What is my life about?

So lately, as I take these steps into the new journey that God is leading me on, I just cant help but be excited!! I am about to embark into new territory, something I have never done before. Its INCREDIBLY frightening to me and at the same time, AMAZINGLY EXCITING!! But as I take these new steps, I have begun to examine my own life as well. You see, one thing I am learning is that as I take these new steps, I must know who I am, know what I believe, and know it very firmly, because THAT is what I will have to stand on in this life!

I feel in some ways that I have not really lived my life yet :) Oh sure, I have had plenty of experiences. I have been out of the country on a Missions Trip, I have been to New York City twice and been to over half of the states in the US travelling and sharing Christ with others, I have lived on my own, I went to college and had alot of great experiences there, I have counseled at 30 different camps and sang on numerous stages. I have had a life! But, I have never really lived it and made a choice for ME!

You see, I love that God has given me the heart that he has, I wouldn't have it any other way. Other people mean the World to me and I want to do everything I can to help them to care for them to be there for them. But in that, sometimes I feel guilty when I want to make choices for myself. When I want to make choices that I know will benefit me, sometimes I just dont want to do it, because it might affect others or hurt them. Like this move, people will be hurt when I move, so a part of me says, "should I just stay?" But then others will be hurt if I dont move. Friends, in case you dont know me to well yet, welcome to the analytically challenging brain of Becky Canny. I just always want to make sure that the choices I make will make everyone else happy and that everyone else will be cared for. HOWEVER, God has been giving me the challenge lately that its okay for me to make a choice for myself once in a while. and that just as much as I want to see others be happy and cared for, HE wants that for me. and not only that, but as as I said in my blog yesterday, OTHERS want that for me too. SO, I AM MOVING TO THE CITIES!!!!  For ministry opportunities, and so that I can have amazing friendships in my life and accountability. I can go to Bible Studies and Small Groups, I can enjoy life!!

This past year has been both challenging and rewarding for me. Challenging in the fact that I never knew how hard it would be to care for my own parents. The people who have taken care of me all of my life, and I know I have shared this in other blogs, but I just cant stress enough how hard and difficult that really can be! My parents are some of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life and I dont know why in the World God chose to bless me with them, but a blessing is exactly what they have been! Our life has not always been easy, believe me, but I have always known that at the heart of their lives, CHRIST was in the center! and it challenged me to live my life that way as well. THAT is the rewarding part of this year and caring for them, the chance to see that I get to give back to them just a tiny piece of what they have given to me!! The year has been challenging because I went through some pretty difficult times. I am not going to share all of those here, but suffice it to say that it was quite a lonely year for me and I had to do some serious soul searching!

In this year, it has been a HUGE year of self examination. I am going to be blunt here and tell you that this past year, with my mom going through cancer and the horrible things that it brings with it, I really had to figure out my walk of faith with Christ and it has been quite the journey. I am finally learning what it means when Christ asks us to come to him as broken people. I came to him a very broken person this past year and have had a lot of things to work through. At the beginning of all of this, I had questions of if I even still believed. I was bitter and hurt and angry. I asked myself how a God who loves us so much could allow us to go through all this pain. My mother, who has done her best to serve Christ throughout her whole life, has been suffering from illness for most of our growing up years, with depression and horrible arthritis, and NOW she has to have cancer. WHAT DID SHE POSSIBLY DO TO DESERVE THIS?!?  And I had to begin to search. I needed to understand who God is. I needed to understand what faith really was and how I was supposed to practice it in my life. I needed to make my faith my own. Not just something I have believed my whole life, not just something that has been my identity for years, but when I stand before Christ, I need to know who he is and I need to know who I am in him!

A couple years ago, a really good friend of my brothers was killed in a car accident after a night of revival at our college. I knew of Trevor and we had talked a few times, and I had seen his heart for God. He lived it out daily. When he died, it rocked all of us. The next night of revival, the speaker got up to talk to us and try to help us process through it. He had a cup in his hand, and he started talking to us about this HUGE lake that is beautiful, how he wanted all of us to experience it. And then he began to share. He asked us if he were to take that cup and scoop up some water from lake and bring it back to us, would we have experienced the lake? Well of course we all said no. And then he shared, that this is the same with God. Here on this Earth, we only get to experience a VERY SMALL part of God! AND EVEN THAT IS MORE THAN WE DESERVE OR CAN IMAGINE! So the reality is, we cant fully understand all of God and who he is this side of heaven, but if we are in his word and we are seeking him daily, there are pieces of him that we can know and he wants to care for us and embrace us! Its just an incredible thing to think about!

You see here is the lesson I have learned over the past year. In our walk with Christ, it is often times at these points of questioning that we get to the real heart of Christ, it challenges us to really find him and when we do, THAT is what faith is all about. I have been a Christian since I was 5 years old, as most of you already know. Living for Jesus is something that has always been very important to me. In fact, when I was 3 years old, I would sometimes stand up in the shopping cart of the grocery store or on the table at Mc Donalds just to sing songs about Jesus so that other people could hear about him. I was in Bible Quizzing, Childrens Choir, AWANA, Caravans, and many other church events. In High School I was on the Youth Praise Team and the Youth Drama Team. I was a leader for our youth group and a host of other things. And most of all, I KNEW what I believed. Going into college it was the same thing. I was very involved and I was learning more about the Bible everyday and felt as though I was growing in my faith. I had a grasp on things. So when college was over and I was ready to be in ministry, I thought I had it all together. BUT I DID NOT! And it has taken me several years to first of all figure that out and second of all to be willing to admit that. Im this person that always wants to have it all together, and admitting that I dont, well that is NOT an easy thing for me to do. But as Christians I think that is the point we need to be at. Because when we realize that its not about us, and that we dont have it all together, THAT is when Christ comes in and we work in his power and in his strength!!!

I feel like a new person now though. I feel like God has begun to truly take over my life. And I am beginning to learn who he really is. And I am beginning to seek and know him more, so that I have the knowledge of him both in my head and in my heart. Seeking his word on a daily basis and finding those answers. What does the Bible say about drinking? and not just what I have been taught or believed about it my whole life, but what does it really say? What does the Bible say about swearing? and how does that affect my everyday living? What does the Bible say about following the plan and will of God and am I doing that? I am excited about where God is taking me. and in all of this have been realizing that I have to get out of where I have been comfortable. God has a plan for me! God has a will for me :) God has a way that he wants to use me.

Heres the thing, in learning more about Christ and following him, we have to get to a point where we realize that NOTHING in this life is about us, its all about HIM and bringing glory and honor to him! But it is also about a God who loves us so much that he wants the best for us. He loves us so much and he has given us gifts and talents that he wants us to use for his glory. I am amazed at the gifts that God has chosen to give me and sometimes I dont feel deserving of them at all. God has given me a gift of working with children and I love doing it too :) God has given me an incredible gift and passion for working with Youth and over and over again has placed those youth in my life who I get the chance to minister to. God has just recently opened my eyes to a passion for Young Adult Ministry and an incredible need for it as well. And then there is Music. I dont know what it is about Music, but I LOVE IT! God has given me this incredible love and passion for music in my life. And over the past 2 years, I have not really used my voice much at all. But at camp this summer and as I seek the future ministry God has for me, my singing has become a HUGE part of what he wants for me. I realize I have not been using my gifts to the full potential that they could be used. I am ready to do that and I am just blessed and honored that God has allowed me to have them. I want to be his humble servant and be used by him in everyway possible!

SO there it is! I want my life to be about Christ. But more than just the name, I want to be changed by him daily! When I read the word, when I seek his face, I want to have  more than just the knowledge in my head, I want to truly be changed by it! Do I know what I believe? I sure am getting there! Do I seek to know more? I hope that I am always seeking to konw more. Have I been changed by God? IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE! I am honored to be called a child of God! and I pray that everyday I will look more like him!

Theres more to me than pop music and Glee :)

This week has been one of the best of my life! I went to pursue some ministry opportunities and God seems to be opening some VERY BIG doors!! I got to spend time singing in 3 different churches. I got to work with youth. And I got to meet a whole group of people who are loving and serving Christ with every part of their lives! AND I GET TO BE A PART OF THAT!!!! Now prayers come in for me as I seek Gods heart. I know that this is the church he wants me to work in, but just as every person, I start at the beginning, so I will begin work as an intern. This means that while it will be a very rewarding experience, I need to have other gainful employment as well. I know that this is where God is leading me, so I trust him to provide all the details of a home and place to live. But your prayers in this are GREATLY appriciated! As I was spending time with friends this week, I learned so many things about myself and about them. First of all, I realized how lonely I have been in my life. I know that sounds depressing, but its just honesty. I realized that I have friends in my life who genuinely love and care for me and want me to be close to them, just as much as I want to be close to them :) I am going to bear my heart here for a moment and tell you that I am dealing with many insecurities in my life, working through them and trying to move past them. But one of them includes my friendships and people in my life. I just always assume that people dont really want me to be around. That they are annoyed by me and that they just "tolerate" me or something. THIS IS NOT A PITY PARTY, its just the true way I feel. If I call or text a friend, I feel as though they are just going to be annoyed by me or something. Or when I come to visit, they dont really want to spend time with me, but they will sacrifice a few hours so I dont feel so bad :) THIS IS NOT TRUE!!!! That is what I learned this week. Friends wanted me to be around, friends were calling me and texting me and genuinely wanted me there!! It was a great thing to work through! and it was good for my heart. To have friends so excited about my moving to be in close proximity to where they are, THAT WAS HUGE!!!

The second thing I learned is that I try so hard to be who everyone else wants me to be, that I dont often truly take the time to just be myself! But when Im with these true friends, I can be me!! And while I learned alot of new things about them, they learned them about me too. I was talking some friends yesterday while having tea and one friend said "Becky, you really like those bands, we just assumed you just liked boy bands and Glee, you know pop stuff, its great to know more about you." Hints the title of this blog, there is more to me than pop music and Glee :) SO....I am going to share a few of those things with you friends :) I am just reminded of the joy of friendship to learn more things about each other as we grow closer in relationship and friendship! ITS INCREDIBLE :)

So first, I like ALOT of music, here is a list of some of my top bands right now :)

The Civil Wars- I am really enjoying their sound alot
Bon Iver- There is something about his voice that I just LOVE
Coldplay- I have LOVED this band for years
Dashboard Confessional- they are old school, but I just like their sound so much
Nada Surf- which yes I realize is kinda poppy sounding, but I still love it! I didnt say I DONT like pop music :) I just like more things too!
The Fray- again, kinda main stream, but still good
Nickel Creek- they are kinda old school too, but I have LOVED them for years. I like the folk/bluegrass sound of music
Modest Mouse- I know that people would not expect that of me, but I heard them on One Tree Hill once and I was pretty hooked ;)
Gavin De Graw- I know the guy is considered pop, but I LOVE HIS VOICE!!!
Switchfoot- I have listened to them since high school, I didnt like them at first, but I gave them a second chance a couple years ago and went to one of their concerts and I WAS HOOKED!!!
Augustana- GREAT GROUP!!!
Matt Wertz- I just really like his voice and I really like his songs too.
Imagine Dragons- just started listening to these guys a few days ago and they are AWESOME!!!
The Killers- again, one that people dont expect from me, but I like these guys alot
The National- my friend Zach told me about this band, and I wasnt sure Id like them at first, but when I started to listen I realized how AMAZING they are. just very talented!
U2- again classic!
The Black Keys- my brother introduced me to these guys, like them alot
The Beatles- just classic of course :)
Eisley- I love the sound that they have, they are incredible!!!
Adele- I LOVE her voice more than words can say! I wish that I sound like her when I sang!
Leeland- I love the sound of their voices and I love the heart behind their music
John Reuben- he is a Christian Rapper and people dont expect that from me, but he is awesome!!!
Relient K- Great Music and they put on an incredible show too
Nevertheless- I heard them a few years ago at a music festival and they are FANTASTIC!
Death Cab for Cutie-again just a great band :)
Michael Buble- incredibly amazing voice
The Shins- thats right :) I told someone that once and they were really surprised. But I do enjoy them!
Weezer-when I was in college, my friend Fred loved this band, we listened to them together alot and after he passed away in a car accident, I found an even deeper appriciation for them!
Gungor-the words to their songs, the music, the voice, I LOVE IT ALL!!!
Lifehouse
The Goo Goo Dolls
Five For Fighting 
Foo Fighters
Jack Johnson
Kate Voegle

I also like alot of Christian stuff too, because of the heart behind it and some of the AMAZING talent.
Bethany Dillon
Francesca Battestelli
Matt Redman
Hillsong United
Jesus Culture
Chris Tomlin
Newworldsong
Lincoln Brewster
Aaron Schust

I could go on and on, but this is a start, maybe I will make you a list 2 in my next blog just so you can get into my mind a little more :) But from this you should be able to see that there is much more to me than just pop music. :) Please note, I STILL LOVE POP MUSIC and GLEE!! in fact, I listen to One Direction, some old school NSYNC and Hanson, and I actually really enjoyed Nick Jonas' solo album :) So dont worry, Im still ME, but there is just more there than you knew before!!!

I also like more tv shows than just Glee. Alot more. In fact, Im kind of a tv and movie addict :) I have several shows that I am watching and very into right now.

How I Met Your Mother is like my all time favorite show EVER! It makes me laugh, I identify with the characters sometimes too and its just an awesome show!
Gilmore Girls which is no longer on, but what an INCREDIBLE show!
Modern Family is seriously one of the FUNNIEST shows EVER!
Arrested Development which was only on for 3 seasons, is one of the most incredible shows I have EVER watched! Its so funny!!!!
Parenthood is the most well written drama I have ever seen. It deals with real life problems and situations and in a very real way too.
One Tree Hill is an incredible show. Its series ended recently, but it was a GREAT show. very well written and AWESOME music!!
Scrubs its just such a funny show
Community is a show that is both extremely funny and intrigues me alot
30 Rock as you can see I am really a fan of comedies
The Office I just love this show because its funny, its got a great cast and its timeless
Law and Order SVU I am intrigued by this show because I have huge heart for children and adolescents who have been abused. But at the same time, its very har
d for me to watch too!
GLEE Okay now you all knew I was going to say it :) I love it because I was in show choir in high school and it kinda reminds me of some of those times. and although I know much if not all of the music is over produced and is not really how those people sound, I STILL LOVE IT! :) cute guys, who can seemingly sing well and play guitar, sign me up for that show for sure!
The Middle again just another super funny show :)

Okay, so those are my top picks right now for T.V. Shows. I could give you alot more, but again, I dont want you to know too much :)

Other things you may not know about me :

*I have my partial Masters in Child and Adolescent Counseling
*I have training in Austim and Aspergers and have a deep passion for caring for those who have it.
*I only eat Chicken and Turkey and no other kinds of meat.
*I HATE eggs!
*I LOVE spelling and used to be in spelling bees when I was a little girl and won alot of them!
*I love to write as well, not just like writing, but the actual act of penmanship and won many first place awards for it as well.
*I love to read
*I like scrapbooking, I just never get the time to do it
*I LOVE Tea!
*Chocolate is one of my major food groups :)
*Macaroni and Cheese is the meal that I could live on if there was nothing else in the World
*I like psychology and learning more about it and how we as people work.
*I only eat Cheese Pizza
*I have my licence to Substitute Teach in Middle and High School


Okay, so now that we have finished our first date and you know a little bit more about me :) ha ha ha. Okay, but seriously I am so glad that I have friends who want to know me better and take the time to see there is more to me than whats on the surface! Here it is, bearing it for you all :)

Im still Becky C.....but now you know whats underneath the surface!

Ch...Ch...Ch...Changes!!!

okay, well here goes! I have been kinda MIA from the blog for the past few months. Several reasons why, I have seriously been extremely busy :) and 2 God has been dealing with my heart alot and I have needed some time away. so heres the thing. The past few years have been quite a journey in my life :) My first time moving away from home, my brother and bestfriend got married and moved to another country, my mom got cancer, my dad has had alot of health issues, to say this has been a trial period is putting it mildly :) BUT I WOULDNT TRADE IT FOR THE WORLD!!! Last summer when God asked me to move back and take care of my parents, I didnt hesitate! I was MAD, if I am being honest, but I didnt think twice about taking this step for the people who have done SO MUCH for me in my life! But moving back I knew it was a season in my life! I am learning that phrase very well, "seasons". For me, some of them in my life are long and some of them seem extremely short, but all of them necessary to my growing closer to my savior! Last summer before God asked me to move back with my parents, he had shared some BIG things with me of plans he had for my life, no I bear alot of my soul here in the blog, but Im still not ready to bear all of what he said :) But what I will tell you is that he kept impressing on my heart that he wanted me to consider ministry in the Twin Cities area. For those of you who dont know that means Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minnesota. Now IT FLOORED ME at the time. I have grown up in a small town ALL of my life and now you want me to move to the cities??? I just got comfortable driving by myself like 3 years ago :) However, It was a very clear leading! and there were parts that excited me, 95% of my closest friends live in this area and moving closer to them to be able to have them when I need them and to do life together, to do Bible Studies together and be there whenever we need each other, it makes me excited even now :) So I was willing to follow wherever God may lead. God said to me then, "It will happen, but I have some things you need to do first!" So I moved home. I followed where God led. He helped me find a house for my dad, that he loves! My moms health has improved greatly and I have been able to help tie up some ends with doctors and other tough stuff :( I was able to start a Young Adult Group at our church :) and most of all, I was able to spend some time finding myself again and getting back on track with my savior! The trials and darkness I went through had made me build up alot of anger, bitterness, and resentment toward God and this year has been a year of restoration for my soul and my relationship with God, PRAISE HIM FOR THAT!!!! Well, a few months ago, God began to speak to me again, "Becky, its time to start thinking about the cities again!" "I am ready to reveal my plans for you and I am so proud of you for being patient" :) I didnt know what to think other than to pray. So I did. I prayed alot. and God continued to lead :) I counsel at a camp every summer and God told me very clearly "when you get to camp, keep your eyes and ears open, because I am going to reveal more of my plan at that time!" One week before camp, the youth speaker had to cancel due to things out of our control. In his stead, I was given the humbling honor of being asked to speak!! I was also given the amazing chance to lead worship with Tim Lemmens and his son Zach. All of this was Gods way of speaking to me and using me! It was through this that God began to really show me the gifts he has given me and how he wants me to use them! I have been given several opportunities to be in ministry in the cities and am going to pursue them next week. Would you please be in prayer with me as I seek where God is leading? I know he has great plans and where he leads me, I WILL FOLLOW!!! I thought back on this today and was seeing how Gods timing is so perfect, had I tried to jump ahead, I wouldnt have the opportunities I do now. I am so thankful for Gods timing and his way and even when I dont understand it, I am so excited to follow it!!! OUR GOD IS GREATER! And I cant wait to see what he has in store! More as the store unfolds :) Love you all Becky