)

so to continue from my last blog. I babysat this weekend. My friends Donny and Leanne have two kids Ethan is 3 and Cadence is 8 months old. They are 2 of my favorite kiddies on the planet, and since you all know I work with kids alot, thats really saying something :) Ethan and Cadee are my psuedo niece and nephew. I had a great time with them this weekend, MOST of the time. Friday night, Cadee was sick and I had my first experience of projectile vomit ALL OVER. I felt so bad for her, she calmed down and then went to sleep for the night. After this sad event, Ethan wanted some pizza and a movie. So of course, Aunt Becky gave in and we order pizza and we watched some Noggin, which is a kids tv channel. All kids shows, ALL the time. Dora, Deigo, some new show thats like Dora only the girl is japanese. So Ethan ate, and then fell asleep while we were watching TV. Saturday morning came too soon though. Since Cadee had fallen asleep early, of course, as any MOM would know, she then woke up early, well Im the AUNT not the MOM, and so it was not the easiest thing in the world to wake up at 5:45 am on a Saturday :( but for Cadee I did.

Well, Saturday was a stressful and event filled day. Cadee was still very sick and so it made for a hard day. I made healthy meals though and thought I was doing pretty good. Ethan, Uncle Bryan and I had Wheat and Strawberry Pancakes for breakfast, Im on the fast and tried to stick to it with our meals this weekend. Then we had Macaroni and Cheese and Peas for Lunch, which was a little away from the fast, but the day was so hectic and I had no choice. and then for supper we had grilled cheese and tomato soup while we watched Alvin and The Chipmunks. We went to the park before supper...and met up with some of my kids from the church. Allie, Annie, Abbie, and Andie. and Alex and Kenian. It was fun for all the kids.

I am not going to lie, by the end of the night, when Donny and Leanne got back, I was exhausted. Taking care of 2 kids was SUPER stressful!! I love Ethan and Cadee, but I dont think Im ready for the full time job of being a mom. and since mr. right hasnt come in to my life yet, I dont think there is any risk of that happening :) But I did learn that being a mom is seriously a full time job. Its a 24/7 responsibility, and Im so thankful I had a mom who took her job so seriously. So I know its not mothers day, but go out and thank your moms today for all that they have done for your, their job is NOT an easy one at all :) FULL of rewards and I know they wouldnt trade it, but its definetly not easy.

In other news, so for the past few weeks at church, we have been figuring out ministry, what needs to change that sort of thing. I was asked that in August, when the 5th graders move up to 6th grade, that I would start a Middle School Sunday School class. I have to be honest and tell you that when I started in Youth Ministry and all of my years in it, my heart has always been with Highschoolers, I never did much with Jr. High, I didnt really want to. But lately, God has been softening my heart for this ministry. So...today I was doing Childrens Church with the kids and Allie and Annie (Shiana- my nickname for her is Annie), came up to me while the other kids were coloring and said, "Becky, we dont really like Childrens Church anymore, its too little kiddie for us, we were wondering if you could start doing something with us, during kids church time." I had already been thinking about it, but as we sat there and talking, I suddenly realized that these girls need this. These girls, look up to me, which is a huge responsibility in and of itself, but they need someone to step up. They sat and said, we want to do this and we like to do this and they just kept talking about all these amazing ides of stuff they would want to do, and something sparked, they said, "Becky, we need to be bringing more people to church, and if there was something at church, that we knew they would like to come to, we would totally bring our friends". First of all, I was blown away. These girls are like 11 years old and already they have this heart to reach out to their friends. But secondly, I was sad, they feel like they cant bring friends to church because there is not a ministry there for them. Well that HAS to change. We as a church have got to reach out and step up and make ministry where it needs to be.

So after church I found Pastor Dave. I told him of all that the girls had talked about. I found their moms and told them about all that we had talked about and they all said, we agree Becky, lets start it as soon as possible. So, I am going to be working with Middle Schoolers for a while now. It will stretch me and make me grow and I hope that as I grow, the girls will grow too. This is so exciting and I hope and pray that our ministry will continue to grow as God leads and lays it on the hearts of those in the body of Christ.

God is doing some AMAZING things in me as I do this fast, and I am so excited, I think I may extend it for a week!! I am just excited and amazed at all he is doing and cant wait to see him continue to work. God is good, all the time and I praise him for that!

this CRAZYweek!!

Okay....so this week, I started the Daniel Fast. You can read more about the details of it if you google Daniel Fast. Basically it is a 21 day fast. You can eat fruits, veggies, and nuts. And whole wheat as well such as whole wheat pasta and that sort of thing. Each person can make it best suited to their health and needs. for example, because I have a thyroid disorder, my body needs the nutrients of me drinking at least one glass of milk a day, this is also weird since Im lactose intolerant, but hey, they make lactose free milk now, so it all evens out....yeah, as you can see its a little difficult for me, because I have a few weirdnesses with my body :) On the fast, you are not supposed to have any milk or egg products at all. I make sure that I have at least one dairy a day, so that my muscles will stay strong with my thyroid disorder. Other than that, its just a really basic fast.
I decided to do it for 2 reasons. One, is that I am praying through some things right now and really want the Lords direction. The other is that it is just healthy. Daniel lived this way as a lifestyle, not just a fast. And I want to be living more healthy, exercising more, eating the right things, eating more organically, and this is a great way to help me in that as well. I am baby sitting right now and baby Cadee needs food, this is all for now, more later, when she is not so fussy :)

life in MY neck of the woods :)

so life is my neck of the woods right now, is both new, challenging and exciting. Im just so excited about the ways that God has been speaking to me and the things he has been sharing with me. I LOVE the fact that I work at a job right now where I actually get to take a break throughout the day. I get to leave the center for 30 whole minutes!! its amazing, in comparison to the 0 minutes I was getting at SIEDA :) so during these breaks, I have been going to get some food and then coming back and sitting in my car to read a book, do some homework, whatever I want to do. And its been sooo nice. I have been getting in some time with God each day, which is something, to be honest, that I had been lacking in ALOT. But now, I get to spend more time with him. QUALITY time. and he has been speaking to me and meeting me. I feel like over the past week, I have had a "church service" in that 2004 chevy cavalier, almost every day. and I have been trying this new thing too. Each morning before I go in to work and each time I am getting ready to go back in after my break, I pray that God will use me to bless my coworkers today. That somehow, they will see "Jesus" in me and that they will be blessed by the fact that I am working there.

This being said...there have been some frustrations of the week as well. How many of you over the past 5 years could say that you have worked in at least 4 daycares or preschools during that time? I can :) Because its something that I can do well and I have experience at it :) but if you have worked in a daycare, then you know what it can be like sometimes :) mostly, you are working with a lot of other women. Its usually a HIGH STRESS day and when its over, you are ready to leave. Somedays, you swear that you will NEVER have kids of your own and IF by some miracle, you do change your mind and decide to have kids, you KNOW that they will never be as hard to deal with as some of those children can be at times.

I love taking care of kids, it is something that I have just always enjoyed. Even when I was a kid myself, I was the "helper" in the classroom, showing kids where their lockers were or where to sit in the room. I love helping people. BUT....I HATE the drama!!! as I sat in the previous paragraph, most of the time, you work with ALL women, and being a woman myself, I know how much drama we can cause when we all get together. Now, at this daycare, there is actually a Male director and a Male Assistant Director as well. But...we still have drama!!! I just wish sometimes that "we could all just get along". I mean, we are there for the kids and yet I dont know how many times I have watched a child lying in their bed crying while 2 coworkers "discuss" whos turn it is to go on a break. or "how mad they are that "she" didnt do this right". Having 2 males there is nice for me, because I know there are at least 2 others who wont get caught in the drama. Now, I cant be totally sure that they NEVER will, but they are guys, so the chances are not as likely. Its just hard sometimes to keep a good attitude when you are around so many "negative nancys". THUS, the prayers every morning before work and every time I come in after my break. I dont want be a part of the gossip. I dont want anyone to be hurt by what I say or afraid to come and talk to me. I want them to see Christs love in ALL that I do.

the other things that have been going on are the passions and desires that God has made so strong on my heart right now. I want to share more about that in my NEXT blog, but I will just say that he is doing some great things and I am SO EXCITED for that!!!!

well, thats it for now. talk to you all again soon

In Christs Love

Becky

council meeting...new beginnings...and allergies :(

this week, although it has just begun, has been one of ups and downs for me. Well, for those of you who know me, you may already know this, but for those of you who dont, I have a HORRIBLE immune system. I get sick really easily, all due to my underactive thyroid....which thank goodness with medicine, is finally under control now :) but back to my point...so I get sick alot. And for the past year or 2 I have been getting HORRIBLE allergies as well. So this season is no different and thanks to my crappy allergies, I have been not feeling the best for a couple of days now. Good news is, once I start of my wonderful prescription allergy medicine, I should be fine again. Thus, part of my week has been on the down side.
Down side and upside on this next one...we just got home from a 3 HOUR council meeting!!! Now normally, I would be angry and say, there is no way it should be this long, and to be honest, getting home at 10:40, and my whole night being gone, not the best. But its exciting too, because our church is changing. Its moving and people are ready to let God work and that is just so awesome!!! To let him help us reach out to our hurting community, heck, I would sit through a 5 or 6 hour council meeting for that :) God is moving in our church and Im excited about it!!!
As for new beginnings, well, this is just it. God is moving and he wants to use me to be a part of that. So, I have to step up and LET him use me. He has been moving in such amazing ways these past few days, I just cant express how thankful and greatful I am that he is using me and taking care of me. Its incredible!!!!
I know that song is cheesy, but God will Make a Way, where there seems to be no way. At this time 2 weeks ago, I was sitting on this couch knowing that I would have to say goodbye to all my students after an unexpected turn of events at the school. I knew that I had made the right choice in choosing to resign from my position so I could go on and get my masters, but it still was not an easy choice. I didnt know what God had in mind, where he was going to take me, what he was going to do, how he was going to use the conference I would be going to that weekend to bless me. I had questions in my mind that I didnt even BEGIN to know the answers to, but God did and he gave me such a peace in my heart, that I knew great things were going to happen. God has not even begun to use me yet. I heard my favorite song on the radio 2 times yesterday, its an old one...but I LOVE to sing it, because the words are so real to me....here they are for all of you to read.

IF YOU WANT ME TO:

The pathway is broken
and the signs are unclear
and I dont know the reason
why you brought me here
But just because you love me
The way that you do
Im gonna walk through the valley
if you want me to

Cuz Im not who I was
When I took my first step
and im clinging to the promise
YOURE NOT THROUGH WITH ME YET
so if all of these trials
bring me closer to you
then I will go through the fire
if you want me to

So when the whole world turns against me
and im all by myself
and i cant hear you answer
my cries for help
ill remember the suffering
your love put you through
and i will go through the fire
if you want me to.

I am so thankful that God is not through with me yet and whatever comes my way, if it is for his glory and if it will bring me back to him....then I will do it!!!

coffee house, public library and pjs :0)

Okay, so my brother and I, back in October of this year, got our own apartment together. We both wanted so independence and thought that this way, we could split the bills and it would be alot easier on both of our wallets :) As most of you reading this, should know me pretty well, you know that my brother is like my bestfriend. Living with him has been fun most of the time and at times challenging, as you know that sometimes bestfriends fight, and my brother and I have our fair share of them as well :) All that being said, I love our new place. ITS SO BIG!!! We each have our own large rooms and we each have an office space now as well. It is great!! But..with all great things, come trials sometimes as well. Our trial this week has been our internet.

Now, my brother is graphic designer, so at work all day he has access to the internet and can get things done. This girl here, I work at a daycare all day, and I LOVE it it by the way. I feed, hold, and rock the babies all day,its a welcome change from what I had been doing, teaching full time. ANYWAYS....I am also seeking to get my masters in School Counseling and started classes in February for this. So I NEED the internet everyday. Well Thursday night we didnt have it. My neighbor Sarah is also getting her BA online, so we both had homework and no way to hand it in. So we decided to go to the local coffeehouse, Smokey Row. Now, as you also know, my brother used to work there and pretty much everyone there is our close friend, so going there is fun, however, not condusive to getting much studying done. But we managed. I was in my pjs, but it was okay. I kinda liked it :) and since you all know how much I like fashion, its not like everythign didnt match anyways :) Well, we got some stuff done then, but had to go back to the coffeehouse last night as well. Now friday nights are concert nights and last night was one of the worst Id ever heard.

There was a lady playing and a band and they just were horrible. I am not trying to be mean in anyway, and I know that since my brother and I are both musicians, we tend to be critical at times, but this time, it REALLY was bad. So I tried to get this project done, but didnt quite get it completed, and it was also night #2 that I went to the coffee house in my pjs :) This time a bit embarassing, but listen, when you loose your internet at your apartment for 5 days, you have to do what you have to do. So, this morning, I had to sacrifice my usual Saturday morning sleeping in, because I had to wake up to come to the public library to finish my project and send it in. and of course,day #3 of being in my pjs in a public place :) I feel like such a scrub, but hey, its kinda like being in college again :)

I am actually LOVING being in school again and cant wait to do more classes and obtain my masters soon. I will get to work with Middle and Highschoolers everyday. I will have my masters in school counseling, speicalizing in Jr. and Sr. High age. I cant wait!!! And I love all the stuff that I am learning already. It has been amazing and fun!!!

Any of you who knew my in college, knew that socializing was #1 to me, my classes, not so much. You would be shocked at the change in me. I forego hanging out with friends so that I can finish a project or discussion for class. I would rather read a book than watch TV!! I am so disciplined in this and I love it!!!

So that is my life right now. Sometimes I have to be a scrub, sometimes I have to focus on an assignment, but all in all, I LOVE IT!!

Sprite and Banana Nut Cheerios

Okay, so today was my 3rd day at my new job. I love it there. It is so much fun actually. and I didnt realize how much stress I had in my life, until it is gone. I am feeling that working here is allowing me to do better in ministry and helping me to get closer to God and helping me to become a healthier person as well. IT IS AWESOME!!! I am so thankful to God right now.
Before work, I got to sleep in a little bit and leisurely enjoy the morning, as I didnt have to be there until 10 am :) Let me back up a second, last night, my brother and I went grocery shopping for the apartment we rent together. It was the first time in a very long time, so it was a big trip. While we were getting the essential cereal for our house, I found it in the isle, it was like it was glowing, calling my name, Banana Nut Cheerios. I am really into organic and healthy eating right now and they are 100% Natural!!! So this morning as I woke up, I thought about how I would enjoy this cereal and decided to put some in a baggie to take in my car to eat on my break at work. and it was amazing!! I went and got a sprite and enjoyed my snack, it was DELICIOUS!!! One of the best snacks I have had in a long time.
As I sat in my car, I thought about all that the past few weeks had brought me. And I realized that just as I had been missing out on this snack, I, in a sense, was missing out on life. I was so focused on work and always stressing out, I had no time for myself and no time for my savior, AND the worse part is that I didnt even realize it.
Im so thankful that as we are willing to follow God, he brings the right things at the right times for us.
This week has been INCREDIBLE. Im happy, relaxed and enjoying life again!!!!

Many Colored Days...

Okay, so I just started my new job yesterday. I am working at a daycare primarily with the infants right now, but floating wherever they may need me. Now, for those of you who know me, I have worked at MANY daycares and taught at several preschools. Its something I can do, and I dont mind doing, but not something I want to do for the rest of my life. But this job has been so relaxing and rewarding, just because of all the stress that has been lifted off of me. I get to go in, play with the kids, and then come home and work on homework and just relax!! How great is that? Plus, the place is a Christian School. And my boss happens to be a friend of mine from church who gave me the job, pretty much on the spot :) He and I had about an 8 hour interview process on Tuesday, between me going in the rooms and getting to know everyone and our talking. For about 3 hours of our interview time, we talked about ministry and how God could use this building and this daycare to further his kingdom and that we want to be a part of that. How amazing is that??? I think it is very amazing. I cant wait to start doing some of these great ideas and putting them into practice!!

This is a short blog, but I will write more tonight.

God Bless

Becky

The Start of Something New...

So....in 2000, I started going to Bible College. I didnt know what God wanted me to do when I started, and to be honest, I didnt care. I was mad at him for calling me to this college in Oskaloosa, Iowa, less than 2 blocks from the house I had grown up in most of my growing up years. But, God called, and I went. Soon after being there, I realized that God had much more of a plan that I ever realized. I loved to sing, I was so mad that I was not only at the college I really didnt want to be at, but they didnt even have a MUSIC program!! What in the world???? Slowly, Gods plan came to fruition. I was given the opportunity to be on Deputation Teams. Every weekend, all summer, and during breaks. I LOVED it!!!! I got to sing all the time AND get paid for it. But then, another passion and desire and more than that, a call, was placed on my life through this. A call to Youth Ministry.
I was counseling at camps and leading youth in worship and leading them into these amazing times with God. I was leading small groups of girls and having a great time, and I LOVED IT SO MUCH!!
Then I came back and knew that youth ministry was my call, so I pursued and finished my BA in Youth Ministries in 2005. It was then that I got confused and didnt know what to do after college or where to go, so I began teaching at daycares and preschools. While, I can do this and am not bad at it, its not what God called me to do.
I realized this a few months ago and then God began to speak. He began to show me that where I was working was not where I should be. It was a corrupt place and many wrong things were going on . I began to pray that he would show me his plan and what he had next. So, that he did.
I really started feeling on my heart the call to pursue my masters degree in couseling and further my education. I started feeling that this is what God wanted me to get back into Youth Ministries as he had called me to so many years ago and that this is how he wanted to do it. So, I found a great online school, so I could keep working and go to school at the same time.
But....the people at the school I was teaching in, did not want me to get my masters. They gave me many ultimatums. 2 of which I prayed through and knew what God was asking of me. They told me that if I wanted to keep working there, I couldnt get my masters and I couldnt go to the youth ministry conference in February. Both of which I knew God was calling me to. So, I resigned, it broke my heart, I couldnt hardly stand saying goodbye to my classroom of kids, but God gave me strength and helped me through. I was at the Youth Ministry conference and knew what God was saying, he was reassuring me and loving on me and showing me that I was answering his call and he would honor that.
When I got home I had a job interview and went in today and got the job!!! I start tomarrow. It is at a christian school and a place that is willing to help fund and work out many ministries. One of which I hope will be Life Hurts, God Heals. An 8 step healing program for middle schoolers, highschoolers, and college age/young adult students. Another of which will be a ministry to moms. So much potential and its all because of the amazing God we serve!!!!
More later as God continues to work!!!

This is my life....well, it was until 3 days ago.. more later :)

Some much to say...so many ears to listen :)

Well, I have really gotten into this whole blogging thing. I have been blogging alot on my facebook, but decided that I would set up a blogging spot of my own.

My life is not all that exciting, most days I go to work, and teach preschoolers, then I go home and put together my lesson plans for the next days class. On Fridays I will occasionally go to a soccer game at Vennard College, where I graduated from in 2005, but still have some great friends there:) or watch movies and hang out with friends.

I have 2 honorary nephews, Ethan is 3 years old. He is very cute and I enjoy spending a great deal of time with him. When he calls me Aunt Becky, it just melts my heart :) He is amazing and very smart. he is the child of my friends Donny and Leanne and they are 2 of the most amazing people I have ever met. I really enjoy them alot.

Gabe is 1 year old. Gabe is my bestfriend Shannons son. He is very cute and I love him. He is not quite old enough to talk yet, so I dont get to have quite the melt my heart moments with him as far as the cute and nice things he will say to me. BUT, I have plenty of other melt my heart moments without verbal communication :)

I have the most amazing mom and dad and Im very greatful for them.
And I have one little brother, well, he is 24 years old, but since I am 26, he is still my LITTLE brother:) and he is one of my best friends too. We are getting ready to move into a GREAT apartment together and I am super psyched about that!!! Independence, friendship with my bro, and getting to live closer to my friends, its going to be AWESOME!!!!

Well, I think thats all I will write for now, That is a little about me, which, if you are reading this, are things you may already know about me:) but none the less. here it is, the beginning to a beautiful friendship in the blogging world :)