Really, youre a follower of Christ?

Okay....so I am going to try my best to write this in such a way that I am not being judgemental, because I am the last person that has any right to sit in judgement. However, accountibility is something that I think we have been lacking alot in this Christian walk lately. So today, I am not going to hold back, I am going to say what God has really been laying on my heart. Be ready for a short sermon in blog form. When I was a little girl and even to this day, I always wanted to follow the rules. I didnt like to go against them at all. I liked to make sure I was always doing what my parents told me to do. I guess some would have called me a good two shoes, and you know what? Im okay with that. Because I was striving to live my life in an honorable way. However, when I got to college, there was a short period of time, where I threw all of this away. I decided I was sick of following the rules, I was tired of always doing the right thing. I began swearing, not even because I liked it, just because I knew it was wrong. I began smoking, again, not because I liked it, just because it was against the rules. I became an ugly person, one who I was not proud to be at all. I HATED myself during this time and when I look back on it, I learned alot from it, but I wish I had just not even made the choices to begin with. I say all of this to say, I know that we all make the wrong choices sometimes, things we are not proud of, things we wish we could take back. But in the Christian walk, we are called to live a life that is higher than this. I was a camp counselor, I was a worship leader, and I was NOT representing the God I was sharing with all of these people. The moment that I remember the change coming in my life and realizing I couldnt do this anymore was 2 fold. First, I had alot of AMAZING friends, now at the time, I didnt think so, I was ticked at them, because they were all getting on my case for the choices I was making. Adam yelled at me quite a few times, Trevor had some serious talks with me, Shannon fought with me, Joni threatened to talk to those in authority at school if I didnt stop making these choices, and Fred cried as he held me one night telling me that he knew God had more for my life than what I was choosing. and ALL of them LOVED me in my sin, but they loved me too much to let me continue to live my life this way. More than that, they loved our God and were sick of me trampling his name. Going out and living one way at college and another when noone was watching, I had awful character during that time, the person I was when noone was watching was AWFUL. Still, I had not chosen to change. Second was the night that God broke me. I was singing and leading worship on stage one weekend when we were hosting high school kids at our college weekend. I had a call on my life to youth ministries, so I looked forward to these weekends every year. I was on stage and we were singing about how much we loved God, I looked at the faces of these kids and realized I was living a lie. I was broken, how could I do this to them? How could I do this to God who has been so faithful to me all of my life? How could I be doing this? I got done singing and ran back to my room that night and just threw myself on the bed and began to weep. That night I vowed that I was going to quit this lukewarm living thing. Revelation 3:15-16- "I know your works, you are neither hot or cold, be hot or be cold! Because you are neither one, you are lukewarm, I will spit you out of my mouth!" I could tell you the origin of this verse, and if I was really preaching a sermon, I probably would, but for now, suffice it to say that I am tired of watching people live this way and act this way toward my GOD! If I could go back to myself then, I would have done the same things that my friends did, because they were keeping my accountable to the live I had promised to live. I am just sadened by the state of the world around me and the Christians that are around me as well. I know that some people would call me radical and say that I am living to extremes and I need to lighten up, but I think I would rather be called a Radical and be made fun of than to compromise anything in this life. But you want to know the sadest part of this for me? Those that make fun of me for living this life are not non christians, no they are the very same people who are to be my brothers and sisters in Christ. The same ones who claim to serve the God that I love and serve and they are making fun of me because of my beliefs. They call me old fashioned or a prude. I have made some very important choices in my life, because I feel God has called me to them. I will not EVER drink alcohol. First of all because I will not support an industry that I have seen destroy some of the families of the teens I love and care about so much in my ministry. Secondly because of the way it looks in our culture today. I know that this is a very gray area and people would argue well in the Bible they drank wine and there is nothing wrong with it at all, and I am NOT going to sit in judgement of anyone else. But what God has called ME to, is that if its that much of a stumbling block for people, if it causes confusion for someone or causes them to get a clouded view when they look at me and Christ is not as clearly seen, GET IT OUT OF MY LIFE! I dont need it. Or how about the fact that I am 29 years old and am still single, because I have chosen courtship for my life and have yet to find the guy that God has led me to enter into this with. That I have never been kissed in my life, because I am saving it for my wedding night. EXTREME, i know :) But why is that so bad? I mean, because I want my relationship with the one God has for me to be so amazing and perfect that I dont want to do anything that might put blocks in it? I actually feel proud of the fact that I am completely pure and have these gifts to give to my future husband. That is NOT a slam on anyone who does not and that does NOT discount the grace that God offers us when we do come to him, I just have a heart that is full and proud and ready to love when God is ready to bring someone into my life. I just dont feel like I should be laughed at or condemned for choosing that life. The list could go on and on and I would be the first to tell you, once again, that does not mean I live a perfect life, but I strive to. Its what God has called me to. I have been learning and realizing that alot lately, yes we are sinners, ALL of us. BUT we are sinners that were SAVED by grace! That means that if I am living as a saved person and I am striving everyday to be more like Christ, that I dont have to live in sin, I dont have to make mistakes, I am a santified person and I need to start living my life as such! God has called me to be Holy! I am going to start living that everyday! and I hope that you can all see Christ in me and if you cant, CALL ME OUT!!! I mean it. I love my God and I want to live for him!