Monday, March 28, 2011
Really, youre a follower of Christ?
Okay....so I am going to try my best to write this in such a way that I am not being judgemental, because I am the last person that has any right to sit in judgement. However, accountibility is something that I think we have been lacking alot in this Christian walk lately. So today, I am not going to hold back, I am going to say what God has really been laying on my heart. Be ready for a short sermon in blog form. When I was a little girl and even to this day, I always wanted to follow the rules. I didnt like to go against them at all. I liked to make sure I was always doing what my parents told me to do. I guess some would have called me a good two shoes, and you know what? Im okay with that. Because I was striving to live my life in an honorable way. However, when I got to college, there was a short period of time, where I threw all of this away. I decided I was sick of following the rules, I was tired of always doing the right thing. I began swearing, not even because I liked it, just because I knew it was wrong. I began smoking, again, not because I liked it, just because it was against the rules. I became an ugly person, one who I was not proud to be at all. I HATED myself during this time and when I look back on it, I learned alot from it, but I wish I had just not even made the choices to begin with. I say all of this to say, I know that we all make the wrong choices sometimes, things we are not proud of, things we wish we could take back. But in the Christian walk, we are called to live a life that is higher than this. I was a camp counselor, I was a worship leader, and I was NOT representing the God I was sharing with all of these people. The moment that I remember the change coming in my life and realizing I couldnt do this anymore was 2 fold. First, I had alot of AMAZING friends, now at the time, I didnt think so, I was ticked at them, because they were all getting on my case for the choices I was making. Adam yelled at me quite a few times, Trevor had some serious talks with me, Shannon fought with me, Joni threatened to talk to those in authority at school if I didnt stop making these choices, and Fred cried as he held me one night telling me that he knew God had more for my life than what I was choosing. and ALL of them LOVED me in my sin, but they loved me too much to let me continue to live my life this way. More than that, they loved our God and were sick of me trampling his name. Going out and living one way at college and another when noone was watching, I had awful character during that time, the person I was when noone was watching was AWFUL. Still, I had not chosen to change. Second was the night that God broke me. I was singing and leading worship on stage one weekend when we were hosting high school kids at our college weekend. I had a call on my life to youth ministries, so I looked forward to these weekends every year. I was on stage and we were singing about how much we loved God, I looked at the faces of these kids and realized I was living a lie. I was broken, how could I do this to them? How could I do this to God who has been so faithful to me all of my life? How could I be doing this? I got done singing and ran back to my room that night and just threw myself on the bed and began to weep. That night I vowed that I was going to quit this lukewarm living thing. Revelation 3:15-16- "I know your works, you are neither hot or cold, be hot or be cold! Because you are neither one, you are lukewarm, I will spit you out of my mouth!" I could tell you the origin of this verse, and if I was really preaching a sermon, I probably would, but for now, suffice it to say that I am tired of watching people live this way and act this way toward my GOD! If I could go back to myself then, I would have done the same things that my friends did, because they were keeping my accountable to the live I had promised to live. I am just sadened by the state of the world around me and the Christians that are around me as well. I know that some people would call me radical and say that I am living to extremes and I need to lighten up, but I think I would rather be called a Radical and be made fun of than to compromise anything in this life. But you want to know the sadest part of this for me? Those that make fun of me for living this life are not non christians, no they are the very same people who are to be my brothers and sisters in Christ. The same ones who claim to serve the God that I love and serve and they are making fun of me because of my beliefs. They call me old fashioned or a prude. I have made some very important choices in my life, because I feel God has called me to them. I will not EVER drink alcohol. First of all because I will not support an industry that I have seen destroy some of the families of the teens I love and care about so much in my ministry. Secondly because of the way it looks in our culture today. I know that this is a very gray area and people would argue well in the Bible they drank wine and there is nothing wrong with it at all, and I am NOT going to sit in judgement of anyone else. But what God has called ME to, is that if its that much of a stumbling block for people, if it causes confusion for someone or causes them to get a clouded view when they look at me and Christ is not as clearly seen, GET IT OUT OF MY LIFE! I dont need it. Or how about the fact that I am 29 years old and am still single, because I have chosen courtship for my life and have yet to find the guy that God has led me to enter into this with. That I have never been kissed in my life, because I am saving it for my wedding night. EXTREME, i know :) But why is that so bad? I mean, because I want my relationship with the one God has for me to be so amazing and perfect that I dont want to do anything that might put blocks in it? I actually feel proud of the fact that I am completely pure and have these gifts to give to my future husband. That is NOT a slam on anyone who does not and that does NOT discount the grace that God offers us when we do come to him, I just have a heart that is full and proud and ready to love when God is ready to bring someone into my life. I just dont feel like I should be laughed at or condemned for choosing that life. The list could go on and on and I would be the first to tell you, once again, that does not mean I live a perfect life, but I strive to. Its what God has called me to. I have been learning and realizing that alot lately, yes we are sinners, ALL of us. BUT we are sinners that were SAVED by grace! That means that if I am living as a saved person and I am striving everyday to be more like Christ, that I dont have to live in sin, I dont have to make mistakes, I am a santified person and I need to start living my life as such! God has called me to be Holy! I am going to start living that everyday! and I hope that you can all see Christ in me and if you cant, CALL ME OUT!!! I mean it. I love my God and I want to live for him!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
You Saved Me.....
I love to sing, its no secret to those who are close to me at all, to be honest, even those who arent close to me, might catch me singing in a public restroom, its just a passion that I have in my soul. Next to my passion for Jesus, singing is the thing I am most passionate about in life. It has been a huge part of my life. I often remember scripture based on songs I learned in children's choir when I was younger. There are often things that I go through in life and I have songs that are my "go to" songs.
I was in a band for 3 years while I was in college and I loved it. I often remember songs we sang together and they help me through certain points in my life. I was thinking of one of those songs just the other day, "You Saved Me", was the name of the song. It is all about how God stepped in and saved our lives. I had the solo on this song, and it was one of my favorite to sing, because it was my personal testimony. There have been many points in my life where I was down and out and felt that I needed to be saved, but there is one point, my lowest, that I know God reached in and saved me. I wont go into detail, but suffice it to say, there was a day that I wanted to end my life. I was tired of being made fun of, I was tired of feeling like I didnt fit in. I was just tired of it all. That day, God sent my little brother into the room and we just had one of the most amazing conversations ever. I dont remember what was said and neither does he, we both just know that God used him to let me see myself through the eyes of Christ and how much I was really worth. When I sang this song, thats what I thought of. God physically saved my life that day, but long before that, he saved me.
I think we take that for granted sometimes. I think sometimes we are scared to admit that we even need saving at all. Thats what I want to think about and bask in this week. GOD SAVED ME! I am that important to him. He loves me and cares about EVERY PART of my life and he saved ME!!!! So now that I have been saved, what am I going to do about it?
I was in a band for 3 years while I was in college and I loved it. I often remember songs we sang together and they help me through certain points in my life. I was thinking of one of those songs just the other day, "You Saved Me", was the name of the song. It is all about how God stepped in and saved our lives. I had the solo on this song, and it was one of my favorite to sing, because it was my personal testimony. There have been many points in my life where I was down and out and felt that I needed to be saved, but there is one point, my lowest, that I know God reached in and saved me. I wont go into detail, but suffice it to say, there was a day that I wanted to end my life. I was tired of being made fun of, I was tired of feeling like I didnt fit in. I was just tired of it all. That day, God sent my little brother into the room and we just had one of the most amazing conversations ever. I dont remember what was said and neither does he, we both just know that God used him to let me see myself through the eyes of Christ and how much I was really worth. When I sang this song, thats what I thought of. God physically saved my life that day, but long before that, he saved me.
I think we take that for granted sometimes. I think sometimes we are scared to admit that we even need saving at all. Thats what I want to think about and bask in this week. GOD SAVED ME! I am that important to him. He loves me and cares about EVERY PART of my life and he saved ME!!!! So now that I have been saved, what am I going to do about it?
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
This weekend.....
Okay....so just as I thought, I got busy and was not able to do all the 30 days. I may come back to them later. But right now, I am going to talk about my weekend. Actually, let me go back and discuss the last 2 weeks and the whirlwind and craziness God has been working with us through!
So most of you know that this past year, for my mother, has been a very tough one. She has gone through depression, she went missing for a while, she went through times of confusion and disorientation, and none of the doctors could figure out why. She has been on many different anti depressants, and even went through some Electric Shock treatments to bring her out of what ever it was that was causing this. Through it all, though it was tough, we kept holding on and knowing that God was working and was going to show himself through this, for his Glory, not our comfort.
Well, last Friday, February 25, I was in the car getting ready to take my youth group on a ski trip when I got the call. My dad was crying on the other end. He said that my mom was being taken the the hospital for emergency surgery, they thought she had cancer of the spine. Now holding myself together, as to not scare a car full of youth, was not easy, but I did it. I went and told Luke the news, I composed myself, and we were on our way. My mom had lost the use of her legs a few days prior and had a cat scan and it showed a tumor causing the loss of her legs.
She had the surgery and came through it with flying colors! My brother and his wife and I rushed home as soon as we could, and the rest of the week, consisted of appointments and consultations with the doctors. The diagnosis...mom has B Cell Large Cell Lymphoma-a cancer that is very treatable and curable as well!
Now, while cancer is a scary and hard word to hear....in my moms case, it was Gods amazing work. You see, as they began to treat her with steroids, she came out of her depression. My mom had barely talked to us at all in the past year, in fact, most times, we didnt even think she knew or cared if we were around. But, my mom came back! She started joking with us again, she started talking to us. She is back to her old self again! The doctor told us that this cancer had been growing for quite sometime and that all that she has been through is directly correlated to the cancer. So she started Chemo, and that has been hard, but, when she is through with it, 6 treatments, and the cancer is iradicated from her body, she will be a new woman! Her back pain, that she has been suffering from for quite a while now, as completely disipated! The prayer now is that she will get the use of her legs back! She has had such trauma to her spinal cord that they cant guarantee that. While she can live a normal life without the use of her legs, its just another tough blow for her after the thousands she has already had this year! She is an AMAZING woman and an inspiration to me! God is real and working everyday! and in his way and time, his miracles are better than ANYTHING I could plan :)
Well, after that week, I came back home and got my kids ready to go on a trip to Acquire the Fire. Now, I am going to be totally honest with you here, I DIDNT WANT TO GO AT ALL!! I wanted to be at a youth ministers conference that was the same weekend. But God knew what he was doing. God moved this weekend alot. I know that he shared alot with my kids, but he shared alot with me too.
one thing that stuck out was a night during worship, the worship leader was sharing with us as we sang one of my favorite songs, Hosanna. He shared that the word means, "save us now". I began to think about this, our God is a God that saves. He loves us and he cares for us. and he wants to save us, its the basis of our relationship with him, if we didnt need to be saved, we wouldnt need him. But have I really allowed myself to be saved and enjoy the complete joy of it? I have dreamed for years that I would meet prince charming and he would come into my life, sweep me off my feet and save me and I would live happily ever after, but have I let God do that in my life?
Secondly, was the craziest turn of events that has happened to me in a long time. When we got to the event, we immedietly went upstairs and got settled and then it was time for worship. As I got into worship, I looked around for a minute, because I noticed that this guy was walking around our section just praying for our kids. I realized that this is something they assign many staff to do. But it touched my heart, these people were praying for me and for my kids :) God drew my attention to the young gentlemen praying for us, God just drew my attention and simply whispered, pray for him and remember him. So, I did.
Throughout the weekend, this guy was in our section, he prayed with some of our kids and passed out things to us when we needed them. At one point, our group wanted to adopt a child from Compassion International, so as we raised our hands, he brought us our packet, and of course the question I am used to by now, "sure, you can have one, but where is your youth leader?" I just smiled and said, "oh thats me". He smiled and said, "great!" This was the first interaction we had. And I just kept reminding myself, God told me to remember this guy.
As we broke from our session, my friend Trista, who has become one of my bestfriends, and had come to help chaperone for the week, went with me to look for shirts to buy. Now let me explain, I had been to this booth 3 times already, I really wanted a shirt and kept hoping theyd get my size, but they never did. So we went up once more, so I could pick another one. I was being ever so careful to pick, because we all know how I am with fashion :) As we were at the booth, this guy comes up. He immedietly begins talking to us. Sharing with me how much he loves Leeland, because I had just purchased an irish looking Leeland wristband. I love LEELAND! So as he comments, I share with him that while I love the band, I also got it for my irish heritage which I am so VERY PROUD of :) He told me I was rocking it very well, and began to flirt. Okay, I know Im not there for a guy, but the next events are going to be that of a flirtly love story, just a discliamer :)
So as he and are talking, my friend Trista shares with him that I am very into fashion and sometimes spend too much time on putting together my ensembles ;) that day i had my boots that matched my scarf that matched my hat. :) To which he replies, "As she should, she is beautiful" and "she is made in the image of Christ as well". Okay, now let me just say, I didnt even get the hint of what was going on here. I honestly thought he was just trying to make a sale and get me to buy more stuff. So Trista, being the loving friend that she is proceeds to ask, "well are you single?" and he looks at me and says, "yes, i am." Trista says, "well how do you feel about courtship?" He then gets red in the face and starts to stutter. "Well, Im Still s-s-s-seeking God on what he has for me". The girl at the booth with him then says, "well he cant date anyway, its a rule of acquire the fire". And then, he looks at me and says, "but im done in August.". Now here is the thing, I missed all of this. My friend Trista recapped later for me.
Because here is what happened in my head. I have been lead on before in my life. I have thought that there was something there and it turned out that the guy was not feeling anything for me. I have also been working on it, but still thought there was no way that this guy would be interested in someone like me.
As the night went on, we were in the last service, he was passing something out, he came and brought it to our row and looked at me with a big smile and said "hey there". Problem is, I didnt get his name or number or anything. I was too scared. I just let my insecurities get the best of me! Since the weekend, God just keeps laying him on my heart. But I have no idea how I will find him.
I just hate that because of my insecurities I missed out on what could have been great blessing in my life. I pray that if its Gods will, he will work it out that somehow Ill find him. But even if I dont, someone out there thinks Im beautiful and that gives me hope to know that God has someone for me. Weather its this man or someone else. Keep praying for me.
God is doing some AMAZING stuff!!!
Love you all!
Becky
So most of you know that this past year, for my mother, has been a very tough one. She has gone through depression, she went missing for a while, she went through times of confusion and disorientation, and none of the doctors could figure out why. She has been on many different anti depressants, and even went through some Electric Shock treatments to bring her out of what ever it was that was causing this. Through it all, though it was tough, we kept holding on and knowing that God was working and was going to show himself through this, for his Glory, not our comfort.
Well, last Friday, February 25, I was in the car getting ready to take my youth group on a ski trip when I got the call. My dad was crying on the other end. He said that my mom was being taken the the hospital for emergency surgery, they thought she had cancer of the spine. Now holding myself together, as to not scare a car full of youth, was not easy, but I did it. I went and told Luke the news, I composed myself, and we were on our way. My mom had lost the use of her legs a few days prior and had a cat scan and it showed a tumor causing the loss of her legs.
She had the surgery and came through it with flying colors! My brother and his wife and I rushed home as soon as we could, and the rest of the week, consisted of appointments and consultations with the doctors. The diagnosis...mom has B Cell Large Cell Lymphoma-a cancer that is very treatable and curable as well!
Now, while cancer is a scary and hard word to hear....in my moms case, it was Gods amazing work. You see, as they began to treat her with steroids, she came out of her depression. My mom had barely talked to us at all in the past year, in fact, most times, we didnt even think she knew or cared if we were around. But, my mom came back! She started joking with us again, she started talking to us. She is back to her old self again! The doctor told us that this cancer had been growing for quite sometime and that all that she has been through is directly correlated to the cancer. So she started Chemo, and that has been hard, but, when she is through with it, 6 treatments, and the cancer is iradicated from her body, she will be a new woman! Her back pain, that she has been suffering from for quite a while now, as completely disipated! The prayer now is that she will get the use of her legs back! She has had such trauma to her spinal cord that they cant guarantee that. While she can live a normal life without the use of her legs, its just another tough blow for her after the thousands she has already had this year! She is an AMAZING woman and an inspiration to me! God is real and working everyday! and in his way and time, his miracles are better than ANYTHING I could plan :)
Well, after that week, I came back home and got my kids ready to go on a trip to Acquire the Fire. Now, I am going to be totally honest with you here, I DIDNT WANT TO GO AT ALL!! I wanted to be at a youth ministers conference that was the same weekend. But God knew what he was doing. God moved this weekend alot. I know that he shared alot with my kids, but he shared alot with me too.
one thing that stuck out was a night during worship, the worship leader was sharing with us as we sang one of my favorite songs, Hosanna. He shared that the word means, "save us now". I began to think about this, our God is a God that saves. He loves us and he cares for us. and he wants to save us, its the basis of our relationship with him, if we didnt need to be saved, we wouldnt need him. But have I really allowed myself to be saved and enjoy the complete joy of it? I have dreamed for years that I would meet prince charming and he would come into my life, sweep me off my feet and save me and I would live happily ever after, but have I let God do that in my life?
Secondly, was the craziest turn of events that has happened to me in a long time. When we got to the event, we immedietly went upstairs and got settled and then it was time for worship. As I got into worship, I looked around for a minute, because I noticed that this guy was walking around our section just praying for our kids. I realized that this is something they assign many staff to do. But it touched my heart, these people were praying for me and for my kids :) God drew my attention to the young gentlemen praying for us, God just drew my attention and simply whispered, pray for him and remember him. So, I did.
Throughout the weekend, this guy was in our section, he prayed with some of our kids and passed out things to us when we needed them. At one point, our group wanted to adopt a child from Compassion International, so as we raised our hands, he brought us our packet, and of course the question I am used to by now, "sure, you can have one, but where is your youth leader?" I just smiled and said, "oh thats me". He smiled and said, "great!" This was the first interaction we had. And I just kept reminding myself, God told me to remember this guy.
As we broke from our session, my friend Trista, who has become one of my bestfriends, and had come to help chaperone for the week, went with me to look for shirts to buy. Now let me explain, I had been to this booth 3 times already, I really wanted a shirt and kept hoping theyd get my size, but they never did. So we went up once more, so I could pick another one. I was being ever so careful to pick, because we all know how I am with fashion :) As we were at the booth, this guy comes up. He immedietly begins talking to us. Sharing with me how much he loves Leeland, because I had just purchased an irish looking Leeland wristband. I love LEELAND! So as he comments, I share with him that while I love the band, I also got it for my irish heritage which I am so VERY PROUD of :) He told me I was rocking it very well, and began to flirt. Okay, I know Im not there for a guy, but the next events are going to be that of a flirtly love story, just a discliamer :)
So as he and are talking, my friend Trista shares with him that I am very into fashion and sometimes spend too much time on putting together my ensembles ;) that day i had my boots that matched my scarf that matched my hat. :) To which he replies, "As she should, she is beautiful" and "she is made in the image of Christ as well". Okay, now let me just say, I didnt even get the hint of what was going on here. I honestly thought he was just trying to make a sale and get me to buy more stuff. So Trista, being the loving friend that she is proceeds to ask, "well are you single?" and he looks at me and says, "yes, i am." Trista says, "well how do you feel about courtship?" He then gets red in the face and starts to stutter. "Well, Im Still s-s-s-seeking God on what he has for me". The girl at the booth with him then says, "well he cant date anyway, its a rule of acquire the fire". And then, he looks at me and says, "but im done in August.". Now here is the thing, I missed all of this. My friend Trista recapped later for me.
Because here is what happened in my head. I have been lead on before in my life. I have thought that there was something there and it turned out that the guy was not feeling anything for me. I have also been working on it, but still thought there was no way that this guy would be interested in someone like me.
As the night went on, we were in the last service, he was passing something out, he came and brought it to our row and looked at me with a big smile and said "hey there". Problem is, I didnt get his name or number or anything. I was too scared. I just let my insecurities get the best of me! Since the weekend, God just keeps laying him on my heart. But I have no idea how I will find him.
I just hate that because of my insecurities I missed out on what could have been great blessing in my life. I pray that if its Gods will, he will work it out that somehow Ill find him. But even if I dont, someone out there thinks Im beautiful and that gives me hope to know that God has someone for me. Weather its this man or someone else. Keep praying for me.
God is doing some AMAZING stuff!!!
Love you all!
Becky
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