my mom died, a little grace please.

So, as I shared with you in my last post, my mom passed away. Actually today is the one month marker. Just one month ago today I was sitting in a room, her clinging to life, and holding her hand one last time. I remember singing to her that morning. My brother and I sat by her bed and we sang hymns in perfect harmony while he played guitar. She looked so helpless, so lifeless, so NOT MY MOM! But holding her soft hands, Id give anything for just one more moment of that. To see her beautiful brown eyes, to touch her beautiful face, kiss her forehead, I miss her more and more each day. Its funny, I thought that the more time went by, this would get easier. But Im learning that its just beginning for me.

Im a counselor by nature. I LOVE my friends and my family with a very deep love. Its just always been that way for me, my mom always told me it was the curse of the giant heart, and the great thing is, she had it too! So I get to carry that on in her honor. I love helping people. I love listening to their problems, hearing how they are feeling, trying to understand what they are going through and then helping them to work through it. I love being the shoulder to cry on. I love offering advice. Most of all, I love seeing someone who is broken, hurting, and sad, find healing and comfort in the arms of Christ and if I am the one that gets to lead them there, DOUBLE BLESSING!

However, being a counselor has been a curse for me at this time of my life. My mom just died. I mean, thats a big deal!!! One of my very good friends called me the other day to check on me and see how I was doing with all of this. and he said words to me that I will never forget, "Becky, you just experienced one of the biggest losses you will ever have in your life, your journey with all this has just begun." One of the BIGGEST losses. How true that is. I have lost a few friends along the journey of life and it rocked me, it hurt me to my core. I have seen friends loose family members, ones whom I also cared for deeply, and it broke my heart. But THIS, this is a road Ive never been down and honestly, I have no idea how to navigate! Its like my GPS broke, I lost my map, and I dont even have a compass, IM SCREWED!!

Being the person that always helps others is just who I am. I dont like to let people in to my life, the big or small details. Not because Im scared of them knowing, okay so a little bit because Im scared, but more because I just dont want the focus to ever be on ME. Its not about me and I just want people to know that I care about them far more than I care about myself. Because I truly do. If I feel like I have hurt someone or someone is mad at me, IT DEVESTATES ME. I cant eat, I cant sleep, I cant function until relationship is restored. I just cant stand for anyone not to like me or for anyone to be upset with me in anyway. Im also a person who diagnoses alot :) I will look at people, children in my classroom, friends, coworkers, people in the church, and I will begin to try to understand their lives, understand where they are coming from, whats their story, what makes them tick and if they are hurting, why are they hurting. If they have issues, what do those issues stem from? Its just who I am. I do it to myself as well. Rather than truly feeling somethings, I begin to analyze why I might be feeling them.

Yesterday was a "bad grief day" as I call them. I was sad, I was irritable, I just wasnt feeling like me. Things were hitting me left and right and I was trying to live true Becky style and take it all in, hold it all together, and act like I was fine. I teach preschool, I work with kiddos, sometimes you just have to fake it. But I just couldnt hold it in anymore. I was reading a book about snow and I began to cry. My mom LOVED snowmen, it was one of her many collections, and after a few other events of the day, it was just too much. My kiddos hugged me, let me know that they loved me, and we went on with the day and kept playing. BUT inside, I began to beat myself up. How could I have fallen apart? How could I let them see my cry? My kiddos and my coworkers. How could I let this happen? I began to analyze why. Was it the conversation I had with my boss that morning about a little girl who is only 10 years old and is dying of cancer? And after seeing the crap my mom had to go through, seeing others suffer, I couldnt bear to think of a small child going through that crap? Was it talking to the parent of a 4 year old child in our care, whos mom is in the hospital dying of cancer right now? Who was just given a feeding tube. Who was going through THE SAME CRAP my mom had just gone through? Was it the fact that I knew that tomorrow would be the month marker and it was hitting me harder than I expected? Was it just that I was exhausted after a very full week of work and ministry? OR, was it just all of those things piling on at once? You see, rather than just feeling it, I was trying to understand why I was feeling it, and then with all my might, NOT FEEL IT ANYMORE.

You see, Im known for being a pretty easy going, happy go lucky girl :) If youre reading this, you probably know that about me. So I have trouble expressing other emotions. Not because I dont feel other things, just because I DONT cry infront of people if I can help it at all. I DONT let people see me upset if I can help it at all. Its just not something I do, I dont want people to feel bad for me. I dont want people to feel like they have to take care of me. Its not their job. I want to take care of them.I dont want to be a burden to anyone. I dont want to make anyone sad. I dont want anyone to have to listen to me and my problems, because I know that they are going through their own problems as well and they dont deserve to have to listen to mine. So yesterday was horrible. But it was also horrible, because its the curse of being the one that everyone else always goes to. Noone accepts it when you ARENT happy.

People just always expect me to be happy and carefree and when Im not, they dont know what to do. I have some amazing people in my life who I know love and care for me deeply and if I was living in any other community, besides the one Im in right now, things would not be the same. I NEED the people that are in my life right now. And they have been great. Its not their fault at all, its just that when you always try to hide your emotions, when you never let anyone see it when you are upset, its a pretty big deal at the times when it does show, when you just cant hold it in any longer. My friend Meggan tells me that when I cry it breaks her heart because I just look like a lost little child whos heart has been broken. Honestly, thats exactly how I felt yesterday too. Im lost. My heart is broken. and I am just a child, trying to get through this life without a mom. I feel like I need grace from people and they have offered it. I need to know that it is okay for me to not always be happy. I need to know that it is okay for me to ask for advice sometimes. I need to know that it is okay for me to need people in my life. I need to know that it is okay for me to be sad. I need to know that its okay for me to be mad. I just need to know that it is okay for me to be me. Im not really quick to let the true me show. I am pretty guarded, but once you are in, YOU ARE IN! And then youre stuck with me. The good, the bad, the really cruddy. Im very thankful for that grace that has been offered to me as I navagate this really horrible road!

But most of all, the person I need grace from more than any other, is ME. I need to remind myself that its okay to cry. That its okay to get mad. That its okay to be confused. That its okay to ask questions and try to make sense of this. That its okay for me to not be okay some days. That its okay for me to ask for help once in a while. That its okay for me to need someone to listen to me for a change. That its okay for me to not have it all together 24/7. And that its even okay for me to fall apart sometimes, because that is part of being in the body of Christ. Helping one another. God is teaching me that just as I am blessed everytime someone comes to me for advice, everytime I get to help someone with their problems, that he wants to bless others as well. That he wants others to have the chance to be blessed by helping me. By listening to me. By loving me. By caring for me. By supporting me.

So thats what I am feeling today. I MISS MY MOM! Im pissed that I have to live the rest of my life here on earth without her. I dont understand for a minute why God had to allow her to suffer and then die. Im sad because Im never going to see her again this side of heaven. Im sad because there are just those moments in life where you need your mom and Im never going to have that again. Im sad because she gave me so much in life and I worry that I didnt give her much. Im confused because I dont know all the answers. Im hurt because theres not always people who understand what Im feeling or going through. I feel alone sometimes on this road. My brothers is in Bolivia, my dad is in Iowa. and while I LOVE MINNESOTA and all of my friends here, I feel alone on this journey and that sucks.

But I also feel incredibly blessed to have these people in my life. I feel that my faith has been strengthened as I see how God has revealed himself in new ways through this. I feel loved and cared for by many people. and I feel supported very deeply. My friends and family mean everything to me and Im so blessed to have all of you in my life ;)

Im learning. I dont have it all together, all the time, and that is more than okay, its actually quite normal. As normal as I am going to be :)

In his grace

Becky

What a whirlwind!!!

So, I looked back today and realized my last blog was before moving to MN! That is true representation of my life in the new state! I am so busy in ministry, blogging has had to take a back burner. So I should start by saying, HELLO FRIENDS!! How's life?!?

In MN, for those of you who don't keep up with my Facebook :) I teach preschool at Foursquare, a daycare housed in the church I intern at, Crossroads Church in Lakeville, MN. I love my family there and my kiddos too :) I also work with the youth and am a worship intern. Suffice it to say, IM BUSY ALL THE TIME!!!! And I love it :)

So that's my life or was until 3 weeks ago. Many of you know my mothers been sick for quite a while now. Depression, cancer, infections, meningitis, MRSA, these past 3 years, you name the physical ailment and she probably had it or a form of it!! Well, you also knowing that moving to MN and away from her was a HUGE step for me to take! I missed her, I felt guilty and was pissed at all she had to go through! But I did it, being reminded she was in Gods hands and he could do far more than I ever could for her! So I left! Shortly after, she began to decline. She got MRSA and it went into her bone causing the removal of her big toe. After this surgery, at the end of September, she just wasn't getting better. She was in the hospital but not recovering. By the middle to end of October, October 29 to be exact, her kidneys stopped working. She was sent to an ICU in Des Monies at Mercy Medical Center to determine why. After a ct scan and some other tests, it was determined her cancer was back and in full force. She had tumors in her kidneys, abdomen, and pelvic area, cutting off all use of her kidneys. A doctor called me in the middle of class one day to tell me there was nothing they could do and I should head back to iowa immediately. I hugged my kids and coworkers, shoved stuff into my car and drove the longest 4 hour drive ever!!

The next 10 days were a blur! Getting my brother and his pregnant wife home from Bolivia, making decisions to keep mom comfortable and then spending her last 2 days in hospice with her. I promise you, no one can ever prepare you to watch someone you love so deeply die! She seemed very peaceful on the Thursday when she passed. And we have a hope of knowing where she is now! No more suffering!!!! She's in Jesus arms, dancing with him and singing :)  but it's a HUGE void for us! I miss her so much! Today is thanksgiving and honestly, IT SUCKS!!!! This was her favorite day of the year and we don't get her anymore. And that hurts! I mean for her, I'm so happy! She deserves to not suffer anymore, but this pain I'm feeling is so real. And seeing my dad experience it is just AWFUL! And yet beautiful as I'm daily reminded of what true live looks like.

My life is drastically different now! I'll live on her legacy. I'll carry on with life but there's a HUGE void where she once was and that can't be replaced! I love you mom and I miss you so much!!!

What is my life about?

So lately, as I take these steps into the new journey that God is leading me on, I just cant help but be excited!! I am about to embark into new territory, something I have never done before. Its INCREDIBLY frightening to me and at the same time, AMAZINGLY EXCITING!! But as I take these new steps, I have begun to examine my own life as well. You see, one thing I am learning is that as I take these new steps, I must know who I am, know what I believe, and know it very firmly, because THAT is what I will have to stand on in this life!

I feel in some ways that I have not really lived my life yet :) Oh sure, I have had plenty of experiences. I have been out of the country on a Missions Trip, I have been to New York City twice and been to over half of the states in the US travelling and sharing Christ with others, I have lived on my own, I went to college and had alot of great experiences there, I have counseled at 30 different camps and sang on numerous stages. I have had a life! But, I have never really lived it and made a choice for ME!

You see, I love that God has given me the heart that he has, I wouldn't have it any other way. Other people mean the World to me and I want to do everything I can to help them to care for them to be there for them. But in that, sometimes I feel guilty when I want to make choices for myself. When I want to make choices that I know will benefit me, sometimes I just dont want to do it, because it might affect others or hurt them. Like this move, people will be hurt when I move, so a part of me says, "should I just stay?" But then others will be hurt if I dont move. Friends, in case you dont know me to well yet, welcome to the analytically challenging brain of Becky Canny. I just always want to make sure that the choices I make will make everyone else happy and that everyone else will be cared for. HOWEVER, God has been giving me the challenge lately that its okay for me to make a choice for myself once in a while. and that just as much as I want to see others be happy and cared for, HE wants that for me. and not only that, but as as I said in my blog yesterday, OTHERS want that for me too. SO, I AM MOVING TO THE CITIES!!!!  For ministry opportunities, and so that I can have amazing friendships in my life and accountability. I can go to Bible Studies and Small Groups, I can enjoy life!!

This past year has been both challenging and rewarding for me. Challenging in the fact that I never knew how hard it would be to care for my own parents. The people who have taken care of me all of my life, and I know I have shared this in other blogs, but I just cant stress enough how hard and difficult that really can be! My parents are some of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life and I dont know why in the World God chose to bless me with them, but a blessing is exactly what they have been! Our life has not always been easy, believe me, but I have always known that at the heart of their lives, CHRIST was in the center! and it challenged me to live my life that way as well. THAT is the rewarding part of this year and caring for them, the chance to see that I get to give back to them just a tiny piece of what they have given to me!! The year has been challenging because I went through some pretty difficult times. I am not going to share all of those here, but suffice it to say that it was quite a lonely year for me and I had to do some serious soul searching!

In this year, it has been a HUGE year of self examination. I am going to be blunt here and tell you that this past year, with my mom going through cancer and the horrible things that it brings with it, I really had to figure out my walk of faith with Christ and it has been quite the journey. I am finally learning what it means when Christ asks us to come to him as broken people. I came to him a very broken person this past year and have had a lot of things to work through. At the beginning of all of this, I had questions of if I even still believed. I was bitter and hurt and angry. I asked myself how a God who loves us so much could allow us to go through all this pain. My mother, who has done her best to serve Christ throughout her whole life, has been suffering from illness for most of our growing up years, with depression and horrible arthritis, and NOW she has to have cancer. WHAT DID SHE POSSIBLY DO TO DESERVE THIS?!?  And I had to begin to search. I needed to understand who God is. I needed to understand what faith really was and how I was supposed to practice it in my life. I needed to make my faith my own. Not just something I have believed my whole life, not just something that has been my identity for years, but when I stand before Christ, I need to know who he is and I need to know who I am in him!

A couple years ago, a really good friend of my brothers was killed in a car accident after a night of revival at our college. I knew of Trevor and we had talked a few times, and I had seen his heart for God. He lived it out daily. When he died, it rocked all of us. The next night of revival, the speaker got up to talk to us and try to help us process through it. He had a cup in his hand, and he started talking to us about this HUGE lake that is beautiful, how he wanted all of us to experience it. And then he began to share. He asked us if he were to take that cup and scoop up some water from lake and bring it back to us, would we have experienced the lake? Well of course we all said no. And then he shared, that this is the same with God. Here on this Earth, we only get to experience a VERY SMALL part of God! AND EVEN THAT IS MORE THAN WE DESERVE OR CAN IMAGINE! So the reality is, we cant fully understand all of God and who he is this side of heaven, but if we are in his word and we are seeking him daily, there are pieces of him that we can know and he wants to care for us and embrace us! Its just an incredible thing to think about!

You see here is the lesson I have learned over the past year. In our walk with Christ, it is often times at these points of questioning that we get to the real heart of Christ, it challenges us to really find him and when we do, THAT is what faith is all about. I have been a Christian since I was 5 years old, as most of you already know. Living for Jesus is something that has always been very important to me. In fact, when I was 3 years old, I would sometimes stand up in the shopping cart of the grocery store or on the table at Mc Donalds just to sing songs about Jesus so that other people could hear about him. I was in Bible Quizzing, Childrens Choir, AWANA, Caravans, and many other church events. In High School I was on the Youth Praise Team and the Youth Drama Team. I was a leader for our youth group and a host of other things. And most of all, I KNEW what I believed. Going into college it was the same thing. I was very involved and I was learning more about the Bible everyday and felt as though I was growing in my faith. I had a grasp on things. So when college was over and I was ready to be in ministry, I thought I had it all together. BUT I DID NOT! And it has taken me several years to first of all figure that out and second of all to be willing to admit that. Im this person that always wants to have it all together, and admitting that I dont, well that is NOT an easy thing for me to do. But as Christians I think that is the point we need to be at. Because when we realize that its not about us, and that we dont have it all together, THAT is when Christ comes in and we work in his power and in his strength!!!

I feel like a new person now though. I feel like God has begun to truly take over my life. And I am beginning to learn who he really is. And I am beginning to seek and know him more, so that I have the knowledge of him both in my head and in my heart. Seeking his word on a daily basis and finding those answers. What does the Bible say about drinking? and not just what I have been taught or believed about it my whole life, but what does it really say? What does the Bible say about swearing? and how does that affect my everyday living? What does the Bible say about following the plan and will of God and am I doing that? I am excited about where God is taking me. and in all of this have been realizing that I have to get out of where I have been comfortable. God has a plan for me! God has a will for me :) God has a way that he wants to use me.

Heres the thing, in learning more about Christ and following him, we have to get to a point where we realize that NOTHING in this life is about us, its all about HIM and bringing glory and honor to him! But it is also about a God who loves us so much that he wants the best for us. He loves us so much and he has given us gifts and talents that he wants us to use for his glory. I am amazed at the gifts that God has chosen to give me and sometimes I dont feel deserving of them at all. God has given me a gift of working with children and I love doing it too :) God has given me an incredible gift and passion for working with Youth and over and over again has placed those youth in my life who I get the chance to minister to. God has just recently opened my eyes to a passion for Young Adult Ministry and an incredible need for it as well. And then there is Music. I dont know what it is about Music, but I LOVE IT! God has given me this incredible love and passion for music in my life. And over the past 2 years, I have not really used my voice much at all. But at camp this summer and as I seek the future ministry God has for me, my singing has become a HUGE part of what he wants for me. I realize I have not been using my gifts to the full potential that they could be used. I am ready to do that and I am just blessed and honored that God has allowed me to have them. I want to be his humble servant and be used by him in everyway possible!

SO there it is! I want my life to be about Christ. But more than just the name, I want to be changed by him daily! When I read the word, when I seek his face, I want to have  more than just the knowledge in my head, I want to truly be changed by it! Do I know what I believe? I sure am getting there! Do I seek to know more? I hope that I am always seeking to konw more. Have I been changed by God? IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE! I am honored to be called a child of God! and I pray that everyday I will look more like him!

Theres more to me than pop music and Glee :)

This week has been one of the best of my life! I went to pursue some ministry opportunities and God seems to be opening some VERY BIG doors!! I got to spend time singing in 3 different churches. I got to work with youth. And I got to meet a whole group of people who are loving and serving Christ with every part of their lives! AND I GET TO BE A PART OF THAT!!!! Now prayers come in for me as I seek Gods heart. I know that this is the church he wants me to work in, but just as every person, I start at the beginning, so I will begin work as an intern. This means that while it will be a very rewarding experience, I need to have other gainful employment as well. I know that this is where God is leading me, so I trust him to provide all the details of a home and place to live. But your prayers in this are GREATLY appriciated! As I was spending time with friends this week, I learned so many things about myself and about them. First of all, I realized how lonely I have been in my life. I know that sounds depressing, but its just honesty. I realized that I have friends in my life who genuinely love and care for me and want me to be close to them, just as much as I want to be close to them :) I am going to bear my heart here for a moment and tell you that I am dealing with many insecurities in my life, working through them and trying to move past them. But one of them includes my friendships and people in my life. I just always assume that people dont really want me to be around. That they are annoyed by me and that they just "tolerate" me or something. THIS IS NOT A PITY PARTY, its just the true way I feel. If I call or text a friend, I feel as though they are just going to be annoyed by me or something. Or when I come to visit, they dont really want to spend time with me, but they will sacrifice a few hours so I dont feel so bad :) THIS IS NOT TRUE!!!! That is what I learned this week. Friends wanted me to be around, friends were calling me and texting me and genuinely wanted me there!! It was a great thing to work through! and it was good for my heart. To have friends so excited about my moving to be in close proximity to where they are, THAT WAS HUGE!!!

The second thing I learned is that I try so hard to be who everyone else wants me to be, that I dont often truly take the time to just be myself! But when Im with these true friends, I can be me!! And while I learned alot of new things about them, they learned them about me too. I was talking some friends yesterday while having tea and one friend said "Becky, you really like those bands, we just assumed you just liked boy bands and Glee, you know pop stuff, its great to know more about you." Hints the title of this blog, there is more to me than pop music and Glee :) SO....I am going to share a few of those things with you friends :) I am just reminded of the joy of friendship to learn more things about each other as we grow closer in relationship and friendship! ITS INCREDIBLE :)

So first, I like ALOT of music, here is a list of some of my top bands right now :)

The Civil Wars- I am really enjoying their sound alot
Bon Iver- There is something about his voice that I just LOVE
Coldplay- I have LOVED this band for years
Dashboard Confessional- they are old school, but I just like their sound so much
Nada Surf- which yes I realize is kinda poppy sounding, but I still love it! I didnt say I DONT like pop music :) I just like more things too!
The Fray- again, kinda main stream, but still good
Nickel Creek- they are kinda old school too, but I have LOVED them for years. I like the folk/bluegrass sound of music
Modest Mouse- I know that people would not expect that of me, but I heard them on One Tree Hill once and I was pretty hooked ;)
Gavin De Graw- I know the guy is considered pop, but I LOVE HIS VOICE!!!
Switchfoot- I have listened to them since high school, I didnt like them at first, but I gave them a second chance a couple years ago and went to one of their concerts and I WAS HOOKED!!!
Augustana- GREAT GROUP!!!
Matt Wertz- I just really like his voice and I really like his songs too.
Imagine Dragons- just started listening to these guys a few days ago and they are AWESOME!!!
The Killers- again, one that people dont expect from me, but I like these guys alot
The National- my friend Zach told me about this band, and I wasnt sure Id like them at first, but when I started to listen I realized how AMAZING they are. just very talented!
U2- again classic!
The Black Keys- my brother introduced me to these guys, like them alot
The Beatles- just classic of course :)
Eisley- I love the sound that they have, they are incredible!!!
Adele- I LOVE her voice more than words can say! I wish that I sound like her when I sang!
Leeland- I love the sound of their voices and I love the heart behind their music
John Reuben- he is a Christian Rapper and people dont expect that from me, but he is awesome!!!
Relient K- Great Music and they put on an incredible show too
Nevertheless- I heard them a few years ago at a music festival and they are FANTASTIC!
Death Cab for Cutie-again just a great band :)
Michael Buble- incredibly amazing voice
The Shins- thats right :) I told someone that once and they were really surprised. But I do enjoy them!
Weezer-when I was in college, my friend Fred loved this band, we listened to them together alot and after he passed away in a car accident, I found an even deeper appriciation for them!
Gungor-the words to their songs, the music, the voice, I LOVE IT ALL!!!
Lifehouse
The Goo Goo Dolls
Five For Fighting 
Foo Fighters
Jack Johnson
Kate Voegle

I also like alot of Christian stuff too, because of the heart behind it and some of the AMAZING talent.
Bethany Dillon
Francesca Battestelli
Matt Redman
Hillsong United
Jesus Culture
Chris Tomlin
Newworldsong
Lincoln Brewster
Aaron Schust

I could go on and on, but this is a start, maybe I will make you a list 2 in my next blog just so you can get into my mind a little more :) But from this you should be able to see that there is much more to me than just pop music. :) Please note, I STILL LOVE POP MUSIC and GLEE!! in fact, I listen to One Direction, some old school NSYNC and Hanson, and I actually really enjoyed Nick Jonas' solo album :) So dont worry, Im still ME, but there is just more there than you knew before!!!

I also like more tv shows than just Glee. Alot more. In fact, Im kind of a tv and movie addict :) I have several shows that I am watching and very into right now.

How I Met Your Mother is like my all time favorite show EVER! It makes me laugh, I identify with the characters sometimes too and its just an awesome show!
Gilmore Girls which is no longer on, but what an INCREDIBLE show!
Modern Family is seriously one of the FUNNIEST shows EVER!
Arrested Development which was only on for 3 seasons, is one of the most incredible shows I have EVER watched! Its so funny!!!!
Parenthood is the most well written drama I have ever seen. It deals with real life problems and situations and in a very real way too.
One Tree Hill is an incredible show. Its series ended recently, but it was a GREAT show. very well written and AWESOME music!!
Scrubs its just such a funny show
Community is a show that is both extremely funny and intrigues me alot
30 Rock as you can see I am really a fan of comedies
The Office I just love this show because its funny, its got a great cast and its timeless
Law and Order SVU I am intrigued by this show because I have huge heart for children and adolescents who have been abused. But at the same time, its very har
d for me to watch too!
GLEE Okay now you all knew I was going to say it :) I love it because I was in show choir in high school and it kinda reminds me of some of those times. and although I know much if not all of the music is over produced and is not really how those people sound, I STILL LOVE IT! :) cute guys, who can seemingly sing well and play guitar, sign me up for that show for sure!
The Middle again just another super funny show :)

Okay, so those are my top picks right now for T.V. Shows. I could give you alot more, but again, I dont want you to know too much :)

Other things you may not know about me :

*I have my partial Masters in Child and Adolescent Counseling
*I have training in Austim and Aspergers and have a deep passion for caring for those who have it.
*I only eat Chicken and Turkey and no other kinds of meat.
*I HATE eggs!
*I LOVE spelling and used to be in spelling bees when I was a little girl and won alot of them!
*I love to write as well, not just like writing, but the actual act of penmanship and won many first place awards for it as well.
*I love to read
*I like scrapbooking, I just never get the time to do it
*I LOVE Tea!
*Chocolate is one of my major food groups :)
*Macaroni and Cheese is the meal that I could live on if there was nothing else in the World
*I like psychology and learning more about it and how we as people work.
*I only eat Cheese Pizza
*I have my licence to Substitute Teach in Middle and High School


Okay, so now that we have finished our first date and you know a little bit more about me :) ha ha ha. Okay, but seriously I am so glad that I have friends who want to know me better and take the time to see there is more to me than whats on the surface! Here it is, bearing it for you all :)

Im still Becky C.....but now you know whats underneath the surface!

Ch...Ch...Ch...Changes!!!

okay, well here goes! I have been kinda MIA from the blog for the past few months. Several reasons why, I have seriously been extremely busy :) and 2 God has been dealing with my heart alot and I have needed some time away. so heres the thing. The past few years have been quite a journey in my life :) My first time moving away from home, my brother and bestfriend got married and moved to another country, my mom got cancer, my dad has had alot of health issues, to say this has been a trial period is putting it mildly :) BUT I WOULDNT TRADE IT FOR THE WORLD!!! Last summer when God asked me to move back and take care of my parents, I didnt hesitate! I was MAD, if I am being honest, but I didnt think twice about taking this step for the people who have done SO MUCH for me in my life! But moving back I knew it was a season in my life! I am learning that phrase very well, "seasons". For me, some of them in my life are long and some of them seem extremely short, but all of them necessary to my growing closer to my savior! Last summer before God asked me to move back with my parents, he had shared some BIG things with me of plans he had for my life, no I bear alot of my soul here in the blog, but Im still not ready to bear all of what he said :) But what I will tell you is that he kept impressing on my heart that he wanted me to consider ministry in the Twin Cities area. For those of you who dont know that means Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minnesota. Now IT FLOORED ME at the time. I have grown up in a small town ALL of my life and now you want me to move to the cities??? I just got comfortable driving by myself like 3 years ago :) However, It was a very clear leading! and there were parts that excited me, 95% of my closest friends live in this area and moving closer to them to be able to have them when I need them and to do life together, to do Bible Studies together and be there whenever we need each other, it makes me excited even now :) So I was willing to follow wherever God may lead. God said to me then, "It will happen, but I have some things you need to do first!" So I moved home. I followed where God led. He helped me find a house for my dad, that he loves! My moms health has improved greatly and I have been able to help tie up some ends with doctors and other tough stuff :( I was able to start a Young Adult Group at our church :) and most of all, I was able to spend some time finding myself again and getting back on track with my savior! The trials and darkness I went through had made me build up alot of anger, bitterness, and resentment toward God and this year has been a year of restoration for my soul and my relationship with God, PRAISE HIM FOR THAT!!!! Well, a few months ago, God began to speak to me again, "Becky, its time to start thinking about the cities again!" "I am ready to reveal my plans for you and I am so proud of you for being patient" :) I didnt know what to think other than to pray. So I did. I prayed alot. and God continued to lead :) I counsel at a camp every summer and God told me very clearly "when you get to camp, keep your eyes and ears open, because I am going to reveal more of my plan at that time!" One week before camp, the youth speaker had to cancel due to things out of our control. In his stead, I was given the humbling honor of being asked to speak!! I was also given the amazing chance to lead worship with Tim Lemmens and his son Zach. All of this was Gods way of speaking to me and using me! It was through this that God began to really show me the gifts he has given me and how he wants me to use them! I have been given several opportunities to be in ministry in the cities and am going to pursue them next week. Would you please be in prayer with me as I seek where God is leading? I know he has great plans and where he leads me, I WILL FOLLOW!!! I thought back on this today and was seeing how Gods timing is so perfect, had I tried to jump ahead, I wouldnt have the opportunities I do now. I am so thankful for Gods timing and his way and even when I dont understand it, I am so excited to follow it!!! OUR GOD IS GREATER! And I cant wait to see what he has in store! More as the store unfolds :) Love you all Becky

Misery Loves Company...for a more positive spin..Were All In This Together!

Lately, as I walk through this season of my life, many people have come across my path that are dealing with things I am dealing with or are now going through a very difficult road, one in which God has also allowed me to travel, but has lead me to the INCREDIBLE beauty that is on the other side. To say that I love to know that others are hurting and suffering too, is NOT my heart at all. But to say that it is nice to see the purpose of some of our sufferings and the good God can bring from it, well that IS my heart :) I know it is no accident that God has given us people to walk this journey with us everyday. He is very intentional about telling us in the Bible that we are not meant to go through this life alone. He tells us he will never leave us or forsake us. He promises to always be by our side. He also promises that there will be trials. In Isaiah 43 he tells us that we WILL walk through the fire, but we will not be burned, he tells us here that we will absolutely face trials, BUT he will always pull us through, he will not allow us to be harmed or taken over, HE WILL hold us up. In Isaiah 41 he tells us he will uphold us with his righteous right hand. In John, and I am sorry I cannot remember the chapter right now, guess you have to read the whole book :) ANYWAYS...In John he tells us, in the world you WILL have trouble, BUT take heart, for I have overcome the world!! In all of these scriptures and many more, God promises us that while we will face trial and while at times life may get VERY DIFFICULT, one thing is sure, we will NEVER face it alone! This being said, I am AMAZED at the people God has blessed me with and placed in my life at the times that he does. And I hope and pray that at times, I am a also a blessing to those people, a shoulder to cry on, a very short shoulder, but a shoulder none the less :) or a rock to lean on, again, a small, not very strong rock, but I hope Im there :) and maybe at times, just an ear to listen. In all of this, I just want to be to these people a small portion of what they have been to me :) Lately, it seems that every blog I read, every article or book I read, every movie I watch, and every friend I encounter is related to or going through the very same things that I am facing, or, as I said earlier, a road that I have just recently travelled. I have several friends right now who are dealing with anxiety and depression. And I can tell you from experience, that the fact they even shared is a feat in and of itself. However, its also been amazing that I have been able to come along side many of them and say 2 things. First of all, IT GETS BETTER and secondly, even on the days when its not, we serve a God who will give you the strength to make it through. Anxiety is something I struggle with on and off in my everyday life. It is sometimes the silliest craziest things that I get worried about too. But you see, as my friends have come to me and expressed many of the same feelings or concerns, I have quickly seen WHY God allowed me to go through it. Its so that we can lean on one another and it is here, in our vulnerability, that a door is opened to see the face of God! Depression is something that is NOT foreign to my family. It is hard for me to say that, but not as hard as it used to be. Growing up, my brother and I saw our mom suffer from depression alot. It was a very difficult thing to see. We watched some of our Aunts and Uncles suffer too, and as a little child, it is hard to understand or know what to do to help someone. To be honest, as an adult its hard to watch someone suffer from depression. It truly is like watching the joy be sucked from someones soul! Bryan (my brother) and I were bestfriends growing up, and a good part of the reason for that, was that we needed to lean on one another. I believe with all my heart that God gave us one another because he knew what would come down the road for us and he knew we would need one another. You see, God does not intend for us to face these trials alone. It is in all of those sufferings, that lately, I have been able to step along side some of my friends who are facing these very deep valleys as well. I can indentify with them, I can love them and care for them and tell them that no matter what, I WILL stand by them. You see, Depression is an ugly thing. I remember a few months ago being at the doctor for my mom, dad and I were sitting there and one doctor remarked to my dad, that he was amazed and impressed by him. My dad inquired why and the doctor went on to say, "I have seen many families come in to my offices suffering from depression, and many times, people end up coming back alone, because their family would not choose to stand by them any longer, YOU have not only chosen to stand by your wife, but you love her with the same love you did before she became depressed". my dad looked at the doctor shocked and said, "I love my wife, she is the same woman I fell in love with 30 years ago, and I dont intend on ever leaving her". WHAT AN INCREDIBLE WITNESS! and these are the 2 people God has blessed me with in my life. BUt it truly is an example of unconditional love. My father looks at my mother with the same love he did when he first met her. I hope that to my friends who are going through this, I can demonstrate some of that unconditional love as well and walk with you through a journey that I know JUST PLAIN SUCKS! God has also been talking to me alot about listening to his call, about being in full time ministry and about having faith in him, even when nothing around me makes sense. While I have learned many lessons while working here at the daycare, I will be VERY HONEST and tell you, I know that this is NOT where God wants me for the rest of my life! In fact, he has been stirring me alot and saying "how long are you going to mess around before you get serious about being in true ministry for me?" WOW! What a question. I was reading the story of Gideon in Judges the other day, and I guess what I could say is, "Well, I am holding on for my fleece to appear and for you to show me what is next God!" But in it all, I want to hold firm to him and his heart beat and plan for my life. I just want to say that I am truly thankful for the people God has blessed me with. I am NOT WORTHY of the family God has given me. I do not deserve many of the amazing friends I have. But in all of it, I truly praise God that he has seen fit to bless me with WAY MORE than I could ever deserve! Love You All!!! Becky

30 Lists....Cont.

1. List 20 random facts about yourself. <---------- Today!
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

Okay....For this entry I will answer my most embarassing moment, my 10 pet peeves, and a typical day in my life.

1- Most Embarassing Moment- well, I have had PLENTY in my life :) I guess that right now I honestly cant think of the most embarassing. I mean embarassing moments are tough and sometimes I just try to block them out of my head :) I HATE embarrasing moments ALOT, so much so that when Im watching T.V. if someone gets embarrassed, or in real life, I try to plug my ears, avert my eyes and wait til the moment is over! Id say most embarassing has been crushes on guys :) and I would rather not relive them!! ha ha ha.

2- My 10 Pet Peeves
Well I like to think of myself as a pretty easy going girl, but I will see if I can come up with 10 :)

1- When people cant spell. I mean I understand some of the big words, but come on, you cant spell the ones we use in everday language? GET A DICTIONARY!!

2- When people try to guess what I am saying next. If Im talking, dont guess what Im going to say, dont try to finish my sentence, we are not in some cute couple, just let me talk :)

3- When telemarkers call my phone at 8 am on a Saturday Morning! SERIOUSLY?!? I wake up at 6 am EVERYDAY of the week, my ONE DAY to sleep in and you are going to call me this early?!? You took your own risk to talk to Grumpy Becky now, and I dont have red hair for nothing! :)


Okay, you see what I told you, I cant come up with anymore :)

A Typical Day in My Life:

I wake up at 6 am, okay lets be honest, my alarm goes off at 6 and I sleep until 6:15. I go "potty" to use a 2 year old term :) and then its times to wash my face and brush my teeth and take my thyroid pill. Then I go into my room and get dressed in the outfit I picked out the night before. Now its time to do my hair and make up, now here is the deal folks, I work with 2 and 3 year olds, they could care less what I look like, but their parents do :) HOWEVER, some mornings, I just dont feel like putting on the make up and so, I forego, but that hasnt happened much lately :) Once this is done, I grab my pills for the rest of the day, grab my keys and my coffee mug, and head out the door to get to work by 7. I get to sit and cuddle with the kiddos for the first part of the day, because they are just as tired as Miss Becky at this time of day. THEN....its time to serve them breakfast :) Once thats done I clean up the table, sweep the floor and then get to play with the kiddos for a while! We go outside at 9 and play until 9:30 and then its snack time. After snack its circle time!! One of my favorite times of day :) We sing and we learn our letters, shapes, numbers, and colors. Then its time for centers and art! I work one on one with the kiddos and we make fun art projects while my assistant plays with the rest of the kids :) Now its time to read books and get ready for lunch at 11:30. Then its NAP TIME!!! My favorite time of the day, because its so peaceful. I get to sing to the kiddos and cuddle with them and its so nice. During this time, after I clean the room, I sometimes do my devotions, sometimes, I write in my journal, and sometimes I plan lessons for church stuff :) After this, we wake up and have snack and then play outside. Then Miss Becky goes home :) This is time to spend with daddy. We watch Dr. Oz together and Jeopardy :) Then I make supper. Dad likes to eat early, so we eat around 5 or 5:30 at night and then its time for me to go to meetings if I have them and if not, I just relax at home. Well thats after computer work is done for my job as co-director of the youth of our conference, and my lessons are planned for Sunday Mornings and Wednesday Nights for Young Adults, and VBS plans are made. I LOVE T.V.! I have my favorite shows and sometimes I watch them on the computer and sometimes on T.V! There you have it, Im pretty boring! But thats my day :)

More from the 30 lists :)

10 Influential People in your life: Okay, there are WAY MORE than 10, but I will place them into 10 catagories :)

1- The Most are of course, my parents, Ed and Brenda Canny. These are truly 2 of the most amazing people I have EVER KNOWN! They have been through many adversities and have taught me that through it all, we must learn to trust in God and have faith in him. They have taught me that the example you choose to live is always important. People are watching when you dont know. To know the amount of people they have impacted for Christ, its a blessing. I dont know why I got the priviledge of being their daughter, but I thank God for it everyday!

2- Bryan Canny- My little brother is 2 years younger than me, well okay, 2 1/2, but you get the idea :) But even though younger than me, he has influenced me greatly. He has modeled tough love to me, showing me that sometimes, when you love someone, you have to point out the tough stuff. Its hard and its not fun, but needed and worth it. He has modeled for me using talents and abilities for Christ. I miss him greatly and miss the time we spent together singing and serving God, but Im proud of what he is doing and the Man of God he is becoming. You have taught me the importance of being an example in life. When we were younger, I didnt realize how much you truly looked up to me.Learning this showed me how important it is for me to think about that in my everyday living, because you never know who will be watching you. You have taught me that it is important to follow your dreams and passions. You have given me a person to lean on when there was noone else. You showed me unconditional love. You taught me how to see the best in my self and to see myself through the eyes of Christ. You little brother, have taught me more lessons than I could even begin to write down here and thank you for each one!!

3- Shannon and Spud- Shannon is my bestfriend in the world. She has modeled for me what it truly means to be a friend. She has been there for me in good times and bad. She truly is a sister to me and Im greatful for that. She and Spud model for me what I want someday in my marriage and parenting. Shannon is one of the best moms I know! I hope I am half the mom that she is someday. Shannon has modeled for me what it means to face trials and allow God to mold you through it. Shannon has taught me what it means to love someone, truly love them with all of your heart, without conditions. Shannon has modeled for me that sometimes living in Gods strength is the best and only thing you can do to get through and that when you do, somehow you are reminded of how much he loves you.


4-Melissa and Ryan- Melissa has been one of my closest friends for 8 years now. We met at Red Rock Camp, one of my favorite places on Earth! Melissa lost her dad a few years ago and although I couldnt be there for her physically, I tried to be there for her emotionally as much as I could. I learned so many things from her. You see, let me be honest here, there are very few people in my age bracket who understand the reverse role of parents as we get older, because they just havent lived it yet. I didnt understand how hard that would be until I too was living it. Before Melissas father passed, she spent much of her time caring for and helping him and she did an AMAZING job at it! Melissa is one of those people who I can look up to as I go through this with my mom and dad. She is the person who I can talk to who understands the way your heart breaks as you watch the people who used to care for you suddenly not able to care for themselves as much as they used to. Shes a shoulder I can lean on, Shes a person I can seek advice from. and shes someone I can laugh and share stories with too. Ryan, her husband is a great guy too. He is obviously not someone I am near as close to as Melissa, but when I visit, Ryan is great at catching up, he cares about whats going on in the lives of those around him. Melissa and Ryan also have lived a great example of marriage that I hope I can live up to someday.

5- Trista and Steve- Trista, as I have shared before was my very bestfriend when I lived in Sumner. The significance of this is crucial for you to understand here. I learned many ministry lessons in Sumner, but one of the biggest was that ministry can be a very lonely place and while there are a host of people around you who love and care about you, there are very few who invest in you the way Trista did me. We spent HOURS together. Trista has been through alot of the same physical crud I have had to go through. In fact, she was one of the first people I ever told that the doctors had shared with me that I may never have children because of my physical problems, and while that is not an issue right now, as I dont even have a significant other, it still DEVESTATED me to my core! Trista sat with me, sharing how the doctors had told her the same thing, we laughed, because we sat in her house, surrounded by her 6 beautiful children, and she reminded me that our God is much bigger than doctors. Trista listened to me as I finally began to open up to someone about my mom, when I had only talked to 2 other people in my life about the horrible things she had to go through. and Trista understood. Trista invited me into her home and I became a part of her family. She showed me how to care for people with special needs and to love them all the same. Watching as she cared for her children, some who have autism, I was inspired. I hope to one day be the mom she is to her children. Trista taught me the true art of friendship. and I am proud to say that we are still close :) and her husband Steve is a very quiet, gentle soul, but the love and passion he has for his wife, his kids, and his God, it is evident in everything that he does, and I truly feel blessed having known this family, the have had a true impact on my life!

6-RED ROCK FAMILY- I have been going to Red Rock Camp since 2003, so this year, will mark my 9 year anniversary! The family I have made at this camp means the World to me and I would not trade it for anything. There are so many people at this camp that have made a profound impact on my life.
Tim Lemmens has taught me that when you have a true passion for God, you live it out, and that when you have talents and abilities, you must use them for the Glory of God. His passion for music and worship, always reminds me of the passion God has burned in me for it as well and Im inspired when I listen to him lead worship.
Mike and Kaitlin Graff, you have shown me the blessings that surrender has to offer. Mike and I became good friends right off the bat at camp, I remember talks we had about God and our relationships with him and the tough stuff we had gone through, but Mike, you taught me to find the beauty in that. There is a simple and sweet beauty in the trials and messes God puts us through, and it was a blessing and honor to see God unfold that first hand in your life, as your beautiful wife Kaitlin entered the picture and your relationship was truly a testament to that beauty of surrender and now to see your beautiful baby boy, to see you serving in a church and bringing Glory to God. You 2 live surrender out every single day and I am proud to be called your friend. You challenge me to find this beauty in my own life.
Ryan and Melissa, whos story you already heard.
My young adult friends, you are some of the most incredible friends I have EVER had! Mark and Auddie,whom I love so much, you have taught me what a joy patience can bring and how God can use it in our lives. Jasmine you have taught me to be strong though adversity. Alan,Zach and Tommy, you have taught me the importance of having fun, taking the time to laugh in life and never to take yourself to seriously. And you have also taught me the art of balancing that with genuine care for those around you as well. Jalisa and Cameron one lesson you have taught me is the lesson of waiting, and when we do God will give us the true desires of our hearts, because they are the desires of HIS heart to. I LOVE watching your relationship and being a part of it from the beginning ;) Jalisa I love the fact that I get to hang out with you late each night of camp and just enjoy time together! Jesse Bailey- while you havent been to camp for a few years, you are still a HUGE part of that Red Rock experience. I love watching how God has molded and transformed your life over these past 9 years, you have turned into an incredible Man of God, bringing his Glory to the nations EVERYDAY, thank you for teaching me and reminding me of the true reason we are put on this Earth!
Cassi and Steve- every year Cassi and I get the chance to pray together at camp, to share our hearts, I look forward to these times each year. You both have taught me the art of never giving up. Just when we are ready to give up and throw in the towel, if we will hold on and call his name, God will come to save the day.
My girls I have had so many of you in my small groups over the years and I truly LOVE it! You are one of my greatest accomplishments in life, knowing that I get the chance to help you grow closer to or maybe even meet God for the first time. Michaela, Emily, Sidney, and Kasey- I love the talks about God that we have both at camp and throughout the year. You remind me that we must always be getting to know him more! And Im proud of the Women of God you are becoming. I also LOVE our times of laughing and joking, weather is "Colin" or boys, or a host of other things. :) I have many other girls from years past too and I love you all very much! I just dont want to make this a book :) If you want a personal shout out, comment on this blog and you will get it!
MY BOYS! Michael, Robert, Joshie, you 3 are hilarious! I love you guys so much and again, I love all of you guys that I have met at camp, you want a shout out, then comment on my blog!!!

I think I could go on for days about Red Rock, but you have all made a profound impact on my life and taught me lessons about God and about myself.

7- Camp Zion Family- Okay, you should all know and see by now that Camps are a huge part of my life. But there are people at this camp that have had a profound impact as well!
Luke and Ali Hettinger, you have shown me what it means to trust God, even when we cant see or understand what he is doing at all. Luke you have given me the chance to lead worship each year and I am always reminded of my passion for it and how much God has gifted me in it, thank you for that.
Pastor Dave and Donna-I met you for the first time at camp. You have been a big part of my life ever since then. Youve spoken into my life in lots of areas and I thank you for that. Gods got some great ministry in store for us and I CANT WAIT to see what it is!!!
David and Steve- you 2 are hilarious! and your mercilous teasing, well, I probably shouldnt say this, for fear it will get worse, but at times, I kind of enjoy it :) You have truly shown me what it means to stand behind someone too. You have done this for me alot. You have allowed me to make mistakes as a director and come along and helped pick up the pieces, you have encouraged me when I did things well, and you have come along side me when I was stressed, and finally, you showed me that working as a team is FAR BETTER than trying to do it all alone!
My girls- now here is the thing, Bethel and Shiloh were 2 seperate camps before we became Zion, so I have 12 years worth of girls that have impacted and changed my life forever!
Amber, Sami, and Kara- while you girls were sometimes my big challenge of the week, I wouldnt trade our time for ANYTHING! You 3 have impacted my life forever. I remember serious talks with all of you from time to time, praying with you, doing devotions with you, getting into the word. I also remember the "toga party" you tried to have, and the "lets get Becky way out of her comfort zone incident" one fine afternoon at Bethel Camp :) Or tying to get you girls out of bed in the morning. I love thinking back on those times. and I am SO PROUD of the Women you have turned out to be! Ashley, you were my first camper ever, and if I can make it through that, well I can make it through anything!! ha ha ha :) Kaylee, Nicole, and Sarah, while Meggan and I got to share you at camp, Im truly thankful you were part of my life and still are! :) Josie, Hannah, Abby, Sarah Cowenhoven, and hosts of other girls, THANK YOU for allowing me to be part of your lives and for teaching me as well. and just as I told the Red Rockers, you want a shout out, ask for it and it will be done, a whole paragraph just about you!!!
The Guys, again there have been TONS of you throughout the years as well. Weather it was Damon and Johnny from my first few years who teased me all the time :) or Dustin, Jeremy, Tyler, and Kelly who always wanted me to throw rainbows. Theres Rex and David who just make me laugh so much and try to see how inappropriate they can be before I just turn beat red. Joel and Tommy who spent countless hours with me at free time at Bethel and I still remember the time when Joel colored his hand green and Ron came up and said "Dang it Joel, we cant take you anywhere!", I have never laughed so hard in my life! and my guys this year, Adan and Jordan, you made me laugh SO HARD all week, and even though I felt like crud, you somehow made it a little more bearable :) I am so thankful for the tons and tons and tons of youth that have been placed in my life! If your name is not mentioned here and you would like a shout out, dont worry, you will get it, just comment on my blog :) and if your comment wasnt long enough, comment about it!!

8- Vennard Family- my Vennard College family made a lasting and forever changing impact on my life. The professors I had who showed me what it truly means to live a life for Christ. The friends I have made, whom I wouldnt trade for the world, YOU have played a HUGE ROLE in who Becky Canny is today! and YES...if some of YOU want a shout out, you know what to do!!

9- My youth group- When I was in high school, I went to the youth group at the Nazarene Church in Oskaloosa Iowa. This was a part of shaping who I am today. I had alot of youth leaders who cared for me ALOT and I had some great youth pastors too over the years. I remember youth trips and lock ins, and there were some people who made great sacrifices to be there and to invest in our lives. You have no idea how much you meant in my life. First of all, you showed me I had worth and value and no matter what I felt outside of here, God saw me as beautiful and so did each of you. You taught me that working with youth is a valuable and vastly important place in life. In fact, it is because of you that I am in Youth and Young Adult Ministry today. Curt, Ken, Richard, Rick, Denny, Christine, Dan, Barb, Suzanne, Mary, and anyone else who invested in me, THANK YOU! My life is changed forever. and to my friends from youth group, YOU have changed me as well. Megan, Stephanie, Angie, Todd, Chad, John, Melody, Kaela, Kristen, Drew, Michelle, Elisa, Chad, and like seriously about 150 other people, THANK YOU for being a part of my life!

10- Those that have gone before me. My Grandma and Grandpa Snyder (my moms parents), I never met you, but the stories I have heard, THANK YOU for raising my mother they way that you did, just so you know, she has done a GREAT JOB at being a mom! Shes truly THE BEST EVER! Grandma, people tell me everyday how much I look like you with your red hair and I have your facial features too :) But they also tell me that I am like you in my personality. That you cared for people, that you were a Great teacher, that you loved others more than yourself, that in your life, no matter what everyone else saw, they always saw Jesus! If I am truly like you, I am living a life to be proud of, because I want people to speak that way of me someday too! Thank you for living the life that you did, it is impacting me.
Bridget, Dan, and Trevor, the 3 of you died way to young. But the lives that you chose to live have impacted many people, including me. I think of you 3 often and hope that someday, my legacy will point to Christ as much as yours all did!

So there you have it! The WAY MORE THAN 10 people that have impacted my life in incredible ways!!!!

lessons through the eyes of a child...

I am in a stage in my life right now that is very difficult at parts and yet very rewarding too. I will be honest and tell you that my heart and passion has been for youth ministry for years and I KNOW that God placed it there and when the time is right, he will open that door again, he has already begun to in someways....but ANYWAY, in this time of transition, while Im not working with youth, I do get to work with some of the most beautiful and precious 2 and 3 year olds on the planet :) Okay, I dont ALWAYS feel that way, in the midst of a fit where Miss Becky has been kicked 4 or 5 times, when Im changing the poopy diaper from a 3 year old who just came up and said, "I know I should go in the potty, I just didnt want to". But 95% of the time I LOVE what Im doing and I know its a place I need to be right now to learn lessons for my own life. As I care for these children every day, God reveals to me the love and care he has for me, and really just a small glimpse of it.
I am telling you right now, I CANT WAIT to be a mother someday, I long for it, and I feel that I am getting a small taste of it now. And if my heart can grow and love these children that arent my own, a) I cant IMAGINE how much I am going to love my own children and b) CANT EVEN FATHOM the love that my savior truly has for me!

Some of the simplest lessons in my life are being learned right now through these children.

1- Once you ask God and he gives you an answer, DONT KEEP ASKING, he has given you the answer, you know what he said, just trust him. I dont know how many times in a day one of my little guys comes and says "Miss Becky are we going to play outside today?" and I always answer, sometimes its "Do you see the rain outside our window? That means we have to play inside today,but we will still have fun!" other times the answer is, "yes we are, as soon as....is done with his snack or as soon as Miss Becky gets....diaper changed" The point is, I ALWAYS answer them, and it doesnt matter, they STILL ASK! I do this with God alot! Im dealing with something right now in this regard. God has spoken to my heart very clearly about something, and it just doesnt seem to be happening in the way I think it should, so I just keep asking him about it,and he keeps saying the same things to me, "Becky, just wait, in my time, this is going to be beautiful and I have great things in store, just hold on!" But just like my kiddos, I come to him the next day, and ask him about it, I fret over it and worry about it. And it gets me no where, and sometimes I wonder if God gets as frustrated about it as I do :)

2- God holds us in the palm of his hand and he truly cares for us. One of my favorite times of the day is nap time, its not because Im lazy :) Its because this is one on one time with the kids, some of them cuddle right up to me and say "Miss Becky, I love you, youre the best teacher in the whole world" and sometimes they just cuddle in close because they know that they are safe in my arms. Again a moment I CANT WAIT to have with my children someday! I love to sing to the kids and just enjoy that precious time together. Another time that is hard for me is when the kids are sick, taking their temperatures and holding them as we wait for mom to come when its too high. Holding them after they have thrown up and they are so upset. I like to be reminded that God is holding me in the same way. When Im sick, he wants to hold me and care for me. When I am hurting he wants to wipe my tears, and sometimes he just wants those times to hold me close and remind me that he loves me.

3- Watching my kiddos grow and learn is SO REWARDING! When I first started teaching this class, I had a little boy who had a very bad speech problem, and because of this he just didnt want to talk much at all. Since my coming, he has developed a vocabulary! Granted many of his words are not recognizable unless you spend time with him everyday, but HE HAS LEARNED and I am a part of that!!! I think that God is the same with us. When we truly learn, he is SO PROUD of us. I will be honest and tell you that my first month in the classroom was NOT FUN! These kids had not had any discipline or structure and this is why I was brought in to their room. I had to rule with as much of an iron fist as you can with 2 and 3 year olds :) I had to discipline and at first I think the kids HATED me! BUT.....now 2 months in, they have learned! They clean up their own toys now! When Miss Becky sings the line up song, they line up. When its time to wash hands, the line up on the stars at the sink. Its not perfect, but they have LEARNED ALOT!!! I think that this is what God feels sometimes as well, he has to put us through those really hard times, to mold us into better people, to give us a life that is richer than the one we are presently living. Im thankful he does that for us!

I know that these are a few very simple lessons, but they are what God is teaching me right now. My kiddos, I love you very much! Not that any of you can read this :) But I do love you VERY MUCH! And you too friends :)

BUSYNESS....both fun and exhausting!!

I have been SUPER BUSY the past 2 weeks, and to be honest, I HAVE LOVED IT! I am doing alot of ministry and that is awesome! I have been spending time with my dad and that is great! I have gone to see mom and I LOVE that! I have spent alot of time with friends and let me tell you, that has been INCREDIBLE! When I lived in Sumner, I had one very close friend and her name was Trista, she and her family are what got me through! Dont get me wrong, I loved the people there and I knew that they loved me too, but I learned a lesson in ministry that sometimes it can be a VERY LONELY place. People dont want to get close to you because they are afraid if they let their guard down or act like themselves you will judge them because you are the youth pastor. Some people judge the choices you make for the ministry and no matter how much you have seeked the heart of God and trusted him in your decision, if they are not on board, you now have an enemy where a friend used to be. Sometimes you dont know who is your true friend and who is just pretending because youre the youth pastor. THE POINT IS....its been great to be reconnected with friends and family again :) and living in the same town as my BESTFRIEND, well that is irreplaceable, we can go on walks together, we can talk for hours, I can go over to her house whenever I want, we can go get coffee, we can go shopping together, she has even gotten me into working out! Yes while things have been CRAZY BUSY, I wouldnt trade the busyness for the world!!

This also means that I have missed some of my 30 list blogs, so I am going to put mini versions of the ones up to this point on my blog :)

Day 2- Name 3 things you fear the most.

1- Okay, let me be honest and tell you that one of my fears is letting people get to close. First of all, I am afraid that when they see who I really am they wont like it. They will think Im some nerdy, crazy person or something. So in that fear, telling you some of my other fears, well Im really letting you in friends :) I fear a great deal what people think of me and I never want anyone to be upset or unhappy with me. HOWEVER, I try to put on this front that I dont really care what other people think of me and Im just going to live my life :) and I will say that there is one area in which I DONT CARE and that is in my faith...what I mean is that I live my life unappologetically when it comes to living for Christ! When he calls me and asks me to go, I go and I dont care what anyone else thinks or says.

2- I have a HUGE fear of......SQUIRRELS!!! This is a legitmate fear. Those of you in college with me will be laughing your heads off here :) Some of the guys learned of my fear, and Im serious when I tell you that now Im scared to death squirrels will be popping up all over in my life and I AM FREAKED OUT! I dont know where the fear started, but these disease carrying, rats with bushy tails are the NASTIEST creatures on the Earth in my opinion and I REALLY HATE THEM!!!

3- I have a large fear of large bodies of water. I however, I am getting over this fear. I went swimming 6 TIMES this summer!!! and I actually enjoyed it!!! But I still have this fear, because I never learned how to swim, that somehow I will drown and that FREAKS me out!

4- because I am different than everyone :) I am a person who has issues of anxiety. That is something I dont like to let people know either, but I have fears often that something bad is happening to my body, some mysterious illness that i dont know about like cancer or something. My mother was recently diagnosed and is in remission! But is scares me to death that I might have that and not know it! or that I have heart issues and one day my heart will just give up and Ill have no clue I had them. I know its CRAZY, but It does scare me :( Im working on it though. I am a creation of Christ and should live in freedom with him!!!


Another list was to tell your relationship with your parents. As I already wrote a long blog about them, I wont do that here. But I will say, I have 2 of the SWEETEST, MOST AMAZING, WONDERFUL, GOD LOVING AND SERVING PARENTS IN THE WORLD!!!

another list was to tell you 5 things I am passionate about:

1- MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD- in my life, no matter how crappy anything else gets, my relationship with God means more to me than any of it! I have been a Christian since I was 5 years old and I praise God often that I had parents who took me to church and told me about Jesus all my life so that I never had to live my life without him.

2- Youth Ministry- I LOVE WORKING WITH YOUTH! I am a youth pastor at heart and I always will be :) I have a passion and desire to help those youth in our culture who desperately need it! The youth in our culture need people to reach out to them and pull them close to God in whatever way it takes!

3- My family. My family means more to me than anything else in the world! I am greatful for the parents and brother I have! I wouldnt trade them for the World!

4- My friends- I LOVE MY FRIENDS! The friends in my life are a HUGE blessing!!

5- My Church- I am very thankful and passionate about the church I serve in. Its not perfect, and no church is, but I have a passion to serve God and let his name and Glory be shown in our church in as many ways as possible!!!


Thats it for now, More to come soon!!!

Love you guys!!!

Becky

A 30 Day Challenge from one of my besties!

Meggan Schwirtz is one of the best friends I have ever had in my life. I wrote a blog about her a while back, you can refer back if you would like :) But Meggan has a blog of her own, much better and more frequently followed than mine. Meggan issued a challenge on her blog and I have decided that Im going to do it. She had a list of 30 things for 30 days that we are supposed to share. So for the next 30 days, these are the blogs you will be reading. Todays blog is to share 20 random things about myself, so here we go:

1- I LOVE Chocolate and find it very hard to live without it, I have fasted it several times in my life, in fact I am in the middle of a fast of chocolate right now and let me tell you, IT IS NOT EASY, But my God is worth it :0)

2- I have always wanted to have a big brother. I have a baby brother and I wouldnt trade him for the world, but I have always wondered what it would have been like to have a big brother. NOT a sister, I am enough drama for my family, I couldnt subject them to more :)

3- I LOVE High School Musical. I own all 3 movies, and I own all of the soundtracks. I even own a High School Musical Sing It Game for PS2. I dont really know why I love it so much, I just do.

4- I love acting. I was in my 1st musical when I was 8 years old. Annie- which by the way, I didnt get the part because I was too short :( I have been in plays most of my life. From 8 years old all the way through high school, when I became a young adult, the opportunities grew fewer and it has been about 10 years now since I have been in a play and I MISS IT! I love becoming a different person and playing the role with all of my heart. I even was awarded "Best Actress in a Supporting Role" for playing an insane woman my Junior Year of highschool!

5- I LOVE CANDY! Sour Patch Kids, Skittles, Blow Pops, Pixi Sticks, you name it and unless its black licorice, I probably love it in the candy variety!

6- I have written a lot of music about different things in my life AND I even think alot of it is pretty good, but I am just too scared to share it and find out.

7- When I was a little girl, every afternoon my dad would take me to the candy store for "Red Candy" or licorice. To this day, when I eat it, it is like a trip down memory lane and a special memory my dad and I have together.

8- I HATE BEING ALONE! I lived alone for a little while a couple times and I HATED IT! I just would rather have someone around me. I am not saying I dont ever need time to myself, but at the end of the day, I like having a house I can come home to where someone is waiting for me to arrive.

9- I LOVE MUSICALS! I have several favorites, Les Miserables, when I was 14 years old, I sang a solo from this musical in a choir concert. I was made fun of ALOT during those years, but when I got up and sang, NOONE made fun of me, God had given me a gift to use, and when the concert was over, many people looked at me differently than ever before, because of that gift. I LOVE the power of the voice and of musicals! Annie, The Music Man, these are just a few of my faves!

10- I would rather sing than talk sometimes. There are many times in life that I sing as often as I can. This is VERY WONDERFUL for a preschool teacher, because the KIDS love it!

11- I have never been kissed in my life and I have never been on a real date. I have also never been to a dance or been given flowers. It may sound very depressing and at times it is, but most of the time, I just get SUPER EXCITED, knowing the my future husband and I will get to share these moments together and they will all be firsts for me!!

12- I have several best friends in my life and I couldnt live without any of them. Shannon is the one I can share anything with and we can talk for HOURS together! She is truly the sister I never had. Meggan and I can share a laugh together anytime. and shes the one who even when I havent seen her forever or talked to her, when we do, we pick right back up where we left off as if time hasnt passed at all. Melissa is someone who I can lean on and I am someone who she can lean on as well. We are there for each other through alot of times in life. Trista is someone who identifies with me on a lot of levels. She is someone who has gone through many of the things I have gone through and loves me for who I am. Her family is my family and Im greatful for that. Jalisa is my late night camp buddy! Shes the one who can stay up til 4 or 5 in the morning talking to me. We can joke and we can get very serious too. Having these 5 women in my life is one of the GREATEST things in the world!

13- I am ashamed to admit this, but I am 30 years old and I have never voted in an election. NOT because I couldnt, but because I CHOSE not to. I didnt inform myself or choose to see the need for politics. I realize it now and am proud to say I am a REPUBLICAN who will be voting for Rick Santorum in the upcoming election!

14- I used to HATE cooking. I am learning to LOVE it now. I have made so many meals lately and one of my favorite things to do is to make my own recipes! I am so excited to one day be married and make meals for my husband and children!

15- I HATE Spaghetti but I love Spaghetti-Os. Its really weird I know :)

16- I LOVE THE DISNEY CHANNEL! Plain and simple, I am a 13 year old trapped inside a 30 year olds body :) I love candy, I love the Disney Channel, I have seen all the Twilight movies and most of the Harry Potter Movies. I have facebook and twitter. I LOVE boybands :) I drink juice boxes and kool aid. I eat fruit snacks and fruit roll ups.

17- I sang in public for the first time when I was 16 months old at a Christmas pagent for church. I HAVE LOVED AN AUDIENCE ever since. When I was little I used to stand in the grocery cart and sing "Jesus Loves Me" and other church songs for all the store to hear. and at Mc Donalds, the table became my stage :)

18- I am a HOPELESS ROMANTIC! I love chick flicks, I dream of my future wedding, my future husband and future family regularly.

19- I am addicted to TV. I have many shows that I LOVE! The Office, Community, How I Met Your Mother, Scrubs, One Tree Hill, Modern Family, Suburgatory, GLEE, Parenthood, and SO MANY MORE!

20- I love roadtrips, but I HATE travelling alone!

Im an open book, you want to know more, just ask me!!!

Lessons Learned....

"When you are in the valley, dont be discouraged, dont give up on God, but rather remember every moment, because it is when you are on the mountain that you will truly appriciate the beauty of the valley." "Furthermore, remember your time in the valley, because most likely, it is when you are pulled from the valley and standing on the mountain that God will allow you to see the needs of those in the valley, your experience will help them through."

These are some paraphrases from what God is speaking to my heart lately. I read it in a devotional book the other day, and I cannot for the life of me remember which one it is, but IT CHANGED MY LIFE! I have also been reading Crazy Love, we are studying it in the Young Adult Sunday School class I am teaching. Francis Chan, the author speaks of a a young woman who he frequently sees leading worship at a college that he speaks at. Each time he is there, she has more passion and desire in her worship. One day he approaches her and asks her about it, and she tells him, "Everytime I go before God, because he is the creator, I ask him to create a new and fresh experience for me and for those I am leading to his throne." I cried when he shared this story. First of all because I am a worship leader and THIS captures what I want in my heart when I lead, but this girl took it a step further and she did something about it! She didnt let it become routine or mundane. Every chance she got to worship and sing was a gift and a new creation. I have been leading worship this way the past few weeks and WHAT A CHANGE! To ALWAYS come to God with this heart and passion. I mean it is has been there for me, but Im telling you, its renewed, fresh, brighter than ever before!

BUT...When I come to God in my devotions and in my daily living, I am trying to be intentional about this too. It is amazing that when we come to God EVERYDAY expecting him to do something great, what a change can happen. I have been struggling alot lately with not fully experiencing the joy of my relationship with God, because I have been bogged down with the hard things in my life. With the crazyness and busyness, and with watching many of my other friends suffer right now. ITS TOUGH. But see, that is where God is challenging me, YES ITS HARD, but I dont have to go through it alone! I have a God who loves me and wants to stand beside me through all of it! And he WANTS to make a new creation in me every single day. And so, these past few weeks, I feel that God has been beside me, he always has been, but I have been making it a point to notice it and rejoice in it!!

As I shared, the quotes at the beginning of this blog. I feel like I am starting to be on the mountain after a VERY LONG valley in our family, I wouldnt say we are at the top yet. Mom is still in a nursing home and not walking yet, but shes starting to talk more, shes smiling more, and HER CANCER IS IN FULL REMISSION! So we have alot to praise God for. I am still sad that my brother is in another country, but I am finally okay with it and enjoying talking to him over facebook and on the phone when we get to! My physical health still has its moments where I get super achy from arthritis pain, BUT PRAISE GOD I AM SO MUCH BETTER! I have lost 40 pounds. My thyroid levels are at the best they have been in a VERY LONG time! and my other blood levels are GREAT TOO! And God has been sharing with me alot lately that he is about to do some AMAZING things, that I cant even begin to imagine! So yes, I am coming up the mountain and I will just praise God for each day of that :)

What I have been able to do lately though is to help many who are in the valley right now. I am amazed at the people that God is allowing to go through struggles right now and that he has enough confidence in ME to help them through it. I just hope that in all of it, they see the face of God and not ME! Friends who have lost loved ones, friends who are going through physical health issues, friends who are suffering from anxiety and depression. and even friends who are watching their parents be sick and suffer. I NEVER thought about the fact that my valley was going to be not only for the purpose of helping ME become a bigger and better person in Christ, but that also it was to help lift up and encourage those that would be going through their own valleys. The scripture God has given me, I am able to now share with them. The words he has spoken to my heart, I am now able to speak to their hearts. Our God is amazing and I am truly greatful to know him!!

I love my God and I am thankful for the valleys that he allowed me to go through. I am thankful that he loves me so much that he does things for my good, even when I dont understand it. I am going to leave you with a quote from Crazy Love that I think we should all think about this week.

"If my mind is the size of a soda can and God is the size of all the oceans, it would be stupid for me to say He is only the small amount of water I can scoop in my little can. God is so much bigger, so far beyond our time-encased, air/food/sleep-dependent lives"

When we truly realize how big our God is and allow him to be so, some pretty INCREDIBLE things can happen and I CANT WAIT to see what God unfolds!!!!

SORRY ITS BEEN SO LONG!!

Okay, I know, I really have been screwing up on this whole blog everyday thing :0) BUT...I do have good reason. I got a new job, I have some new ministries I am a part of, and I am doing work for the kingdom, so as much as I love you all, I had to take a break for a little while. I never did get to finish my daily blogs about the people in my life that have changed and impacted me, and I think that I will get back to that someday. We will see. I really enjoyed doing it, I dont think that we take the time to sit back and think about those things in our lives enough, let alone take it a step further and thank the people that have impacted us. Life gets busy and we just keep moving as though, at times, we think that we are just in this thing alone. WHICH IS SO NOT TRUE! But on to my life :0) ha ha ha.

I have been at my new job for several weeks now, and let me just say I LOVE IT! I love the people I work with. I love that I get a break everyday :0) I actually enjoy going in to work at 7 am, because it means I get to leave by 3 or 3:30 pm and now I get to start working with an after school program, a ministry that I could not do before due to my hours at work. I actually enjoy working with 2 year olds, I have about half and half in my class, half 2s and half 3s, and they are SO MUCH FUN! I dont know how God does it, but no matter how many kids and youth I work with in my life, I fall in love with a new batch everytime, and with just as deep a love as the group before. Its like my heart just keeps growing to add more love for more kids. I wonder if thats kind of what its like to be a mom? Maybe someday I will know the answer to that first hand :) I am learning to potty train, which has been both challenging and Im sure entertaining for those on the outside to watch :) I always enjoy a new challenge though. As I work in this room I will now be able to add 2 year olds to my resume of children I have worked with and it will read that I have worked with infants,1s, 2s, 3s, 4s, 5s, School Agers, Middle Schoolers, High Schoolers and in the next paragraph you will see, young adults as well. It is just so crazy to me how God has allowed me to work such a wide range of his people, and all of them just as beautiful and incredible as the last to me.

I am also taking on the role as the young adult leader at my church. I just started a young adult Sunday School and we are now in our second week. We are reading the book Crazy Love, and it has been very challenging to me. Great that I am challenged, I think it makes me a better teacher when God is speaking to me just the same as he is speaking to the students in my class :) Its been quite a challenge to be honest. These people are my peers, or people that are a few years younger than me, since I hit the big 3-0 this year! :) But still my peers, I consider them, as I dont feel that old!! I like to think of my age as more like 23 or 24, thats how old I feel anyways :0) ANYWAYS....I digress. It has been a challenge because I am such a people pleaser. I dont ever want to upset anyone or say anything that might make someone angry. I am not a natural born leader, its a trait I have had to learn. Working with your peers, its hard to know how to do that. When I work with children and youth, I am the adult, they know I am the adult and that means I am the one in charge and weather they like it or not, they have to listen to me and answer to me. How do you do that with your peers? And where is the balence of just going through life together and being a group of people who build one another up and share life together? As I learn, I will share those answers with you :)

We have been reading Crazy Love, and its all about falling in Love with God. It is written alot for people who have grown up in the church. People who have grown up beleiving in God, hearing his name in their daily lives, and for many of us, have forgotten the awe of God! It has been, as I said quite a challenge to me. The first chapter has been about prayer and relationship. This idea of praying actually expecting God to do something! The idea of realizing that God wants to answer us and he cares for each of us. But also realizing that sometimes, the answers come in ways that we may not like or want. The idea that NONE of this life is about us at all! Its about God and bringing Glory to him. We watched a video called "Awe Factor of God". Francis Chan, the author of the book, was talking about the Earth we live on, showing us how we live in a small galaxy which is a part of many other galaxies. The picture and idea was that when you really look at ALL that God created, our Earth seems pretty small and insignificant, and yet we think sometimes that we are all that matters, and there is SO MUCH MORE TO LIFE THAN WHAT WE ARE LIVING!

I have been challenged. My life is not what I thought it would be at age 30. I am living with my father and helping care for him, I go and visit my mother in a nursing home during the week, which is VERY HARD to do! Its not the life we dreamed for her or the life she dreamed for herself, but God is still using her to bless us and others daily! I am working in a daycare, and if Im not careful, I can feel that the life Im living is quite insignificant and means nothing. But its SO FAR FROM THE TRUTH!

I am learning that the life I life is VERY IMPORTANT! Each week I get to put a smile on not only my mothers face, but the face of those who are in the nursing home with her. Many of her friends look forward to my coming now, just because I remember their names and give them attention. I HATED going into the nursing home for a while, but I quickly learned, these people NEED love, they NEED care! They have to live here regardless of what they want, because of the cards they have been dealt. So I am making a HUGE difference to them! Even if its only a few hours a week, even if noone else knows my name, they know the face of God, because I am choosing to show it to them each week :) The smile on my dads face when he wakes up each day and knows that he isnt alone in his home, THAT is worth it all! I may not ever be famous, My name may not be called by thousands, but those people in the nursing home, if they know the name and face of God, THAT IS WHAT MATTERS!

I am learning that teaching is one of the most important jobs in the world! Again, it may seem very insignificant to some, but I get the chance to shape the lives of young children. Those 2 and 3 year olds in my room depend on Miss Becky. THAT is a HUGE responsibility. I sometimes dream of using my voice more and singing in front of huge crowds, but every day at nap time, when I get the chance to sing to those beautiful little faces, I realize that there is not a better use for my voice. I dream of speaking and teaching thousands, but I realize that those 12 children that I teach everyday are far more important that the thousands that I may never meet. And even though I am teaching colors,letters, shapes, numbers and other preschool things, to those 12 children, its the most important time of their lives, this is a time to shape them, and God feels that I am worthy enough to do that. Even if I do sing Wheels on the Bus EVERYDAY, and feel like a pro at changing diapers, washing hands, taking temperatures, and cleaning up toys :) Its all training for a greater thing :) and its all important because it is Gods work for Gods people.

Working at an after-school program in a small town is not really what I had in mind. Id rather be working in Minneapolis or some big city with a HUGE ministry to homeless and hurting teens. But...when I stop and think, and take classes, I quickly learn that I am right where God wants me. Our area of the country is the most hurting and many dont even know it! We have the highest rate of domestic, substance, alcohol, and child abuse!and the Highest Rates of Homelessness and poverty. The HIGHEST RATES ....IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY!! Right here in South East Iowa. It may not be as well known as the issues in Chicago, New York, Minneapolis or many other cities, but the issues and needs are there! So I see now that I am right where I NEED to be!

God has plans and is working DAILY! And if we are willing,even if its not what we would have planned or imagined, God will use us. Because we must once again realize that ITS NOT ABOUT US! When we truly live for God, he pours out of us. And when its a real relationship, HIS GLORY WILL SHINE THROUGH! This is my challenge and lessons that I have been learning lately. What has God been saying to you?

SORRY ITS BEEN SO LONG!!

Friends are the joy of life.....

Okay friends, I must start with an apology. I missed my writing a blog yesterday :( I am so sorry. I was really proud of myself for getting one written everyday, but yesterday was a crazy day. As many of you know, my job has not been going well. I LOVE what I do, teaching preschool, however, I work at a small Christian school that is privately funded and we have been DEEPLY AFFECTED by the economy. I have only been averaging 4-5 hours a day and I just cannot make it on this little amount of money. So yesterday, I had another interview in the line of interviews I have had lately. I went into each one prayerfully considering that God had a plan and I wanted his will. This interview was at another daycare, one that is growing and expanding and offers job security. One that will even offer to help pay for my education to get my Child Development Associate or my Early Childhood Associate. This will open many doors for me! Within a half hour of the interview, I got a call, offering me the job! I had been told they had others to interview and Id hear back by the end of the week, but when the call came, they shared with me that they didnt want to interview anyone else, I had impressed them so much that they knew that they couldnt find someone better. This was both exciting and humbling for me! Humbling because I dont see what they see....Im working on that, but Im not fully there yet :) And also because it was pretty obvious that God was speaking to me clearly that he had my life in his hands!!

Today was no less busy. Starting with a meeting at 10 am at church where the pastor offered me a volunteer position with young adult ministry in our church. This was a great meeting, because I have been looking for a place to minister more. I lead worship every other Sunday and I am the missions director, but I WANTED TO DO MORE! I then went in to work and had a great day with my kiddos. After work I had another meeting to discuss the Camp I will be co directing the youth program for this summer, Camp Zion is going to be alot of fun. We also had to discuss the upcoming retreat that we will hopefully be having for the youth in our Evangelical Conference. And then it was home to have some supper and relax and watch Parenthood :)

All of that to say that I finally see God beginning to move in my life and show me the reasons he has called me back to Oskaloosa for this season of my life! I went through a pretty tough place and have been really upset and concerned, but Im here now, seeing that God had me in his hands the whole time!!

So now to share with you about my friends. I am going to combine yesterday and todays blogs :)

First of all, Megan, Angie, and Stephanie. These were me 3 best friends in high school. We had some great times together. One of my favorite memories with these 3 girls is our annual Christmas parties! Every year at Christmas the four of us would have an overnight Christmas party. We would exchange gifts, watch Christmas movies, play games and just laugh and have a good time. I remember the year that we got in a fight and Megan and I started talking to each other in sign language because we knew it and Ang and Steph didnt :) We were in high school, we werent being mean, we were just being teenage girls! I remember the year that I went to get a hair cut, Meg had gone with me and they stylists had talked me into a very short hair cut, we came back to the house and noone knew what to think or say. IT WAS AWFUL! Id scan it in if I had my scanner, but to give you an idea, my brother called me "mushroom top" for the next few months. My curls made my hair poof and the top of my head did look like a large toadstool! These parties were so much fun. And so was our friendship.

Megan- Megan and I were like sisters back in high school. I was at her house alot and her family was like my family :) We had lots of Friday Night sleepovers. I remember when I had my baby think it over project for high school. I had to bring home one of those baby dolls that you take care of for the weekend. Megan and I were doing a great job taking care of her. We didnt have a night light when it came time for bed, and we wanted some dark so we could sleep for a few hours, so we had the idea of turning her lamp on and then just putting a tshirt over it, hours later, we woke up to a small fire in her room!! We got it put out, no serious injuries, but a memory that I will have for the rest of my life!
Megan and I loved music. We were on worship team together, she played piano and I got to sing. Her dad played guitar, and we had a great time. Our talks were some of the best talks ever. See with Megan, I know that I have a forever friend. Megan and I have not seen each other for several years, but I know that if I need someone to pray for me, she will. I know that if I ever needed someone to talk to, I could go to her. I am SO PROUD of the woman Megan has become, she is a beautiful mother to 2 equally beautiful boys, she is an incredible wife and most of all, she is an amazing example of Christ. I am thankful to have her in my life and I promise you that had she not been a part of my life, back in those high school years, I would not be who I am today.
Angie and I didnt get to be quite as close as Megan and I, but I still knew that she was always there to make me laugh. Angie is a very loyal friend and cares about the poeple in her life very deeply. I have always admired that about her. She has love in her heart for people that is a love much like the love of Christ. Angie has made a huge impact on my life in just recent years. I dont get to talk to her much, but seeing the life she is living, I am so proud to know her. Angie is married to a man who has been suffering from Cancer, they are both young adults, dealing with problems that most young adults dont go through and really shouldnt have to face, if we lived in an ideal World. But to see the grace that Angie has as she goes through this trial, I am amazed. To see the unconditional love that she has for her husband. To see her loyalty to the God that is standing beside her and Brian through this, it is all just a beautiful sight to watch. I am proud to know Angie and am thankful for her willingness to love God, trust him, and life life for him in the good and the not so good times.
Stephanie and I had a fun friendship. I remember that because Steph was a few years younger than me, I would sometimes ride the bus home from school with her and her brother and hang out with them when her mom would ask. One day her little brother took out a bebe gun and wanted to shoot me because I had made him mad about something ;) Stephanie and I suffered through an illness together that none of our other friends ever had called Bels Palsy. I had it for only 3 weeks. Poor Steph had it for months! But somehow this created a bond for us :) I loved going to her home and playing games with her and just having a great time. Steph is also a beautiful and incredible mother and I am quite thankful for her influence in my life as well.
All 3 of these women life far away from me and I dont get to see them much, but they have had a profound affect on my life and I would be the same had they not been in it and were they not in it, in a different way now.

I also get the chance to get tell you about 2 of my close friends now! Marianne and Lauren are 2 of my friends that I met at work at the daycare I teach at. I will say this in a way that I hope is not too conceited, but it has never been really tough for me to make friends. I love having people in my life and I love the friends I have. I am very thankful for these 2 girls as well. With everything that is going on at work, as I shared at the beginning of this blog, I have needed them in my life.

Marianne is someone who shares my faith. To know that I have someone in my place of work that loves God the way I do, is INCREDIBLE. When I share with her that God has been speaking to me, she doesnt look at me like Im crazy, she understands and listens and then shares with me what God has been saying to her as well. Marianne has a passion to serve God and Im thankful to have someone like that, because I have that passion too. Marianne gets excited with me about the little things in life :) Weather its a guy that I like, maybe its a book Im reading that God is really using to speak to me or a band I like, Marianne gets excited with me about it and that is just something I really am thankful for in a friend!

Lauren is another great friend at work. We have both been through some dark places in our lives lately and to know that we have each other to lean on is priceless. She is the friend who I can have fun with! We laugh together. We are VERY HONEST with each other ;) Lauren is a very great friend and I am thankful for her too!!

All in all, God has blessed me with some INCREDIBLE women in my life and I cant imagine life without them, and even if I could, I wouldnt want to. I love you girls!!