I am going to write part 2 of the friendship blog, here in the next few days. Still something Im really thinking about and is on my heart, but I have something else that I need to share and talk about right now. Something that God has been really impressing on me the past 2 weeks. I started taking the class called, PERSPECTIVES. It is a class about Missions, actually, it is a class about who God really is and the call that he has placed on each of our lives. In this class, I have learned many things. Not just through the class though, or even the homework. Its something God has been stirring in my heart for months now.
Yesterday was my birthday, the big 2-9. My last year of my 20s! AHHHH!!! I am getting so old!!! It was fun, had lots of friends by my side. But I couldnt help but continually thinking about my mom. It was about a year ago, around the time of my birthday last year, when my mom started going through her depression. Now, as I have said before, she has dealt with it all of her life, but last year at this time, was when her most recent bout started. Just 2 weeks later she was in a horrible car accident, after trying to kill herself and was hospitalized for 7 weeks. She went through alot of physical health problems at this time along with mental health issues. Since then, it has been a roller coaster. She has had up times and down times. All I really wanted for my birthday yesterday was to get a call that she had been miracuosly healed. That she was talking and laughing again and that she was herself again. This, however, was not the case. And I will be honest and say, I was mad at God for a while yesterday. I thought, cant you even give me one good present? Cant you give me something good? Can I just have my mom back, and can I just not live alone anymore? And can I just meet the man of my dreams? And.....on and on and on. But you know what, ITS NOT ABOUT ME!! None of it is!!
While I know that God loves me and has a plan for me that I couldnt even begin to fathom, NONE of this life is about me. When he created the World and when he wrote the Bible, it was about worshipping him! ITS ABOUT HIM!! All of it. My mom will be healed in HIS ways and in HIS time, and for HIS GLORY. I will find the man of my dreams, in GODS timing, when HE is ready and when HE shows me who that man is that HE has created just for me, and I for him.
I have been reading alot more than ever lately, partly for class, partly for lesson planning, mostly, because for the first time in my life, I have a passion to devour the word of God and truly know him more, to love him more than I do. One book I have been reading is called, Crazy Love, by Francis Chan, I love it, because its like the journey that God took him on and is taking him on, is so parallel to the one that I am starting on, Im so glad that he wrote books and made videos of this time, God inspired him to do that, and I think we can all learn from that. In one of his books, he quotes A.W. Tozer, who is also a great author and theologian. Tozer says that "what you think about God, is the most important thing about you". Think about that, what I think about God, is the most important thing about me? Now why is that? I think its several things. First of all, because how I think of him and react to him, is reflected in my everyday life. The question I have been asking myself is this, do I even think enough about God?
Chan made these videos to go along with the book he wrote, and in one of them he takes a stick and he writes the name of God in the sand, he procedes to talk about God, who he really is, what he has done. Why we should be in awe of him, and then he says, but who is he to you? Or is he just a name in the sand? And I have been thinking about that all day. Because not for one second do I just want God to be a name in the sand to me. But, has he become that in my life? Have I known him for so long, that he is just another person in my life, just another name. Am I even in awe of him and his greatness. Or do I just expect him to be there in my life, and get angry when hes not, or offer a 30 second praise when he does something I like? I have to say, that until recently, he has been just that to me, just a name in the sand. I have heard the stories of Jesus so many times, I dont even listen to them anymore. I have sung so many songs about him and his power, I dont even know if I believe it anymore. I have prayed so many prayers, and I dont even know if I expect them to come true anymore. WHO IS GOD TO ME! And why have I made it all about ME for so long?
I want to know him more, I want to love him more, I vow that from this point on, God is and will always be much more than a name in the sand to me!!! HOw about you?
Love
Becky
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Friends are Friends Forever Part 2
Okay, so as promised, part 2 of the blog:
Shannon. Shannon and I have been very close since college. I graduated from college in 2005. We went to Vennard College together for a few years. We actually met at a summer camp during my freshman year of college, her senior year of high school. She came to Vennard the following fall, she was a freshman, I was a sophmore, we lived down the hall from each other, and while I tease her alot, I thought that she hated me at camp. I was a counselor and I just thought that she and her friends hated me. I really have no basis for this thought at all. Other than, I had very low self esteem and probably just assumed that she didnt like me. None the less, when she got to college, we became fast friends. We would stay up late at night in the dorm, Shannon, Me, and Jill, our rooms were almost right in order down the hallway of the 2nd floor of the dorm, just one girl in between shannon and my rooms, lavonne, I always felt bad for her, because the 3 of us girls were night owls, we loved to stay up late, not studying or anything crazy like that. No, we liked to laugh and joke. If i told you of some of the things we talked about or games we made up, youd think we were crazy, which we probably were! But, we were bestfriends! Shannon got married while we were still in college and moved out of the dorm. This was a hard time for me, because now she lived in a house across town, and so we didnt get to have our late nights in the dorm. Id still drive over and be at her house until very late at night, but I missed her in the dorm. After college, we both remained in the same town. Shannons senior year, she asked me to be in her Senior Chapel, this was right after quite a difficult time in her life, which I am not going to disclose here. She went through some tough times, and I as a friend, tried to be there for her as much as I possibly could. She did an amazing job speaking! I was so proud of her! To this day, I am still very proud of her. Shannon and I dont live in the same town anymore, and sometimes I miss being able to drive across town when I want to see her. I miss having someone who just knows me inside and out and how I am feeling before I even tell her. Someone who often times, feels the same way I do about about things. Shannon is the true definition of a friend. She is someone who has loved me not in spite of all of my short comings, but rather, BECAUSE of them. She loves me for exactly the person that I am and has never expected me to be someone different. She has spurred me on at times to be someone greater than I am allowing myself to be and she has supported me when noone else did. She has been there through the tough times of life that I didnt want to share with anyone else. And she inspires me each day to be a better person. She pushes me to grow closer to God and to follow his heart.
Meggan is another friend from college. Meggan and I, are a little bit more alike than Shannon and I. That is, we both love pop music, we both love fashion, and in college, we were both pretty boy crazy, I, admittedly, much more than she! Meggan and I would have overnighters all the time! Shed sleep on one of the bed and me on the other, someone always had a foot in their face :) but we somehow didnt care! Meggan always makes me laugh. and Meggan has always thought more of me than I have of myself. She has always seen something greater in me than I have seen in myself. Meggan is that friend, that now, lives hours away from me. She lives 6 hours away from me right now :( but, she is the friend who, no matter how much distance or time has passed between us, we always pick back up right where we left off! I remember 2 summers ago, it had been quite a while since we had seen each other, and we were asked to counsel at a camp together, just the 2 of us girls! and I LOVED IT!! We stayed up late at night, after our girls went to bed and we just talked. Like old times. This summer, when my mom went missing for a few days, Meggan got right on the phone and in tears asked me if there was anything she could do and scolded me for not calling to talk to her about things before they got to this point. She wanted to be there for me, and I had, in a sense, robbed her of that chance. Meggan is another TRUE friend. She has always been there for me. She has always cared for me. She is a "forever friend" if you will. Someone I know, that for the rest of my life, she will always been in my "top 5 friends list". Yes I have one of those :) But Meggan is definetly one of those.
WOW!!! This is kinda fun for me! Hope you guys are still tracking with me, I still have a few more and then I am going to tell you why I did this at the end :)
Melissa. Melissa is a friend from Red Rock Camp. It is hard for me to remember how long we have known each other at this point. I would say at least 5 years, probably 7 years actually. At any rate...Melissa is like a long lost friend, that I wish I would have known for many more years of my life than I have. Melissa is someone who I can lean on. She is someone who doesnt judge me. She loves me for exactly who I am and would not expect me to be anything else around her. Melissa and I live about 3 hours apart, but the distance doesnt keep us from being close. Melissa is the type of friend who calls just to see how I am doing. Who genuinely cares about me and my well being. She wants the best for me in life. And I am SO THANKFUL for that!! Melissa is someone who is a good listener, but she is always someone who allows me to share in her hurts and pains with her, and someone who shares the joys with me too!!! Shes just a great friend! When I have worries or anxiety, she doesnt think Im crazy, in fact, she understands and tries to help me through it!
Trista. Trista is someone who I have not known for that long. Actually, I just met her when I moved here to Sumner. She has been AMAZING though, and has made this move one that has been easy. You see, I told you that I was scared about moving here and finding genuine friends, Trista is one of those to me! She allows me to be completely myself around her. She is one of the few people in my life who I am able to tell EVERYTHING to. I mean EVERYTHING! Her 15 year old son said to me the other day, "I think you and my mom are long lost sisters", and I will be honest with you, I think he could be right! This year, as I was diagnosed with PCOS, I thought it was the end of the world, I didnt feel like I would have anyone to talk to about it, because noone would understand, God blessed me with Trista! She has it too! I can share this here, because God has done some amazing miracles in her life through it! When I was diagnosed, the doctor informed me, that it may be that when the time came and I was married and ready for children, I just might not be able to have them. I was DEVESTATED! I have always dreamed of being a wife and a mom...and that dream seemed to have been shot down. But as I sit with Trista, in her home, having heard that her doctor said the same thing, God has assured me he is BIGGER! Because, we sit in her home, with her 15 year old son, her 7 year old son, her 3 triplet sons, and her beautiful daughter, and I see that with God it is all possible! She is an amazing mother who I am blessed to know and model some of my life after! She is someone who knows and understands this thing I deal with, when I thought noone else would! We can sit and talk for hours in her house, on the phone. We just talk! Shes an inspiration to me and she is someone who, has dreams for me just as I have dreams for myself. She wants to see me happy and she wants to see me succeed.
These 4 women have been AMAZING inspirations in my life! I am sharing these women, because I know we all have these people in our lives, those people who make us better and stronger. Without them in our lives, we would not be the same. I also want you to see and understand this, I have had the priviledge and chance to also BE friend to many people. So while this post, I shared with you those who have poured in to me, and these are just 4 of MANY people who have poured in to me, next post, about friendship, I am going to share with you some of those people who God has blessed me and allowed me to impact. Not in a conceded way at all, more in a way of humbleness, that God allowed me to be a part of his plan. THat he chose to use me and bless me through that! How great a gift!
I also want to share in other posts more of those people who have poured in to me, so look for your name in future posts :) To all of you who have been my friends, who have taken the time to pour into my life, I want to say, THANK YOU! You have made me who I am today, and you continue to spur me on to make myself a better person each day of my life. I am blessed because you are part of my life! I will never be the same because of you in my life. Lets continue to serve and love our GOD together!
Shannon. Shannon and I have been very close since college. I graduated from college in 2005. We went to Vennard College together for a few years. We actually met at a summer camp during my freshman year of college, her senior year of high school. She came to Vennard the following fall, she was a freshman, I was a sophmore, we lived down the hall from each other, and while I tease her alot, I thought that she hated me at camp. I was a counselor and I just thought that she and her friends hated me. I really have no basis for this thought at all. Other than, I had very low self esteem and probably just assumed that she didnt like me. None the less, when she got to college, we became fast friends. We would stay up late at night in the dorm, Shannon, Me, and Jill, our rooms were almost right in order down the hallway of the 2nd floor of the dorm, just one girl in between shannon and my rooms, lavonne, I always felt bad for her, because the 3 of us girls were night owls, we loved to stay up late, not studying or anything crazy like that. No, we liked to laugh and joke. If i told you of some of the things we talked about or games we made up, youd think we were crazy, which we probably were! But, we were bestfriends! Shannon got married while we were still in college and moved out of the dorm. This was a hard time for me, because now she lived in a house across town, and so we didnt get to have our late nights in the dorm. Id still drive over and be at her house until very late at night, but I missed her in the dorm. After college, we both remained in the same town. Shannons senior year, she asked me to be in her Senior Chapel, this was right after quite a difficult time in her life, which I am not going to disclose here. She went through some tough times, and I as a friend, tried to be there for her as much as I possibly could. She did an amazing job speaking! I was so proud of her! To this day, I am still very proud of her. Shannon and I dont live in the same town anymore, and sometimes I miss being able to drive across town when I want to see her. I miss having someone who just knows me inside and out and how I am feeling before I even tell her. Someone who often times, feels the same way I do about about things. Shannon is the true definition of a friend. She is someone who has loved me not in spite of all of my short comings, but rather, BECAUSE of them. She loves me for exactly the person that I am and has never expected me to be someone different. She has spurred me on at times to be someone greater than I am allowing myself to be and she has supported me when noone else did. She has been there through the tough times of life that I didnt want to share with anyone else. And she inspires me each day to be a better person. She pushes me to grow closer to God and to follow his heart.
Meggan is another friend from college. Meggan and I, are a little bit more alike than Shannon and I. That is, we both love pop music, we both love fashion, and in college, we were both pretty boy crazy, I, admittedly, much more than she! Meggan and I would have overnighters all the time! Shed sleep on one of the bed and me on the other, someone always had a foot in their face :) but we somehow didnt care! Meggan always makes me laugh. and Meggan has always thought more of me than I have of myself. She has always seen something greater in me than I have seen in myself. Meggan is that friend, that now, lives hours away from me. She lives 6 hours away from me right now :( but, she is the friend who, no matter how much distance or time has passed between us, we always pick back up right where we left off! I remember 2 summers ago, it had been quite a while since we had seen each other, and we were asked to counsel at a camp together, just the 2 of us girls! and I LOVED IT!! We stayed up late at night, after our girls went to bed and we just talked. Like old times. This summer, when my mom went missing for a few days, Meggan got right on the phone and in tears asked me if there was anything she could do and scolded me for not calling to talk to her about things before they got to this point. She wanted to be there for me, and I had, in a sense, robbed her of that chance. Meggan is another TRUE friend. She has always been there for me. She has always cared for me. She is a "forever friend" if you will. Someone I know, that for the rest of my life, she will always been in my "top 5 friends list". Yes I have one of those :) But Meggan is definetly one of those.
WOW!!! This is kinda fun for me! Hope you guys are still tracking with me, I still have a few more and then I am going to tell you why I did this at the end :)
Melissa. Melissa is a friend from Red Rock Camp. It is hard for me to remember how long we have known each other at this point. I would say at least 5 years, probably 7 years actually. At any rate...Melissa is like a long lost friend, that I wish I would have known for many more years of my life than I have. Melissa is someone who I can lean on. She is someone who doesnt judge me. She loves me for exactly who I am and would not expect me to be anything else around her. Melissa and I live about 3 hours apart, but the distance doesnt keep us from being close. Melissa is the type of friend who calls just to see how I am doing. Who genuinely cares about me and my well being. She wants the best for me in life. And I am SO THANKFUL for that!! Melissa is someone who is a good listener, but she is always someone who allows me to share in her hurts and pains with her, and someone who shares the joys with me too!!! Shes just a great friend! When I have worries or anxiety, she doesnt think Im crazy, in fact, she understands and tries to help me through it!
Trista. Trista is someone who I have not known for that long. Actually, I just met her when I moved here to Sumner. She has been AMAZING though, and has made this move one that has been easy. You see, I told you that I was scared about moving here and finding genuine friends, Trista is one of those to me! She allows me to be completely myself around her. She is one of the few people in my life who I am able to tell EVERYTHING to. I mean EVERYTHING! Her 15 year old son said to me the other day, "I think you and my mom are long lost sisters", and I will be honest with you, I think he could be right! This year, as I was diagnosed with PCOS, I thought it was the end of the world, I didnt feel like I would have anyone to talk to about it, because noone would understand, God blessed me with Trista! She has it too! I can share this here, because God has done some amazing miracles in her life through it! When I was diagnosed, the doctor informed me, that it may be that when the time came and I was married and ready for children, I just might not be able to have them. I was DEVESTATED! I have always dreamed of being a wife and a mom...and that dream seemed to have been shot down. But as I sit with Trista, in her home, having heard that her doctor said the same thing, God has assured me he is BIGGER! Because, we sit in her home, with her 15 year old son, her 7 year old son, her 3 triplet sons, and her beautiful daughter, and I see that with God it is all possible! She is an amazing mother who I am blessed to know and model some of my life after! She is someone who knows and understands this thing I deal with, when I thought noone else would! We can sit and talk for hours in her house, on the phone. We just talk! Shes an inspiration to me and she is someone who, has dreams for me just as I have dreams for myself. She wants to see me happy and she wants to see me succeed.
These 4 women have been AMAZING inspirations in my life! I am sharing these women, because I know we all have these people in our lives, those people who make us better and stronger. Without them in our lives, we would not be the same. I also want you to see and understand this, I have had the priviledge and chance to also BE friend to many people. So while this post, I shared with you those who have poured in to me, and these are just 4 of MANY people who have poured in to me, next post, about friendship, I am going to share with you some of those people who God has blessed me and allowed me to impact. Not in a conceded way at all, more in a way of humbleness, that God allowed me to be a part of his plan. THat he chose to use me and bless me through that! How great a gift!
I also want to share in other posts more of those people who have poured in to me, so look for your name in future posts :) To all of you who have been my friends, who have taken the time to pour into my life, I want to say, THANK YOU! You have made me who I am today, and you continue to spur me on to make myself a better person each day of my life. I am blessed because you are part of my life! I will never be the same because of you in my life. Lets continue to serve and love our GOD together!
Friends are Friends Forever....right???
I LOVE my new job!!! I just have to tell you that right now. I started here in October, and I will be the first to admit to you, it is not been all candy and roses, there have been some big ups and downs. I had to make a big choice in moving to Sumner. To move away from my hometown, where I have lived all of my life. To leave my daddy, living all alone, while my mom recovers in a rehabilition care center. To leave my mom and drive further away from her, making it impossible for me to visit her often. Alot of sacrifice. To coming here, where, while I knew people from visiting this church before, I had no real ties of friendship, that I knew I had people I could fully trust to share my life with. To living in an apartment, alone, with no family and no roomates, which I have never done before, and to be honest, I HATE! I love having people around me, Im actually one of those people who doesnt like much time of silence or aloneness, oh I need it sometimes, but I dont really thrive on it. To meeting and getting to know 30-40 new youth and what makes them tick and what ministry works best for them. And finally, getting to know my God, which to be honest, I dont even feel like I have known that well until now.
Alot of hard and rough times, all of which, have brought me down on my face before God and all of which I wouldnt trade for the World, because it has brought me to a place before God, in which I have never been before. Wow, what a back story to the actualy blog of today :)
So....as I said, I LOVE my new job! I love the high school girls that I get to minister to and the fun we have and also the deep conversations we have. I love the high school guys we have, and the fact that somehow, God has wired me in such a way, that I am able to have good ministry with guys as well as girls. I enjoy learning about new xbox games, watching wrestling, as in the high school sport, which is actually a very enjoyable sport for me to watch right now, never thought id say that, I love watching and hearing about their basketball games. and talking sports with them, lets be honest, I know next to nothing about sports, as any of you who know me at all would know well, but I have a confession, Im starting to like sports! I LOVE watching football. I am starting to like baseball...weird, I know. and EVEN Basketball, which to those of you who were in college with me, I mean the sport, not just the guys anymore :) And I love my ministry with the middle schoolers. The middle school boys make me laugh so much, oh they can be crazy and hyper and times, im not a saint, sometimes they can even try my patience :O), but I LOVE their craziness! and my middle school girls, right now, this might be my favorite part of the ministry, which to be honest with you, is not typical of me at all. I have always LOVED high school ministry, thrived on it. and I still have that here, but wow, my middle school girls, they are amazing!!!
We have a middle school girls Bible Study on Tuesday Nights, and we are talking about Friendship now. I am loving preparing lessons for the different groups I teach now, first of all, because I do love teaching, and second, because I also learn from what I am teaching. I feel like some of my best lessons come out of what I have already learned or am learning right now. So, friendship. I have been thinking about it all week, what does it mean to be a friend? Who are my closest friends? How important is friendship in my life? How important is it to God? So, I wanted to jot down some of my thoughts about it.
I asked alot of my friends these same questions and will be using their responses throughout this series of lessons we are doing. The 2 most common answers I got were these, a true friend is someone who I can fully be myself around and I dont have to be anything but myself. and the other was, a true friend is someone who, even if you dont talk to or see each other every day, is there and you can pick up with them right where you left off, as if no time has passed at all. I want to share with you, some of my closest friends and why they are people in treasure in my life. DISCLAIMER: If your name does not show up, please know that you are still important to me, I just dont think anyone would read a 5000 page blog for me to write all of that, as this is already a very long blog. :) so, you will have to join in to part 2, where I share with you, some of my closest friends and my thoughts on friendship.
Love you all.
Becky
Alot of hard and rough times, all of which, have brought me down on my face before God and all of which I wouldnt trade for the World, because it has brought me to a place before God, in which I have never been before. Wow, what a back story to the actualy blog of today :)
So....as I said, I LOVE my new job! I love the high school girls that I get to minister to and the fun we have and also the deep conversations we have. I love the high school guys we have, and the fact that somehow, God has wired me in such a way, that I am able to have good ministry with guys as well as girls. I enjoy learning about new xbox games, watching wrestling, as in the high school sport, which is actually a very enjoyable sport for me to watch right now, never thought id say that, I love watching and hearing about their basketball games. and talking sports with them, lets be honest, I know next to nothing about sports, as any of you who know me at all would know well, but I have a confession, Im starting to like sports! I LOVE watching football. I am starting to like baseball...weird, I know. and EVEN Basketball, which to those of you who were in college with me, I mean the sport, not just the guys anymore :) And I love my ministry with the middle schoolers. The middle school boys make me laugh so much, oh they can be crazy and hyper and times, im not a saint, sometimes they can even try my patience :O), but I LOVE their craziness! and my middle school girls, right now, this might be my favorite part of the ministry, which to be honest with you, is not typical of me at all. I have always LOVED high school ministry, thrived on it. and I still have that here, but wow, my middle school girls, they are amazing!!!
We have a middle school girls Bible Study on Tuesday Nights, and we are talking about Friendship now. I am loving preparing lessons for the different groups I teach now, first of all, because I do love teaching, and second, because I also learn from what I am teaching. I feel like some of my best lessons come out of what I have already learned or am learning right now. So, friendship. I have been thinking about it all week, what does it mean to be a friend? Who are my closest friends? How important is friendship in my life? How important is it to God? So, I wanted to jot down some of my thoughts about it.
I asked alot of my friends these same questions and will be using their responses throughout this series of lessons we are doing. The 2 most common answers I got were these, a true friend is someone who I can fully be myself around and I dont have to be anything but myself. and the other was, a true friend is someone who, even if you dont talk to or see each other every day, is there and you can pick up with them right where you left off, as if no time has passed at all. I want to share with you, some of my closest friends and why they are people in treasure in my life. DISCLAIMER: If your name does not show up, please know that you are still important to me, I just dont think anyone would read a 5000 page blog for me to write all of that, as this is already a very long blog. :) so, you will have to join in to part 2, where I share with you, some of my closest friends and my thoughts on friendship.
Love you all.
Becky
Monday, January 17, 2011
Fasting, Perspectives, and Who is God to me?
So I became very public a few weeks ago sharing with you that I was going to do the Daniel Fast again, as the rest of the church was doing this too. Some of the congregation, not all of them. Well, about 5 or 6 days into the fast, I began to hear comments from those around me about why they had chosen not to do the fast this year, things like, "because God has not called me", or "its become a ritual to me and its lost significance". And many other reasons as well. As I continued with my fast, things began to ring in my ears, God began asking me why I was really doing this fast, was it really for him, and did I really even know who he was at this point in my life. So I began to listen to myself, the things I would say through out the day. Yes, I do talk to myself often in my mind, its not crazy, just a motivation thing at times :) And I began to listen to my prayers to God. And several things rang in my head that I just couldnt look past. I kept thinking about all the weight I would loose, so I would look better on the outside and then maybe I would feel better about myself all the way around. I was thinking about how through this, by my sacrifice maybe God would miraculously heal my mom, and if I stopped earlier, maybe he would make her sick forever and NEVER heal her. and I began to realize that I was getting very physically ill, because this fast was effecting my thyroid issues as well. And so, after much prayer and consideration, I stopped the fast. And to be honest, I feel free, somehow I feel closer to God, because Im growing closer to him in ways that HE is asking, not on MY terms.
But I learned ALOT from this as well. You see, this has been my walk with God. Its always been about me. How does my walk with him make ME feel? How does being a Christian affect MY life? but this is where I have been WRONG!! Its not about me at all....not even one part of it!! Its about GOD!! And I have to be honest and tell you that right now, I find myself at a place that I dont even know how much I actually know God. I have been a Christian all myself, I have heard about him and read about him and taught about him and sung about him and wrote papers about him, but do I really KNOW him? Does my relationship with him really change me? NO! Because I have been making it about ME for far to long! When I pray, its because I have things I need him to do for me or for those that I love. When he doesnt answer in the way that I think he should, I get angry with him and pull away rather than drawing closer and realizing that he has a GREATER plan than I could ever dream.
I love the skit guys, and they do this skit called, Gods Chisel. I will try to attach it to this, but I cant promise anything :) Im not that technically saavy....however, there is a quote from it that I want to use. They say, "When you look in the mirror who do you see?....if its still you, then I still have work to do, because when you look at that mirror and when others look at you, I want them to see my son!" I want that to be my life. When people look at me, they dont see me at all. They see God! But in order for that to happen, I must know him, much more than I do right now.
This is my honest heart right now. I want to know God more than I do right now. I want to love him more than I do right now. I want to serve him more than I do right now. I want to be like him. I want him to be seen in me much more than he is right now. At the end of the day though, what I want doesnt even matter, its what HE wants. So I want to ask you, who is God to you right now? Do you know him? I am taking an AMAZING class right now, it is called PERSPECTIVES. Its about God, who he is and how I can let him radically change my life and then share that with others. Its incredible!! The speaker last night, he was awesome. He shared some great stuff, but he shared this quote that has just been "haunting" me.
He asked us this: "Are you following God or are you living your life and asking him to follow you?" I had to really think about this and tell you that honestly, until last night, I would say that i was living the later. I was asking God to answer my prayers in my way and do what I wanted. Rather than trusting that he had a great plan and that I just needed to surrender and follow it!
I was thinking about this the other day. I have been through alot this year. And was asking God to help me understand why. Mainly for me to understand why it is that after praying for my mom to get better over and over and over again, why he couldnt just reach down and make it better all at once. But it became abundantly clear to me the other day. You see, if he had done that, I would still be at the same place in my relationship with that I always have been. Maybe a little more greatful and thankful. But I wouldnt be on my face before him right now trying my hardest to find him and who he is. And I certainly wouldnt have been changed in the way that I have been. He had to drag me down to the pit, so that I would see how much I needed him and so that I would truly begin to rely on him and who he wants to be in my life.
I make this promise, to you, my family and friends, to my youth group, but most of all, to MY GOD! I WILL BE CHANGED! You will see Christ in me. You will see me becoming more like him in all that I do! I am a FOLLOWER OF CHRIST no questions! I am HIS, WHOLLY AND COMPLETELY HIS!!!
But I learned ALOT from this as well. You see, this has been my walk with God. Its always been about me. How does my walk with him make ME feel? How does being a Christian affect MY life? but this is where I have been WRONG!! Its not about me at all....not even one part of it!! Its about GOD!! And I have to be honest and tell you that right now, I find myself at a place that I dont even know how much I actually know God. I have been a Christian all myself, I have heard about him and read about him and taught about him and sung about him and wrote papers about him, but do I really KNOW him? Does my relationship with him really change me? NO! Because I have been making it about ME for far to long! When I pray, its because I have things I need him to do for me or for those that I love. When he doesnt answer in the way that I think he should, I get angry with him and pull away rather than drawing closer and realizing that he has a GREATER plan than I could ever dream.
I love the skit guys, and they do this skit called, Gods Chisel. I will try to attach it to this, but I cant promise anything :) Im not that technically saavy....however, there is a quote from it that I want to use. They say, "When you look in the mirror who do you see?....if its still you, then I still have work to do, because when you look at that mirror and when others look at you, I want them to see my son!" I want that to be my life. When people look at me, they dont see me at all. They see God! But in order for that to happen, I must know him, much more than I do right now.
This is my honest heart right now. I want to know God more than I do right now. I want to love him more than I do right now. I want to serve him more than I do right now. I want to be like him. I want him to be seen in me much more than he is right now. At the end of the day though, what I want doesnt even matter, its what HE wants. So I want to ask you, who is God to you right now? Do you know him? I am taking an AMAZING class right now, it is called PERSPECTIVES. Its about God, who he is and how I can let him radically change my life and then share that with others. Its incredible!! The speaker last night, he was awesome. He shared some great stuff, but he shared this quote that has just been "haunting" me.
He asked us this: "Are you following God or are you living your life and asking him to follow you?" I had to really think about this and tell you that honestly, until last night, I would say that i was living the later. I was asking God to answer my prayers in my way and do what I wanted. Rather than trusting that he had a great plan and that I just needed to surrender and follow it!
I was thinking about this the other day. I have been through alot this year. And was asking God to help me understand why. Mainly for me to understand why it is that after praying for my mom to get better over and over and over again, why he couldnt just reach down and make it better all at once. But it became abundantly clear to me the other day. You see, if he had done that, I would still be at the same place in my relationship with that I always have been. Maybe a little more greatful and thankful. But I wouldnt be on my face before him right now trying my hardest to find him and who he is. And I certainly wouldnt have been changed in the way that I have been. He had to drag me down to the pit, so that I would see how much I needed him and so that I would truly begin to rely on him and who he wants to be in my life.
I make this promise, to you, my family and friends, to my youth group, but most of all, to MY GOD! I WILL BE CHANGED! You will see Christ in me. You will see me becoming more like him in all that I do! I am a FOLLOWER OF CHRIST no questions! I am HIS, WHOLLY AND COMPLETELY HIS!!!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Daniel Fast, Reflections and Letting God!
Okay, so not too long ago, okay I guess its been almost 2 years now :( but anyways, what SEEMS LIKE not that long ago, I did the Daniel Fast, I blogged about it then and God did some very amazing things in my life during that time. Well, the church has decided that they are going to do the fast together, and so here I find myself again, at the beginning of the time of fasting. The 1st couple days are the hardest for me, and I am just in the middle of day one. You see, heres the thing, I think that if I wasnt on the fast, I wouldnt even be thinking about food, but because Im on it and I know I cant have certain things, somehow, now I want them even more. So crazy how our human brains work!
I have several reasons that I want to do this fast. The first is this, I want to do something together as the body of Christ, to grow closer to one another, so that we can in turn, grow closer to Christ, and become the army that fights for him. In some ways, as cheesy as it sounds, I guess I see the people in the church that are going through this with me, as my battle buddies. I know, right, like you can even see me, little 4'11'' Becky Canny, strawberry shortcake, cabbage patch, campbell soup kid, cutiepie fighting in battle :) But the truth is, we ALL are! We are in battle every day, and doing this fast, puts us right in the front lines, as we try to grow closer to God and in our faith, Satan is going to try his best to push us down and make us feel defated! So first of all, I ask for your prayers in all of this. Pray for me and for the other members of my church who are doing this fast as well.
But I said I had more than one reason I was doing this. I am also doing this for the healing of my mom. I and many others have been praying for her healing for quite a while, but I have to be honest and say that I have not put it all completely in the hands of God and to be more honest, at times I have become discouraged and told myself that the hope of her healing is just something I shouldnt continue to hold on to. This is not true. I serve a God who loves and cares for me, and who loves and cares deeply for my mother and the rest of my family as well. Part of my fast time is going to be spent in prayer for her.
Also, the youth ministry here at the church. I am in this place where Im right at the beginning of being in full time ministry and its scary at times. I have been in ministry for 10 years now, but not full time where people at church are watching my every move and where I am accountable to EVERYTHING I do in life, because I am in a place of being an example of Christ. and I LOVE it!!!! But its also a place where I feel weak at times. Where I do feel defeated at times, or feel like I am not going to be able to live up to what is expected of me, this is where the fast comes in, I want God to lead this ministry and I want to put him first, fasting for me in this instance is seeking him and his will.
Another thing I am fasting for is the camps I am going to be counseling at this summer. I am the director for one camp and I am a counselor/activities and games coordinator for another, and for the third, Im not really sure what God is calling me to do yet, which is one thing I will be seeking as I fast. I want the camps to be led by God and what he has for these kids. I am just his hands and feet, he is the leader and in fasting, I believe God is going to guide me in this area as I fast.
I am also fasting for personal relationships. I want to be a person that God is proud of, and I want to be the person in relationships that builds the other up. There are some relationships in my life lately that have been very strained and I have been very hurt in some things. Part of fasting for me is trusting God and laying those relationships in his hands and that rather than them seeing ME, they see him, and rather than MY feelings and MY actions being what sticks out, instead, its what GOD wants and HE is what pours out of me.
I have so many reasons why I am fasting, another is for my future spouse. I am going to be 29 in just a few weeks, very close to 30, and while I would love to say that I am at a place in my life where I am happy about everything, I am not. I have this longing and desire in my heart to find someone. I have this feeling and very real desire that there is someone out that there that God wants me to meet. I have prayed for him for many years of my life. Not just that I would meet him, but FOR him, like his family life, his relationships, just his life in general, that God would bless and care for him very much and watch over him. There are days where I literally MISS him.
I have many reasons why I am fasting right now and things that I am praying for and letting go of through out this fast, but the bottom line, I am doing it for God. I want to grow closer to him. This past year has been one that has rocked my world. My brother got married and is moving to another country and in this, in many ways, I lost my bestfriend in the World and have had to learn to rely on God. My mother has been in a car accident, in the hospital 3 times, went missing for 2 days this summer, after trying to kill herself, and is now in a nursing home recovering from all of the things that she has had to face this past year, I was called to move to a town that is 3 hours from all I have ever known, my friends, my family. This year I have had many times where I have been angry with God, where I have not understood why my family is going through all of the pain that they are going through. But I know that God is there and I know he has a reason for all of it. Maybe its so that I would get on my face before him and make my relationship with him real again, maybe its so that we would grow close as a family and learn to place it ALL in the hands of God. I dont know, but I DO KNOW the God that I am doing this for is worth all of it and deserves even more than I could even begin to offer to him.
I know that God is going to do some incredible things through this fast, I hope to blog each day for the next 40 days about this fast that God is leading me through. Here is a basic lowdown of what God has called me to do in this fast. It may be different for everyone, and because of my health issues, I have modified it a little, but its not about legalism and rules, its about what I personally am giving up to focus more on God.
I can eat:
All Fruits-Canned or Fresh(only if they are in water and not syrup)
All Vegetables-Canned or Fresh
Broths-Chicken, Beef, or Vegetable
Nuts-any kind of nuts
Dairy-because of my thyroid, I cannot completely give up dairy, or I would loose the calcium my bones and muscles need to function, so I am allowed 2 servings of dairy products a day.
Dairy products allowed are:
Cottage Cheese
Milk-white only-2%
Yogurt
Eggs-I can have 2 eggs a day for protein
Spices-I can use most spices to add flavor to dish
Whole Grains-pastas, whole wheat bread, whole wheat pancakes, wheat flour
Beverages-Fruit or Vegetable Juices, Water, 2 glasses of milk(max) in one day, Herbal Teas, Coffee (decaf only)
Sweet Treat Allowed: Lemon Drops-in case of sore throat or need for sugar.
Foods I CANT have:
Chocolate or any kind of candy or sweets
White Bread, Flour, Pastas
Meat
Processed Foods
Cheese-other than the cottage cheese I am allowed to have for my calcium each day.
Caffine
Sugar, besides the natural sugars in fruits and veggies and whole grains
Pop
This is a pretty basic view of the things that I am not able to eat for the next 40 days and the things I AM able to eat. I think it is going to be a great time with my savior and I also believe it is going to help me physically.
I will try to blog again tomorrow. about how the fast is going. Have a great day and be blessed by God in ALL you do!!!
Becky
I have several reasons that I want to do this fast. The first is this, I want to do something together as the body of Christ, to grow closer to one another, so that we can in turn, grow closer to Christ, and become the army that fights for him. In some ways, as cheesy as it sounds, I guess I see the people in the church that are going through this with me, as my battle buddies. I know, right, like you can even see me, little 4'11'' Becky Canny, strawberry shortcake, cabbage patch, campbell soup kid, cutiepie fighting in battle :) But the truth is, we ALL are! We are in battle every day, and doing this fast, puts us right in the front lines, as we try to grow closer to God and in our faith, Satan is going to try his best to push us down and make us feel defated! So first of all, I ask for your prayers in all of this. Pray for me and for the other members of my church who are doing this fast as well.
But I said I had more than one reason I was doing this. I am also doing this for the healing of my mom. I and many others have been praying for her healing for quite a while, but I have to be honest and say that I have not put it all completely in the hands of God and to be more honest, at times I have become discouraged and told myself that the hope of her healing is just something I shouldnt continue to hold on to. This is not true. I serve a God who loves and cares for me, and who loves and cares deeply for my mother and the rest of my family as well. Part of my fast time is going to be spent in prayer for her.
Also, the youth ministry here at the church. I am in this place where Im right at the beginning of being in full time ministry and its scary at times. I have been in ministry for 10 years now, but not full time where people at church are watching my every move and where I am accountable to EVERYTHING I do in life, because I am in a place of being an example of Christ. and I LOVE it!!!! But its also a place where I feel weak at times. Where I do feel defeated at times, or feel like I am not going to be able to live up to what is expected of me, this is where the fast comes in, I want God to lead this ministry and I want to put him first, fasting for me in this instance is seeking him and his will.
Another thing I am fasting for is the camps I am going to be counseling at this summer. I am the director for one camp and I am a counselor/activities and games coordinator for another, and for the third, Im not really sure what God is calling me to do yet, which is one thing I will be seeking as I fast. I want the camps to be led by God and what he has for these kids. I am just his hands and feet, he is the leader and in fasting, I believe God is going to guide me in this area as I fast.
I am also fasting for personal relationships. I want to be a person that God is proud of, and I want to be the person in relationships that builds the other up. There are some relationships in my life lately that have been very strained and I have been very hurt in some things. Part of fasting for me is trusting God and laying those relationships in his hands and that rather than them seeing ME, they see him, and rather than MY feelings and MY actions being what sticks out, instead, its what GOD wants and HE is what pours out of me.
I have so many reasons why I am fasting, another is for my future spouse. I am going to be 29 in just a few weeks, very close to 30, and while I would love to say that I am at a place in my life where I am happy about everything, I am not. I have this longing and desire in my heart to find someone. I have this feeling and very real desire that there is someone out that there that God wants me to meet. I have prayed for him for many years of my life. Not just that I would meet him, but FOR him, like his family life, his relationships, just his life in general, that God would bless and care for him very much and watch over him. There are days where I literally MISS him.
I have many reasons why I am fasting right now and things that I am praying for and letting go of through out this fast, but the bottom line, I am doing it for God. I want to grow closer to him. This past year has been one that has rocked my world. My brother got married and is moving to another country and in this, in many ways, I lost my bestfriend in the World and have had to learn to rely on God. My mother has been in a car accident, in the hospital 3 times, went missing for 2 days this summer, after trying to kill herself, and is now in a nursing home recovering from all of the things that she has had to face this past year, I was called to move to a town that is 3 hours from all I have ever known, my friends, my family. This year I have had many times where I have been angry with God, where I have not understood why my family is going through all of the pain that they are going through. But I know that God is there and I know he has a reason for all of it. Maybe its so that I would get on my face before him and make my relationship with him real again, maybe its so that we would grow close as a family and learn to place it ALL in the hands of God. I dont know, but I DO KNOW the God that I am doing this for is worth all of it and deserves even more than I could even begin to offer to him.
I know that God is going to do some incredible things through this fast, I hope to blog each day for the next 40 days about this fast that God is leading me through. Here is a basic lowdown of what God has called me to do in this fast. It may be different for everyone, and because of my health issues, I have modified it a little, but its not about legalism and rules, its about what I personally am giving up to focus more on God.
I can eat:
All Fruits-Canned or Fresh(only if they are in water and not syrup)
All Vegetables-Canned or Fresh
Broths-Chicken, Beef, or Vegetable
Nuts-any kind of nuts
Dairy-because of my thyroid, I cannot completely give up dairy, or I would loose the calcium my bones and muscles need to function, so I am allowed 2 servings of dairy products a day.
Dairy products allowed are:
Cottage Cheese
Milk-white only-2%
Yogurt
Eggs-I can have 2 eggs a day for protein
Spices-I can use most spices to add flavor to dish
Whole Grains-pastas, whole wheat bread, whole wheat pancakes, wheat flour
Beverages-Fruit or Vegetable Juices, Water, 2 glasses of milk(max) in one day, Herbal Teas, Coffee (decaf only)
Sweet Treat Allowed: Lemon Drops-in case of sore throat or need for sugar.
Foods I CANT have:
Chocolate or any kind of candy or sweets
White Bread, Flour, Pastas
Meat
Processed Foods
Cheese-other than the cottage cheese I am allowed to have for my calcium each day.
Caffine
Sugar, besides the natural sugars in fruits and veggies and whole grains
Pop
This is a pretty basic view of the things that I am not able to eat for the next 40 days and the things I AM able to eat. I think it is going to be a great time with my savior and I also believe it is going to help me physically.
I will try to blog again tomorrow. about how the fast is going. Have a great day and be blessed by God in ALL you do!!!
Becky
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)