So I became very public a few weeks ago sharing with you that I was going to do the Daniel Fast again, as the rest of the church was doing this too. Some of the congregation, not all of them. Well, about 5 or 6 days into the fast, I began to hear comments from those around me about why they had chosen not to do the fast this year, things like, "because God has not called me", or "its become a ritual to me and its lost significance". And many other reasons as well. As I continued with my fast, things began to ring in my ears, God began asking me why I was really doing this fast, was it really for him, and did I really even know who he was at this point in my life. So I began to listen to myself, the things I would say through out the day. Yes, I do talk to myself often in my mind, its not crazy, just a motivation thing at times :) And I began to listen to my prayers to God. And several things rang in my head that I just couldnt look past. I kept thinking about all the weight I would loose, so I would look better on the outside and then maybe I would feel better about myself all the way around. I was thinking about how through this, by my sacrifice maybe God would miraculously heal my mom, and if I stopped earlier, maybe he would make her sick forever and NEVER heal her. and I began to realize that I was getting very physically ill, because this fast was effecting my thyroid issues as well. And so, after much prayer and consideration, I stopped the fast. And to be honest, I feel free, somehow I feel closer to God, because Im growing closer to him in ways that HE is asking, not on MY terms.
But I learned ALOT from this as well. You see, this has been my walk with God. Its always been about me. How does my walk with him make ME feel? How does being a Christian affect MY life? but this is where I have been WRONG!! Its not about me at all....not even one part of it!! Its about GOD!! And I have to be honest and tell you that right now, I find myself at a place that I dont even know how much I actually know God. I have been a Christian all myself, I have heard about him and read about him and taught about him and sung about him and wrote papers about him, but do I really KNOW him? Does my relationship with him really change me? NO! Because I have been making it about ME for far to long! When I pray, its because I have things I need him to do for me or for those that I love. When he doesnt answer in the way that I think he should, I get angry with him and pull away rather than drawing closer and realizing that he has a GREATER plan than I could ever dream.
I love the skit guys, and they do this skit called, Gods Chisel. I will try to attach it to this, but I cant promise anything :) Im not that technically saavy....however, there is a quote from it that I want to use. They say, "When you look in the mirror who do you see?....if its still you, then I still have work to do, because when you look at that mirror and when others look at you, I want them to see my son!" I want that to be my life. When people look at me, they dont see me at all. They see God! But in order for that to happen, I must know him, much more than I do right now.
This is my honest heart right now. I want to know God more than I do right now. I want to love him more than I do right now. I want to serve him more than I do right now. I want to be like him. I want him to be seen in me much more than he is right now. At the end of the day though, what I want doesnt even matter, its what HE wants. So I want to ask you, who is God to you right now? Do you know him? I am taking an AMAZING class right now, it is called PERSPECTIVES. Its about God, who he is and how I can let him radically change my life and then share that with others. Its incredible!! The speaker last night, he was awesome. He shared some great stuff, but he shared this quote that has just been "haunting" me.
He asked us this: "Are you following God or are you living your life and asking him to follow you?" I had to really think about this and tell you that honestly, until last night, I would say that i was living the later. I was asking God to answer my prayers in my way and do what I wanted. Rather than trusting that he had a great plan and that I just needed to surrender and follow it!
I was thinking about this the other day. I have been through alot this year. And was asking God to help me understand why. Mainly for me to understand why it is that after praying for my mom to get better over and over and over again, why he couldnt just reach down and make it better all at once. But it became abundantly clear to me the other day. You see, if he had done that, I would still be at the same place in my relationship with that I always have been. Maybe a little more greatful and thankful. But I wouldnt be on my face before him right now trying my hardest to find him and who he is. And I certainly wouldnt have been changed in the way that I have been. He had to drag me down to the pit, so that I would see how much I needed him and so that I would truly begin to rely on him and who he wants to be in my life.
I make this promise, to you, my family and friends, to my youth group, but most of all, to MY GOD! I WILL BE CHANGED! You will see Christ in me. You will see me becoming more like him in all that I do! I am a FOLLOWER OF CHRIST no questions! I am HIS, WHOLLY AND COMPLETELY HIS!!!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
Daniel Fast, Reflections and Letting God!
Okay, so not too long ago, okay I guess its been almost 2 years now :( but anyways, what SEEMS LIKE not that long ago, I did the Daniel Fast, I blogged about it then and God did some very amazing things in my life during that time. Well, the church has decided that they are going to do the fast together, and so here I find myself again, at the beginning of the time of fasting. The 1st couple days are the hardest for me, and I am just in the middle of day one. You see, heres the thing, I think that if I wasnt on the fast, I wouldnt even be thinking about food, but because Im on it and I know I cant have certain things, somehow, now I want them even more. So crazy how our human brains work!
I have several reasons that I want to do this fast. The first is this, I want to do something together as the body of Christ, to grow closer to one another, so that we can in turn, grow closer to Christ, and become the army that fights for him. In some ways, as cheesy as it sounds, I guess I see the people in the church that are going through this with me, as my battle buddies. I know, right, like you can even see me, little 4'11'' Becky Canny, strawberry shortcake, cabbage patch, campbell soup kid, cutiepie fighting in battle :) But the truth is, we ALL are! We are in battle every day, and doing this fast, puts us right in the front lines, as we try to grow closer to God and in our faith, Satan is going to try his best to push us down and make us feel defated! So first of all, I ask for your prayers in all of this. Pray for me and for the other members of my church who are doing this fast as well.
But I said I had more than one reason I was doing this. I am also doing this for the healing of my mom. I and many others have been praying for her healing for quite a while, but I have to be honest and say that I have not put it all completely in the hands of God and to be more honest, at times I have become discouraged and told myself that the hope of her healing is just something I shouldnt continue to hold on to. This is not true. I serve a God who loves and cares for me, and who loves and cares deeply for my mother and the rest of my family as well. Part of my fast time is going to be spent in prayer for her.
Also, the youth ministry here at the church. I am in this place where Im right at the beginning of being in full time ministry and its scary at times. I have been in ministry for 10 years now, but not full time where people at church are watching my every move and where I am accountable to EVERYTHING I do in life, because I am in a place of being an example of Christ. and I LOVE it!!!! But its also a place where I feel weak at times. Where I do feel defeated at times, or feel like I am not going to be able to live up to what is expected of me, this is where the fast comes in, I want God to lead this ministry and I want to put him first, fasting for me in this instance is seeking him and his will.
Another thing I am fasting for is the camps I am going to be counseling at this summer. I am the director for one camp and I am a counselor/activities and games coordinator for another, and for the third, Im not really sure what God is calling me to do yet, which is one thing I will be seeking as I fast. I want the camps to be led by God and what he has for these kids. I am just his hands and feet, he is the leader and in fasting, I believe God is going to guide me in this area as I fast.
I am also fasting for personal relationships. I want to be a person that God is proud of, and I want to be the person in relationships that builds the other up. There are some relationships in my life lately that have been very strained and I have been very hurt in some things. Part of fasting for me is trusting God and laying those relationships in his hands and that rather than them seeing ME, they see him, and rather than MY feelings and MY actions being what sticks out, instead, its what GOD wants and HE is what pours out of me.
I have so many reasons why I am fasting, another is for my future spouse. I am going to be 29 in just a few weeks, very close to 30, and while I would love to say that I am at a place in my life where I am happy about everything, I am not. I have this longing and desire in my heart to find someone. I have this feeling and very real desire that there is someone out that there that God wants me to meet. I have prayed for him for many years of my life. Not just that I would meet him, but FOR him, like his family life, his relationships, just his life in general, that God would bless and care for him very much and watch over him. There are days where I literally MISS him.
I have many reasons why I am fasting right now and things that I am praying for and letting go of through out this fast, but the bottom line, I am doing it for God. I want to grow closer to him. This past year has been one that has rocked my world. My brother got married and is moving to another country and in this, in many ways, I lost my bestfriend in the World and have had to learn to rely on God. My mother has been in a car accident, in the hospital 3 times, went missing for 2 days this summer, after trying to kill herself, and is now in a nursing home recovering from all of the things that she has had to face this past year, I was called to move to a town that is 3 hours from all I have ever known, my friends, my family. This year I have had many times where I have been angry with God, where I have not understood why my family is going through all of the pain that they are going through. But I know that God is there and I know he has a reason for all of it. Maybe its so that I would get on my face before him and make my relationship with him real again, maybe its so that we would grow close as a family and learn to place it ALL in the hands of God. I dont know, but I DO KNOW the God that I am doing this for is worth all of it and deserves even more than I could even begin to offer to him.
I know that God is going to do some incredible things through this fast, I hope to blog each day for the next 40 days about this fast that God is leading me through. Here is a basic lowdown of what God has called me to do in this fast. It may be different for everyone, and because of my health issues, I have modified it a little, but its not about legalism and rules, its about what I personally am giving up to focus more on God.
I can eat:
All Fruits-Canned or Fresh(only if they are in water and not syrup)
All Vegetables-Canned or Fresh
Broths-Chicken, Beef, or Vegetable
Nuts-any kind of nuts
Dairy-because of my thyroid, I cannot completely give up dairy, or I would loose the calcium my bones and muscles need to function, so I am allowed 2 servings of dairy products a day.
Dairy products allowed are:
Cottage Cheese
Milk-white only-2%
Yogurt
Eggs-I can have 2 eggs a day for protein
Spices-I can use most spices to add flavor to dish
Whole Grains-pastas, whole wheat bread, whole wheat pancakes, wheat flour
Beverages-Fruit or Vegetable Juices, Water, 2 glasses of milk(max) in one day, Herbal Teas, Coffee (decaf only)
Sweet Treat Allowed: Lemon Drops-in case of sore throat or need for sugar.
Foods I CANT have:
Chocolate or any kind of candy or sweets
White Bread, Flour, Pastas
Meat
Processed Foods
Cheese-other than the cottage cheese I am allowed to have for my calcium each day.
Caffine
Sugar, besides the natural sugars in fruits and veggies and whole grains
Pop
This is a pretty basic view of the things that I am not able to eat for the next 40 days and the things I AM able to eat. I think it is going to be a great time with my savior and I also believe it is going to help me physically.
I will try to blog again tomorrow. about how the fast is going. Have a great day and be blessed by God in ALL you do!!!
Becky
I have several reasons that I want to do this fast. The first is this, I want to do something together as the body of Christ, to grow closer to one another, so that we can in turn, grow closer to Christ, and become the army that fights for him. In some ways, as cheesy as it sounds, I guess I see the people in the church that are going through this with me, as my battle buddies. I know, right, like you can even see me, little 4'11'' Becky Canny, strawberry shortcake, cabbage patch, campbell soup kid, cutiepie fighting in battle :) But the truth is, we ALL are! We are in battle every day, and doing this fast, puts us right in the front lines, as we try to grow closer to God and in our faith, Satan is going to try his best to push us down and make us feel defated! So first of all, I ask for your prayers in all of this. Pray for me and for the other members of my church who are doing this fast as well.
But I said I had more than one reason I was doing this. I am also doing this for the healing of my mom. I and many others have been praying for her healing for quite a while, but I have to be honest and say that I have not put it all completely in the hands of God and to be more honest, at times I have become discouraged and told myself that the hope of her healing is just something I shouldnt continue to hold on to. This is not true. I serve a God who loves and cares for me, and who loves and cares deeply for my mother and the rest of my family as well. Part of my fast time is going to be spent in prayer for her.
Also, the youth ministry here at the church. I am in this place where Im right at the beginning of being in full time ministry and its scary at times. I have been in ministry for 10 years now, but not full time where people at church are watching my every move and where I am accountable to EVERYTHING I do in life, because I am in a place of being an example of Christ. and I LOVE it!!!! But its also a place where I feel weak at times. Where I do feel defeated at times, or feel like I am not going to be able to live up to what is expected of me, this is where the fast comes in, I want God to lead this ministry and I want to put him first, fasting for me in this instance is seeking him and his will.
Another thing I am fasting for is the camps I am going to be counseling at this summer. I am the director for one camp and I am a counselor/activities and games coordinator for another, and for the third, Im not really sure what God is calling me to do yet, which is one thing I will be seeking as I fast. I want the camps to be led by God and what he has for these kids. I am just his hands and feet, he is the leader and in fasting, I believe God is going to guide me in this area as I fast.
I am also fasting for personal relationships. I want to be a person that God is proud of, and I want to be the person in relationships that builds the other up. There are some relationships in my life lately that have been very strained and I have been very hurt in some things. Part of fasting for me is trusting God and laying those relationships in his hands and that rather than them seeing ME, they see him, and rather than MY feelings and MY actions being what sticks out, instead, its what GOD wants and HE is what pours out of me.
I have so many reasons why I am fasting, another is for my future spouse. I am going to be 29 in just a few weeks, very close to 30, and while I would love to say that I am at a place in my life where I am happy about everything, I am not. I have this longing and desire in my heart to find someone. I have this feeling and very real desire that there is someone out that there that God wants me to meet. I have prayed for him for many years of my life. Not just that I would meet him, but FOR him, like his family life, his relationships, just his life in general, that God would bless and care for him very much and watch over him. There are days where I literally MISS him.
I have many reasons why I am fasting right now and things that I am praying for and letting go of through out this fast, but the bottom line, I am doing it for God. I want to grow closer to him. This past year has been one that has rocked my world. My brother got married and is moving to another country and in this, in many ways, I lost my bestfriend in the World and have had to learn to rely on God. My mother has been in a car accident, in the hospital 3 times, went missing for 2 days this summer, after trying to kill herself, and is now in a nursing home recovering from all of the things that she has had to face this past year, I was called to move to a town that is 3 hours from all I have ever known, my friends, my family. This year I have had many times where I have been angry with God, where I have not understood why my family is going through all of the pain that they are going through. But I know that God is there and I know he has a reason for all of it. Maybe its so that I would get on my face before him and make my relationship with him real again, maybe its so that we would grow close as a family and learn to place it ALL in the hands of God. I dont know, but I DO KNOW the God that I am doing this for is worth all of it and deserves even more than I could even begin to offer to him.
I know that God is going to do some incredible things through this fast, I hope to blog each day for the next 40 days about this fast that God is leading me through. Here is a basic lowdown of what God has called me to do in this fast. It may be different for everyone, and because of my health issues, I have modified it a little, but its not about legalism and rules, its about what I personally am giving up to focus more on God.
I can eat:
All Fruits-Canned or Fresh(only if they are in water and not syrup)
All Vegetables-Canned or Fresh
Broths-Chicken, Beef, or Vegetable
Nuts-any kind of nuts
Dairy-because of my thyroid, I cannot completely give up dairy, or I would loose the calcium my bones and muscles need to function, so I am allowed 2 servings of dairy products a day.
Dairy products allowed are:
Cottage Cheese
Milk-white only-2%
Yogurt
Eggs-I can have 2 eggs a day for protein
Spices-I can use most spices to add flavor to dish
Whole Grains-pastas, whole wheat bread, whole wheat pancakes, wheat flour
Beverages-Fruit or Vegetable Juices, Water, 2 glasses of milk(max) in one day, Herbal Teas, Coffee (decaf only)
Sweet Treat Allowed: Lemon Drops-in case of sore throat or need for sugar.
Foods I CANT have:
Chocolate or any kind of candy or sweets
White Bread, Flour, Pastas
Meat
Processed Foods
Cheese-other than the cottage cheese I am allowed to have for my calcium each day.
Caffine
Sugar, besides the natural sugars in fruits and veggies and whole grains
Pop
This is a pretty basic view of the things that I am not able to eat for the next 40 days and the things I AM able to eat. I think it is going to be a great time with my savior and I also believe it is going to help me physically.
I will try to blog again tomorrow. about how the fast is going. Have a great day and be blessed by God in ALL you do!!!
Becky
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Whats The Story Morning Glory?
In the past few weeks I have been just flooded in my mind with the thoughts of stories. Stories in the Bible, Stories of my family and friends, stories, you here them everyday, in fact, each of us lives one everyday. It hasnt been until recently that I have really taken the time to think about what my story is, the one that I am living right now. What do people think when they here the name, "Becky Canny"? What is my story?
But more than that, I have been thinking about other peoples stories. My family, my friends, my youth kids, the people in the community around me. Mainly the thoughts that have consumed me are my story and my parents story. I have been trying to figure out why it is that my moms part of the story right now has to be with her in a nursing home instead of enjoying life. Or why my dads part of the story is living apart from his wife right now. My parents love story is a great one, they both met later on in life. My mom was in her late 30s and my dad in his early 40s. They got married a few short months after they met and knew God had led them together. They had me 9 months after their wedding. Now, yes that was quick, but for a couple who never thought theyd meet anyone, and then thought theyd just met to late to have children, you can imagine the joy of a child. And then 2 years later, the joy of another little one! At age 40, my mom had my baby brother, Bryan Edward. Our family was complete, Edward Patrick, Brenda Joyce, Rebecca Dawn, and Bryan Edward. My parents have had their fights, but they have always cared for and loved one another VERY DEEPLY. They finally have a chance to be just Ed and Brenda, now that Bryan and I have both found the places God has called us and we are out of the home. and they dont get to spend this time together.
Now, I could get very angry, but I know God has a reason for it all. He is writing a story I couldnt even begin to imagine. I have been so worried and scared about my parents lately, being away from them is a new experience in my life. We have always been close, but we have always literally lived close to one another, letting go of them has been tough. Trusting and knowing that God is going to care for them, its been tough for me. I have been wrestling with God alot. I am learning to know him more, who he is and who he is to me.
If I am honest with you, Im not the optimist everyone thinks I am when they see me and spend time with me. In fact, I spend much of my life riddled with anxiety and worry about the next bad thing that is going to happen. I just prepare myself for it. I try to write the stories in my mind and figure them out, so that when the bad things happen I will be ready for them and able to accept them. Its not a fun perspective to live from at all and I am vowing to try and stop it! I have no joy or hope in this God I say I serve when I live my life in this way.
I have no idea what the story is that God is writing, not for me, not for my mom, not for my dad, but I am excited as I see that he has some great things in story. Many of the Bible stories I read, I have heard them for so long in my life, that I fail to realize 2 things. First of all, these are REAL people, these are not just stories, these people actually experienced these things. Second, they had no idea the end to their story either. They lived the life of faith God is calling us to. Joseph had no idea that after being thrown in a well and being betrayed by his brothers, and then thrown into Pharohs prison that God was doing INCREDIBLE things and that he was going to live a life he never could have planned for himself. Zaccheus had no idea that by trying to just see Jesus, he would get to experience him in ways he never dreamed of. And there are many more stories. These people had no idea what God was doing, but they chose to follow him and gave them greater blessing than they could have ever imagined.
I am going to get to that point myself. I know God is writing a great story and rather than wrestle with him over the pen, I am going to hand it over to him. He can write a much better one that I could. And hey, I bet I will enjoy some of it too :)
But more than that, I have been thinking about other peoples stories. My family, my friends, my youth kids, the people in the community around me. Mainly the thoughts that have consumed me are my story and my parents story. I have been trying to figure out why it is that my moms part of the story right now has to be with her in a nursing home instead of enjoying life. Or why my dads part of the story is living apart from his wife right now. My parents love story is a great one, they both met later on in life. My mom was in her late 30s and my dad in his early 40s. They got married a few short months after they met and knew God had led them together. They had me 9 months after their wedding. Now, yes that was quick, but for a couple who never thought theyd meet anyone, and then thought theyd just met to late to have children, you can imagine the joy of a child. And then 2 years later, the joy of another little one! At age 40, my mom had my baby brother, Bryan Edward. Our family was complete, Edward Patrick, Brenda Joyce, Rebecca Dawn, and Bryan Edward. My parents have had their fights, but they have always cared for and loved one another VERY DEEPLY. They finally have a chance to be just Ed and Brenda, now that Bryan and I have both found the places God has called us and we are out of the home. and they dont get to spend this time together.
Now, I could get very angry, but I know God has a reason for it all. He is writing a story I couldnt even begin to imagine. I have been so worried and scared about my parents lately, being away from them is a new experience in my life. We have always been close, but we have always literally lived close to one another, letting go of them has been tough. Trusting and knowing that God is going to care for them, its been tough for me. I have been wrestling with God alot. I am learning to know him more, who he is and who he is to me.
If I am honest with you, Im not the optimist everyone thinks I am when they see me and spend time with me. In fact, I spend much of my life riddled with anxiety and worry about the next bad thing that is going to happen. I just prepare myself for it. I try to write the stories in my mind and figure them out, so that when the bad things happen I will be ready for them and able to accept them. Its not a fun perspective to live from at all and I am vowing to try and stop it! I have no joy or hope in this God I say I serve when I live my life in this way.
I have no idea what the story is that God is writing, not for me, not for my mom, not for my dad, but I am excited as I see that he has some great things in story. Many of the Bible stories I read, I have heard them for so long in my life, that I fail to realize 2 things. First of all, these are REAL people, these are not just stories, these people actually experienced these things. Second, they had no idea the end to their story either. They lived the life of faith God is calling us to. Joseph had no idea that after being thrown in a well and being betrayed by his brothers, and then thrown into Pharohs prison that God was doing INCREDIBLE things and that he was going to live a life he never could have planned for himself. Zaccheus had no idea that by trying to just see Jesus, he would get to experience him in ways he never dreamed of. And there are many more stories. These people had no idea what God was doing, but they chose to follow him and gave them greater blessing than they could have ever imagined.
I am going to get to that point myself. I know God is writing a great story and rather than wrestle with him over the pen, I am going to hand it over to him. He can write a much better one that I could. And hey, I bet I will enjoy some of it too :)
Monday, November 8, 2010
When Will it Be My Turn?
I know I go through some of the same emotions over and over again in life. I might be okay for a while and then they flood in again. This has been one of those days for me. I LOVE living in Sumner, I love my friends here, I love the church, I know Im where God wants me to be...BUT... as much as those things are true, I also, get very lonely in my little apartment at night and wish, no LONG for the day that I wont have to live alone anymore. I know God is all I need and I have been very reliant on him, but seriously, can I just meet the man of my dreams now? So I can quit writing blogs about how I long for that day?
I mean, come on :) I have some great friends, both here and in other parts of the world. But 98% of my friends are in very loving relationships. Of those 98%, over half are in loving marriages. And of the 98% of my friends who are in loving relationships and married, probably at least 60 % of them have beautiful children. Right now, I have at least 8 friends who are expecting. AND I AM HAPPY FOR THEM! I learn from these people everyday of my life. I watch their marriages and learn how to fuction well in the one I hope to have in the future. I watch them parent, and sometimes I get to babysit and I learn lessons from this on how to one day be a good mom. But I long for it.
To be honest, 2010 has been one of the HARDEST, no THE HARDEST year of my life. My mom has been sick and in and out of hospitals, my brother got married and is going to be moving to Bolivia, and I have had to learn to adjust to these things. In the midst of all of this change, God called me out of the place I had known all my life, the place I was comfortable, the place that I had friends and family I could lean on, and he led me to Sumner, Iowa to be in full time ministry. Now as I said, I LOVE IT HERE. I have some great friends here already and IM SO THANKFUL for that. I have some great kids here and God is doing some INCREDIBLE things!!
BUT Im tired. Im tired of the bad news. Im tired of feeling alone. Im tired of feeling like I have failed. Im tired. And in this, I am learning that I have to let God give me strength. I have to learn that he has a reason and a plan for all of this. And he doesnt have to explain any of it to me. I just have to know that its part of my story and in the end, amazing things are going to happen. I love my God. And I am trying to get to know him more. I said this year has been one of the HARDEST of my life, it has also been one of the most rewarding. I have grown closer to God than EVER before. I am being used by God in incredible ways. Im very thankful. So while I ask when will it be my turn, I know its in Gods way.
I want so badly to meet the man of my dreams, fall in love and get married. I want to have children and start a family. But more than any of that, I want to serve God, however he asks me to. So it is my turn. Its my turn to be used by God in this way. If I continue to just sit and wish I had other peoples lives, I am going to miss out on the great one that God has set right here before me to live.
Its my turn now, Its my turn to give my life away.
I mean, come on :) I have some great friends, both here and in other parts of the world. But 98% of my friends are in very loving relationships. Of those 98%, over half are in loving marriages. And of the 98% of my friends who are in loving relationships and married, probably at least 60 % of them have beautiful children. Right now, I have at least 8 friends who are expecting. AND I AM HAPPY FOR THEM! I learn from these people everyday of my life. I watch their marriages and learn how to fuction well in the one I hope to have in the future. I watch them parent, and sometimes I get to babysit and I learn lessons from this on how to one day be a good mom. But I long for it.
To be honest, 2010 has been one of the HARDEST, no THE HARDEST year of my life. My mom has been sick and in and out of hospitals, my brother got married and is going to be moving to Bolivia, and I have had to learn to adjust to these things. In the midst of all of this change, God called me out of the place I had known all my life, the place I was comfortable, the place that I had friends and family I could lean on, and he led me to Sumner, Iowa to be in full time ministry. Now as I said, I LOVE IT HERE. I have some great friends here already and IM SO THANKFUL for that. I have some great kids here and God is doing some INCREDIBLE things!!
BUT Im tired. Im tired of the bad news. Im tired of feeling alone. Im tired of feeling like I have failed. Im tired. And in this, I am learning that I have to let God give me strength. I have to learn that he has a reason and a plan for all of this. And he doesnt have to explain any of it to me. I just have to know that its part of my story and in the end, amazing things are going to happen. I love my God. And I am trying to get to know him more. I said this year has been one of the HARDEST of my life, it has also been one of the most rewarding. I have grown closer to God than EVER before. I am being used by God in incredible ways. Im very thankful. So while I ask when will it be my turn, I know its in Gods way.
I want so badly to meet the man of my dreams, fall in love and get married. I want to have children and start a family. But more than any of that, I want to serve God, however he asks me to. So it is my turn. Its my turn to be used by God in this way. If I continue to just sit and wish I had other peoples lives, I am going to miss out on the great one that God has set right here before me to live.
Its my turn now, Its my turn to give my life away.
Belay Ready....Climb Away
This weekend I took the kids on our first of many retreats together. As their new youth pastor, I have loved getting to know them, but am still trying to figure them out and find out who they really are. What makes them tick? What do they like? What do they hate? On Friday night, we had a great night together. We played games, we roasted hot dogs, made smores, sang worship songs, and had devotions together. We went back to our respective dorms, and I have no idea what the guys did for the rest of the night, but us girls had fun. We laughed and joked around for a while and then it was time to go to sleep. Now, for those of you who dont know me, most of the time, Im a pretty big softy, I dont like to make people sad or hurt their feelings, so its VERY HARD for me to discipline, however, I have learned, that I can and HAVE TO do it sometimes. And when its midnight and this little red head needs some sleep for the busy day ahead, she can be very true to her hair color :) I only had to "speak firmly" to the girls once about allowing those who wanted to, to get some sleep. They all decided it was time for bed and the giggles and loudness gave way to the peaceful silence :)
The next day, because we were all well rested, morning was not that difficult to awake to. We were headed to the ropes course. The kids would do a zipline, climb a wall with team work, a leap of faith, and climb a rock wall. This is where the real fun was and where I learned tons of lessons. Both about the kids and applications to take with me in life.
This is where we used the term, "Belay Ready"...""Climb Away". I was so proud of the kids too. I wanted to tell you a couple of stories about them and what I learned from this weekend. First of all, I had a curiosity. I wanted to what this "Belay" word meant. What was it all about. So I asked one of the workers. He told us that "Belay" meant, 'Lifeline', it was from the French language. Now, Im kind of a skeptic at times, so I did my research to make sure he was right on his facts, before I placed them on my blog :) And sure enough, one of the meanings is 'lifeline', there are other meanings too, but I will allow you to look those up on your own. The meaning I wanted to discuss was 'lifeline'. I am the type of person that if I can, I will use annalogies or stories from life to help me and other understand the walk with God more. So of course, I began to think about this in our walk with Christ, God being the ultimate lifeline to us. But also, how at times, I have been called to be that lifeline to someone else and allow God to use me as such. And finally, to admit that there are times where I need a lifeline too, and God has been there but has also used others to be there as my lifeline as well. So when the kids were going to climb up to do something, they had a "contract", they were connected to the "Belay", they would say "belay ready" to which they would reply, "belay ready", they woulds say "climbing" and the "belay" would say, "climb away". This person was connected to whoever was climbing with another rope, it was up to them to anchor the person climbing. It was all a very safe procedure, but scary none the less. You have to trust someone you dont know very well to hold you while you jump and trust that the rope is going to hold you securely. And for all of the kids, of course, IT DID!
Cody is one of our middle schoolers. He is 11 years old, in 6th grade, going to be 12 in December. I had known him and his family before moving to Sumner, but I am still very much getting to know who Cody is. At the retreat, I got to know Cody more. I learned that he loves to sing, he loves to talk, and he has alot of energy :) I also learned, that, even though he is scared, Cody is going to try something, hed rather fail trying than to just not try at all. This is a trait that I am still trying to develop. You see, if I know Im not good at something or think I wont be, Id rather just not try, to save myself the embarassment of failure. But this is not the way God has called us to live at all.
So Cody got a little scared while doing the zipline, but he made it to the top of the pole and had a great time swinging down to the other side. But the "Leap of Faith", well that would make anyonen scared I think. It is this very high telephone pole, complete with holds for you to climb on, when you get to the top, you must stand straight up and then jump, the object is to grab this trapeze bar that is set out in front of you. Cody climbed the pole, he got up to almost the top and then got scared, he froze, and he felt like he couldnt go anymore, so everyone else stopped what they were doing and they began to cheer for him. "Come on Cody, we know you can do it", it was so sweet to see them all cheering for each other. Cody made it to the top, but he couldnt stand up, I was so proud of him for getting that far. So he looked down at me and I was giving him instructions, "Just scoot yourself forward, you will begin to fall off or jump and the rope will catch you." he said " Okay, Becky, so I just scoot forward and it will all be over?" he kept scooting an inch at a time, and then he jumped, right off the pole and HE WAS SAFE! It was scary, and uncomfortable, but he did it! I was so so proud of him. And I gave him a big hug when he got down there.
Then there was George. Now George is a foreign exchange student, he is 15 and he is from the country of Georgia. I have gotten to to know him fairly well and have learned that there is not much he is afraid of. He likes to work out everyday and he is going to be in wrestling. So for him, I thought this was a piece of cake. I figured he wouldnt be scared at all. And climbing this pole, he wasnt scared, he did a very great job, but then it came time to stand up when he was very high off of the ground, he did it, I saw his face change color a little, but he did it :) And then it was time to jump, he jumped and he actually grabbed the bar! The only one of our youth that did! But then came the funny part. George had the bar, he had taken the risk, all he had to do now was let go, but he knew that when he did, the harness would tighten and it was going to hurt, he just kept swinging there and holding on, not wanting to feel the pain from that harness. Hed start to let go and then grab it again, finally, he let go, and it hurt for a minute, but he was fine and it was the only way down.
I could share stories with you all day, but these are the 2 I wanted to share for right now. Im so proud of all of the kids that went this weekend and took risks and did things that they thought they couldnt do. Its so much like our walk with God and if they can see these things in a tangible way, I think its easier for them to understand and make the application to their lives and relationships with Christ.
For me, I identify with both of these stories in some ways. You see, God has called me into some very scary places, and I didnt think I could go, I didnt think I could do it at all. Much like Cody, I got to the top of the pole in my life and I froze, but, God put people in my life to cheer me on and help me the rest of the way. They were not always the people I thought they would be, but God put them there and they cheered me on and they helped me jump off that pole and when I got down, they were there to hold me and care for me. Im so thankful for that.
There are other times in life. where I have been like George, I took the risk, I took all the steps, I did what God wanted me to do, and while I was so excited and there was great reward, I knew that there would be some pain involved in letting go as well. Weather it was letting go of things in my past, so I could have the reward of the things ahead. Or weather it was realizing that there are times in the journey where we will be alone in taking the risk and there will be some pain involved, but to get where God wants us, the pain is part of the process.
Both of these stories illustrate places we have been at in our walks with God I am sure. But the difference is, our reward is much greater than a simple accomplishment on a ropes course. At the end of our journey, at the end of our risk taking, we get to jump into the amazing unknown. We have no idea how awesome or amazing Heaven is going to be. Its like something we cant even imagine or grasp right now, but its a hope that we have to hold on to. That if we continue to take the risks and allow God to mold us into the people he wants us to be, we have some great rewards to look forward to!
SO CLIMB AWAY!! (Cheesy, I know :) )
The next day, because we were all well rested, morning was not that difficult to awake to. We were headed to the ropes course. The kids would do a zipline, climb a wall with team work, a leap of faith, and climb a rock wall. This is where the real fun was and where I learned tons of lessons. Both about the kids and applications to take with me in life.
This is where we used the term, "Belay Ready"...""Climb Away". I was so proud of the kids too. I wanted to tell you a couple of stories about them and what I learned from this weekend. First of all, I had a curiosity. I wanted to what this "Belay" word meant. What was it all about. So I asked one of the workers. He told us that "Belay" meant, 'Lifeline', it was from the French language. Now, Im kind of a skeptic at times, so I did my research to make sure he was right on his facts, before I placed them on my blog :) And sure enough, one of the meanings is 'lifeline', there are other meanings too, but I will allow you to look those up on your own. The meaning I wanted to discuss was 'lifeline'. I am the type of person that if I can, I will use annalogies or stories from life to help me and other understand the walk with God more. So of course, I began to think about this in our walk with Christ, God being the ultimate lifeline to us. But also, how at times, I have been called to be that lifeline to someone else and allow God to use me as such. And finally, to admit that there are times where I need a lifeline too, and God has been there but has also used others to be there as my lifeline as well. So when the kids were going to climb up to do something, they had a "contract", they were connected to the "Belay", they would say "belay ready" to which they would reply, "belay ready", they woulds say "climbing" and the "belay" would say, "climb away". This person was connected to whoever was climbing with another rope, it was up to them to anchor the person climbing. It was all a very safe procedure, but scary none the less. You have to trust someone you dont know very well to hold you while you jump and trust that the rope is going to hold you securely. And for all of the kids, of course, IT DID!
Cody is one of our middle schoolers. He is 11 years old, in 6th grade, going to be 12 in December. I had known him and his family before moving to Sumner, but I am still very much getting to know who Cody is. At the retreat, I got to know Cody more. I learned that he loves to sing, he loves to talk, and he has alot of energy :) I also learned, that, even though he is scared, Cody is going to try something, hed rather fail trying than to just not try at all. This is a trait that I am still trying to develop. You see, if I know Im not good at something or think I wont be, Id rather just not try, to save myself the embarassment of failure. But this is not the way God has called us to live at all.
So Cody got a little scared while doing the zipline, but he made it to the top of the pole and had a great time swinging down to the other side. But the "Leap of Faith", well that would make anyonen scared I think. It is this very high telephone pole, complete with holds for you to climb on, when you get to the top, you must stand straight up and then jump, the object is to grab this trapeze bar that is set out in front of you. Cody climbed the pole, he got up to almost the top and then got scared, he froze, and he felt like he couldnt go anymore, so everyone else stopped what they were doing and they began to cheer for him. "Come on Cody, we know you can do it", it was so sweet to see them all cheering for each other. Cody made it to the top, but he couldnt stand up, I was so proud of him for getting that far. So he looked down at me and I was giving him instructions, "Just scoot yourself forward, you will begin to fall off or jump and the rope will catch you." he said " Okay, Becky, so I just scoot forward and it will all be over?" he kept scooting an inch at a time, and then he jumped, right off the pole and HE WAS SAFE! It was scary, and uncomfortable, but he did it! I was so so proud of him. And I gave him a big hug when he got down there.
Then there was George. Now George is a foreign exchange student, he is 15 and he is from the country of Georgia. I have gotten to to know him fairly well and have learned that there is not much he is afraid of. He likes to work out everyday and he is going to be in wrestling. So for him, I thought this was a piece of cake. I figured he wouldnt be scared at all. And climbing this pole, he wasnt scared, he did a very great job, but then it came time to stand up when he was very high off of the ground, he did it, I saw his face change color a little, but he did it :) And then it was time to jump, he jumped and he actually grabbed the bar! The only one of our youth that did! But then came the funny part. George had the bar, he had taken the risk, all he had to do now was let go, but he knew that when he did, the harness would tighten and it was going to hurt, he just kept swinging there and holding on, not wanting to feel the pain from that harness. Hed start to let go and then grab it again, finally, he let go, and it hurt for a minute, but he was fine and it was the only way down.
I could share stories with you all day, but these are the 2 I wanted to share for right now. Im so proud of all of the kids that went this weekend and took risks and did things that they thought they couldnt do. Its so much like our walk with God and if they can see these things in a tangible way, I think its easier for them to understand and make the application to their lives and relationships with Christ.
For me, I identify with both of these stories in some ways. You see, God has called me into some very scary places, and I didnt think I could go, I didnt think I could do it at all. Much like Cody, I got to the top of the pole in my life and I froze, but, God put people in my life to cheer me on and help me the rest of the way. They were not always the people I thought they would be, but God put them there and they cheered me on and they helped me jump off that pole and when I got down, they were there to hold me and care for me. Im so thankful for that.
There are other times in life. where I have been like George, I took the risk, I took all the steps, I did what God wanted me to do, and while I was so excited and there was great reward, I knew that there would be some pain involved in letting go as well. Weather it was letting go of things in my past, so I could have the reward of the things ahead. Or weather it was realizing that there are times in the journey where we will be alone in taking the risk and there will be some pain involved, but to get where God wants us, the pain is part of the process.
Both of these stories illustrate places we have been at in our walks with God I am sure. But the difference is, our reward is much greater than a simple accomplishment on a ropes course. At the end of our journey, at the end of our risk taking, we get to jump into the amazing unknown. We have no idea how awesome or amazing Heaven is going to be. Its like something we cant even imagine or grasp right now, but its a hope that we have to hold on to. That if we continue to take the risks and allow God to mold us into the people he wants us to be, we have some great rewards to look forward to!
SO CLIMB AWAY!! (Cheesy, I know :) )
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Bump, Set, Spike, or is it Blue, 22, Set, Hike?
Sports.....now for those of you who know me at all, I am not the athletic type. I guess you could say that I have never really enjoyed sports. It could have something to do with my lazy eye and the fact that I have pretty much non existant hand-eye coordination, it could be that I am not good at running, because my legs are so short, or those could just be excuses for the fact that I just plain dont enjoy playing sports :)
When I was in high school, I loved being in all of the music and drama classes and organizations that I could. I may have never won a medal in track or recieved the honor of being an MVP in a sports game, but I was voted the "best singer" in my class. I was voted the "outstanding singer" in choir, I was section leader in both chorus and show choir, and I was voted the "best actress in a supporting role" for a play I was in. Yes, these are just a few of the honors that I carried with me, but you see, those things were so great and important to me and I didnt understand what was so great about sports, but to those people who play sports, the honors they recieved and the fun they had playing the sport were just as great.
This week I have been driving around this new little town of Sumner, which by the way takes much less time than when I lived in Oskaloosa :) But I have been seeing all of these signs. You see, let me back up for a minute. Since moving here, I have been to 5 volleyball games, 4 football games, and this is only my 3rd week here! I have learned one lesson from all of this, SPORTS ARE A BIG DEAL HERE IN SUMNER! I have seen all of these signs around town for support of the teams and its more than I have ever seen before. Did I mention that only 2 of these 9 games I have attended have been in town? Yes, thats the real lesson, this entire town follows the teams to all of their away games. Yesterday, we drove 1 and 1/2 hours each way to see the Volleyball girls play for state. The night before, we drove about 45 minutes to see the boys play in the playoffs for football. There was a sign that read, " Last one out of town turn out the lights" last year when the boys basketball team went to state. And its true, when we were leaving town, I noticed that there were many cars behind us, literally, almost all of the town was in a caravan to see these games being played.
Now I will be honest with you, I have loved watching my youth play in these games. My girls have been amazing in their volleyball games. And the guys have done just as well in football. So dont think for a minute that I am complaining about going to these events, that is not the point of this blog at all. But, as I was sitting last night during the 4th of 5 volleyball games that were played, I started to really begin to think. I got completely distracted from the game for a few minutes as my thoughts were consumed by this. You see, sports are a very huge deal here. It builds a unity with the people of the town as well as the teams that we are watching. And I think thats great, but why isnt the church more like that?
I started thinking, to drive the distance to these games, many people had to get off work early so they could get there on time. When the teams win, school gets cancelled so everyone can support them as they play. In fact, we had a meeting scheduled here at church and as i am the secretary as well as the youth pastor, I had to change the calendar twice to accomodate a sporting event, because people would not come to the church event if there was also a sporting event at the same time.
Now I am not trying to step on any toes here at all. As I said, I have enjoyed these sporting events as much as everyone else has, however, it really got me thinking. Why is it that sports are becoming more important to us than the growth of our church? When was the last time that someone took of work early or took a vacation day to be at a church event? When was the last time that people got so excited for God that they invited the whole town to be a part of sharing in him together? Again, this is not a slam on anyone, It was just something I was thinking about. But I think its true. For myself as well as others. We have trouble asking for a week off in the summer for church camp, or taking a day off so we can go to a youth event that will help us grow in our faith. Its not hard for us to miss a church event because we are sick or have a headache, but we will do everything we can to make it to a sporting event, no matter how sick we feel.
I did the same thing in high school. I would rather be at show choir practice puking my guts out than to stay home and miss doing what I loved. I would rather be running lines at play practice with a headache the size of Montana than stay home and rest. And if it meant that I had to miss show choir or a play practice or anything of those things that were important to me, I just refused. I missed many church events because these things were more important to me. Looking back now, I dont understand why. There is not really a demand or need for girls who have 4 years of experience in show choir.
I guess what I am trying to say in all this, is that I am learning what a chance we have to make a difference for Christ in the lives of those around us. If we would choose to take a little more time for him. If he was as important to us as sports, what am impact we could have for him. If we had the same sense of unity in the body of Christ as I have seen at these games, we would be doing AMAZING things for him!
I am not trying to hurt anyones feelings or say that sports are not important, not at all. I love the sense of unity at these sporting events. I love how supportive we all are of one another in these events. I just wonder what it would be like, if we let that sense of unity flow over into the church? If we let that sense of loyalty to practice and games spread into bible studies, small groups, church services, just plain doing things to bring us closer to God, I just get excited thinking about what could happen and how much of an impact we could have for Christ.
I have been challenged, and I hope that is what this blog is to you who are reading it. A simple challenge to look at where the focus of your life is, what is important to you. And how you could be doing better. I know I am going to try!
When I was in high school, I loved being in all of the music and drama classes and organizations that I could. I may have never won a medal in track or recieved the honor of being an MVP in a sports game, but I was voted the "best singer" in my class. I was voted the "outstanding singer" in choir, I was section leader in both chorus and show choir, and I was voted the "best actress in a supporting role" for a play I was in. Yes, these are just a few of the honors that I carried with me, but you see, those things were so great and important to me and I didnt understand what was so great about sports, but to those people who play sports, the honors they recieved and the fun they had playing the sport were just as great.
This week I have been driving around this new little town of Sumner, which by the way takes much less time than when I lived in Oskaloosa :) But I have been seeing all of these signs. You see, let me back up for a minute. Since moving here, I have been to 5 volleyball games, 4 football games, and this is only my 3rd week here! I have learned one lesson from all of this, SPORTS ARE A BIG DEAL HERE IN SUMNER! I have seen all of these signs around town for support of the teams and its more than I have ever seen before. Did I mention that only 2 of these 9 games I have attended have been in town? Yes, thats the real lesson, this entire town follows the teams to all of their away games. Yesterday, we drove 1 and 1/2 hours each way to see the Volleyball girls play for state. The night before, we drove about 45 minutes to see the boys play in the playoffs for football. There was a sign that read, " Last one out of town turn out the lights" last year when the boys basketball team went to state. And its true, when we were leaving town, I noticed that there were many cars behind us, literally, almost all of the town was in a caravan to see these games being played.
Now I will be honest with you, I have loved watching my youth play in these games. My girls have been amazing in their volleyball games. And the guys have done just as well in football. So dont think for a minute that I am complaining about going to these events, that is not the point of this blog at all. But, as I was sitting last night during the 4th of 5 volleyball games that were played, I started to really begin to think. I got completely distracted from the game for a few minutes as my thoughts were consumed by this. You see, sports are a very huge deal here. It builds a unity with the people of the town as well as the teams that we are watching. And I think thats great, but why isnt the church more like that?
I started thinking, to drive the distance to these games, many people had to get off work early so they could get there on time. When the teams win, school gets cancelled so everyone can support them as they play. In fact, we had a meeting scheduled here at church and as i am the secretary as well as the youth pastor, I had to change the calendar twice to accomodate a sporting event, because people would not come to the church event if there was also a sporting event at the same time.
Now I am not trying to step on any toes here at all. As I said, I have enjoyed these sporting events as much as everyone else has, however, it really got me thinking. Why is it that sports are becoming more important to us than the growth of our church? When was the last time that someone took of work early or took a vacation day to be at a church event? When was the last time that people got so excited for God that they invited the whole town to be a part of sharing in him together? Again, this is not a slam on anyone, It was just something I was thinking about. But I think its true. For myself as well as others. We have trouble asking for a week off in the summer for church camp, or taking a day off so we can go to a youth event that will help us grow in our faith. Its not hard for us to miss a church event because we are sick or have a headache, but we will do everything we can to make it to a sporting event, no matter how sick we feel.
I did the same thing in high school. I would rather be at show choir practice puking my guts out than to stay home and miss doing what I loved. I would rather be running lines at play practice with a headache the size of Montana than stay home and rest. And if it meant that I had to miss show choir or a play practice or anything of those things that were important to me, I just refused. I missed many church events because these things were more important to me. Looking back now, I dont understand why. There is not really a demand or need for girls who have 4 years of experience in show choir.
I guess what I am trying to say in all this, is that I am learning what a chance we have to make a difference for Christ in the lives of those around us. If we would choose to take a little more time for him. If he was as important to us as sports, what am impact we could have for him. If we had the same sense of unity in the body of Christ as I have seen at these games, we would be doing AMAZING things for him!
I am not trying to hurt anyones feelings or say that sports are not important, not at all. I love the sense of unity at these sporting events. I love how supportive we all are of one another in these events. I just wonder what it would be like, if we let that sense of unity flow over into the church? If we let that sense of loyalty to practice and games spread into bible studies, small groups, church services, just plain doing things to bring us closer to God, I just get excited thinking about what could happen and how much of an impact we could have for Christ.
I have been challenged, and I hope that is what this blog is to you who are reading it. A simple challenge to look at where the focus of your life is, what is important to you. And how you could be doing better. I know I am going to try!
Monday, November 1, 2010
This is the Great Adventure!
Let the Adventure Begin
Well, it has been almost a year since I last wrote on this blog, and WHAT A YEAR it has been! I will now be posting at least weekly, and hopefully more frequently than that. I should start this post by sharing with you the new adventure I am on and the things that I have gone through this year to bring me to this place.
well to recap for you, this year, my brother got married, and he and his wife are in the process of moving to Bolvia. My mother has been in and out of the hospital 3 times since January with Major Depressive Disorder, and is not in rehab at a nursing home. and in the midst of all of this, I was offered my first full time youth pastor position, at a church in Sumner, Iowa. This is the very shortened version of all that has happened over the past year, and I should have been blogging about it all the while, but sadly, I didnt find the time :)
So now, I am working in Sumner, Iowa! I am now a full time youth pastor and I LOVE IT!!! This has been my dream for many years, and more than that, the calling God has placed on my life. He has brought my family through many trials this past year, which makes the mountains we are beginning to see even more beautiful. We are still at the bottom of the mountains looking up in some of these situations, but we are at least see the light at the top!
I have been learning many things since I got here and God has been revealing himself to me in such incredible ways! I cant wait to share some of those things with you as he continues to grow and bless me.
I look forward to the journey and to sharing it with you!
Well, it has been almost a year since I last wrote on this blog, and WHAT A YEAR it has been! I will now be posting at least weekly, and hopefully more frequently than that. I should start this post by sharing with you the new adventure I am on and the things that I have gone through this year to bring me to this place.
well to recap for you, this year, my brother got married, and he and his wife are in the process of moving to Bolvia. My mother has been in and out of the hospital 3 times since January with Major Depressive Disorder, and is not in rehab at a nursing home. and in the midst of all of this, I was offered my first full time youth pastor position, at a church in Sumner, Iowa. This is the very shortened version of all that has happened over the past year, and I should have been blogging about it all the while, but sadly, I didnt find the time :)
So now, I am working in Sumner, Iowa! I am now a full time youth pastor and I LOVE IT!!! This has been my dream for many years, and more than that, the calling God has placed on my life. He has brought my family through many trials this past year, which makes the mountains we are beginning to see even more beautiful. We are still at the bottom of the mountains looking up in some of these situations, but we are at least see the light at the top!
I have been learning many things since I got here and God has been revealing himself to me in such incredible ways! I cant wait to share some of those things with you as he continues to grow and bless me.
I look forward to the journey and to sharing it with you!
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