When Will it Be My Turn?

I know I go through some of the same emotions over and over again in life. I might be okay for a while and then they flood in again. This has been one of those days for me. I LOVE living in Sumner, I love my friends here, I love the church, I know Im where God wants me to be...BUT... as much as those things are true, I also, get very lonely in my little apartment at night and wish, no LONG for the day that I wont have to live alone anymore. I know God is all I need and I have been very reliant on him, but seriously, can I just meet the man of my dreams now? So I can quit writing blogs about how I long for that day?

I mean, come on :) I have some great friends, both here and in other parts of the world. But 98% of my friends are in very loving relationships. Of those 98%, over half are in loving marriages. And of the 98% of my friends who are in loving relationships and married, probably at least 60 % of them have beautiful children. Right now, I have at least 8 friends who are expecting. AND I AM HAPPY FOR THEM! I learn from these people everyday of my life. I watch their marriages and learn how to fuction well in the one I hope to have in the future. I watch them parent, and sometimes I get to babysit and I learn lessons from this on how to one day be a good mom. But I long for it.

To be honest, 2010 has been one of the HARDEST, no THE HARDEST year of my life. My mom has been sick and in and out of hospitals, my brother got married and is going to be moving to Bolivia, and I have had to learn to adjust to these things. In the midst of all of this change, God called me out of the place I had known all my life, the place I was comfortable, the place that I had friends and family I could lean on, and he led me to Sumner, Iowa to be in full time ministry. Now as I said, I LOVE IT HERE. I have some great friends here already and IM SO THANKFUL for that. I have some great kids here and God is doing some INCREDIBLE things!!

BUT Im tired. Im tired of the bad news. Im tired of feeling alone. Im tired of feeling like I have failed. Im tired. And in this, I am learning that I have to let God give me strength. I have to learn that he has a reason and a plan for all of this. And he doesnt have to explain any of it to me. I just have to know that its part of my story and in the end, amazing things are going to happen. I love my God. And I am trying to get to know him more. I said this year has been one of the HARDEST of my life, it has also been one of the most rewarding. I have grown closer to God than EVER before. I am being used by God in incredible ways. Im very thankful. So while I ask when will it be my turn, I know its in Gods way.

I want so badly to meet the man of my dreams, fall in love and get married. I want to have children and start a family. But more than any of that, I want to serve God, however he asks me to. So it is my turn. Its my turn to be used by God in this way. If I continue to just sit and wish I had other peoples lives, I am going to miss out on the great one that God has set right here before me to live.

Its my turn now, Its my turn to give my life away.