Christmas was always my favorite holiday. I remember when I was little I started listening to Christmas music in October, right after Halloween. It drove my family crazy sometimes, but they loved me anyways. Christmas, I realize, was my favorite because my mom made it so special in our home. We had SO MANY traditions. So many things in our family. and now, that we are all apart, I miss them. Its as though the "magic" of Christmas has gone.
I just got off the phone with my sweet father and had to give him the news that right now, with weather and schedules, it just didn't look like I would be making it home for Christmas. He was so sweet and understanding. But the thought of him being alone, it KILLS me. But I also have to be safe. The roads down his way are very ice and snow covered right now and they are expecting even more snow tonight. I have 2 Christmas Eve services to participate in here in MN, and so, here we are, all in separate places. My daddy in Iowa. Me in Minnesota. and my brother and his wife, and my sweet baby niece in Bolivia. and of course, my beautiful mother is spending her second Christmas in heaven. I miss my family more than words can say. But I will be honest and tell you that this year, I have not wanted to celebrate or even think about the holidays at all! It hurts, what used to be my favorite time of year is now one of the worst weeks of my life emotionally. I know it wont always be this way. I know that things will get better, but right now, at this point in my life, I'm ready for Christmas to just be over!
So I thought this morning, that instead of sulking. Instead of sitting in self pity, I would share with you all, my faithful friends, who read my rantings :) I thought I would share with you why Christmas was so special in our house. Why it meant so much to us. Why its so hard to loose that magic that Christmas once was.
It all started on Thanksgiving, or rather, the day after. My mom LOVED to decorate our house for Christmas. and I am telling you, EVERY INCH was covered with Christmas! I loved it. I loved looking through all of our old ornaments together as we put them on the tree and knowing that every year we would get a new one to add to the tree the following year. I still remember some of them. My mom was so good at picking what fit us best. One year I got Strawberry Shortcake. My brother got a Beatles ornament. The year he took up drumming, Bryan got a little drummer boy ornament. and that same year, mom started a "Nutcracker" doll tradition for him because that man too played the drums. I even got to make one one year, a pink angel. After decorating the Trees, and yes I said Trees plural as my mom liked to have several in our small house :) We would decorate everything else. We had window clings, we had wreaths, we had about 4 nativity sets around the house, THOSE were the most important to my mom. And then there were the snowglobes and music boxes. Our house was beautiful :) It may have looked like "Christmas heaved a big one" to everyone else, but to us, it was beautiful.
Then it was on to shopping. Now my mom HATED shopping. She always said I must have been switched at birth or something because I loved it. But at Christmas, the whole family took a shopping trip together. We went to the mall all day. Mom and I would go for a while and pick dad and Bryan's gifts and then we would switch and I would go with Dad and Bryan would go with mom. This was my favorite time. We laughed as we drove to the mall, about an hour and a half from our house. We would listen to Christmas music, my brother would always fall a sleep. But we had fun! At the end of the day, after all purchases had been made, we would go to a restaurant together and just spend sometime enjoying one anothers company. and then, on the way home, we would drive around and look at Christmas lights. Bryan HATED this part. He would inevitably fall asleep everytime, but somehow, toward the end, he would wake up and say, "Arent we going to so and sos place, we look at their lights every year" and we would realize the tradition was just as important to him as it was to all of us.
The Canny's are always a very busy group of people around the holidays. When we were little Bryan and I were in the Community Theatre and they would always put on a play at Christmas time. We loved it and we would have a Christmas party with all of those friends too. We also had the Live Nativity at our church. Bryan and I had a favorite scene. We liked to be the "people in the inn". It was the one spot on the whole thing that was a heated building. We could sit and play games at the table with each other and we LOVED it! We also got to play other roles over the years too. One year, I got to be Mary and ride the donkey. It was a live donkey!! After the Nativity was over, it was time to get ready for the big Christmas production at church. Bryan and I always got to be a part of this as well. You see, VERY BUSY! And once we got older, we added things in. We were both in Show Choir, which at Christmas meant we travelled to different banks and local business to sing Christmas songs. We always went Christmas Caroling with our Church group to nursing homes and places where people were less fortunate than we. Christmas was a time of community, of fun, of activities together. And at the time, all that busyness, I loved it, because I got to come home to a place where I was reminded why we were doing it.
You see, my mom had a HUGE heart. So some of the most important things to her at Christmas were making sure everyone else was happy and had what they needed. My mom was the most amazing cook and baker on the planet! I promise you, you wont find better. So every year, she would make "goody plates". She spent hours making treats for these plates. Peanut Butter Balls, Canny Treats, Homemade Chocolate Covered Cherries, Dipped Pretzels, Fudge, oh my goodness the smells that came from our kitchen. and with every goody plate, came my moms homemade rolls. The most delicious bread you will ever put in your mouth. She would carefully put them together, with a bow on top of each one and we would travel around and deliver them to people, letting them know how loved they were, by our family but more importantly, by God.
Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were a big deal to my mom. She made them big at our house. Big for just the four of us. She had 8 brothers and sisters, 6 that were still living. But she wanted Christmas to be just about us. The 4 of us. Christmas Eve was sometimes moms "last shopping horrah". For 2 hours that night, we would play with dad, watch movies, eat pizza, and we knew that mom was out getting her final gifts prepped. Then, when she got home, it was all about the snacks and movies together. She brought home a shrimp platter, sausage and cheese, a cheese ball and crackers, and of course, all of her left over treats too. We would pig out. and we would watch some sappy Hallmark Movies that we knew, would make her cry everytime. But I loved curling up in the chair next to her to watch the movies too. and even as we got older and I was in highschool, I still loved to do that from time to time and found myself crying with her.
Christmas Day was again, just us. If Christmas was on Sunday, we couldnt open anything until we got home from church. Christ was the reason for the season, and my mom NEVER wanted us to forget that. I love parades, so we watched the Christmas Parade first, and my mom made Cinnamon Rolls and homemade orange juice for us, and egg casserole too. After that, it was time for presents. my brother always played the roll of Santa. He had a hat and he passed presents to people to open. He LOVED it. We always had a contest each year to see who could give the "crying" gift. You see, my mom was never one to think of herself, but at Christmas, we tried to make sure she had more than anyone else under the tree. We thought she deserved it. But as we got older, we tried to see whose gift would make her cry the most. Tears of joy, of course :) One year, we went together and we got our pictures taken professionally (as professional as Wal Mart is, but come on, we were college students, what do you expect?), when she opened it, tears began to flow. We high fived and knew we had given her the perfect gift. Those pictures still hang in our house. After gifts, my mom and brother would cook. They loved it. Every year, as my brother got older, he came up with new recepies that he wanted to try on the family and each was just as delicious as the rest. He made Corn Chowder, Avacado Salad, Cornish Hens, oh so many good things!
After lunch, honestly, we took naps :) and then we would wake up to play with our new gifts, maybe watch a movie, and again, go look at more Christmas lights.
My family was and is a blessing to me. But you can see, we had SO MANY things that made it special. Mom being gone is really hard. Being separate just plain sucks. I miss them, more than I can even begin to express. But having these memories, remembering all the times we did have together, I realize how blessed I was and how blessed I am. We always knew that Christ was the reason for the season and that family and friends and showing his love were what the season was all about. I still have my moms Christmas CD collection, an entire book full of them.
This Christmas, I miss you mom. But THANK YOU for making each and everyone a special memory for me. I will never forget it. and I hope one day to pass some of that on to my children! So they can write a blog filled with blessings and memories just like this one.
I love you brother. I miss you. ALOT! Please come back to see me soon :) and bring my niece and my sister too!!
