Its NOT about ME!!

I am going to write part 2 of the friendship blog, here in the next few days. Still something Im really thinking about and is on my heart, but I have something else that I need to share and talk about right now. Something that God has been really impressing on me the past 2 weeks. I started taking the class called, PERSPECTIVES. It is a class about Missions, actually, it is a class about who God really is and the call that he has placed on each of our lives. In this class, I have learned many things. Not just through the class though, or even the homework. Its something God has been stirring in my heart for months now.

Yesterday was my birthday, the big 2-9. My last year of my 20s! AHHHH!!! I am getting so old!!! It was fun, had lots of friends by my side. But I couldnt help but continually thinking about my mom. It was about a year ago, around the time of my birthday last year, when my mom started going through her depression. Now, as I have said before, she has dealt with it all of her life, but last year at this time, was when her most recent bout started. Just 2 weeks later she was in a horrible car accident, after trying to kill herself and was hospitalized for 7 weeks. She went through alot of physical health problems at this time along with mental health issues. Since then, it has been a roller coaster. She has had up times and down times. All I really wanted for my birthday yesterday was to get a call that she had been miracuosly healed. That she was talking and laughing again and that she was herself again. This, however, was not the case. And I will be honest and say, I was mad at God for a while yesterday. I thought, cant you even give me one good present? Cant you give me something good? Can I just have my mom back, and can I just not live alone anymore? And can I just meet the man of my dreams? And.....on and on and on. But you know what, ITS NOT ABOUT ME!! None of it is!!

While I know that God loves me and has a plan for me that I couldnt even begin to fathom, NONE of this life is about me. When he created the World and when he wrote the Bible, it was about worshipping him! ITS ABOUT HIM!! All of it. My mom will be healed in HIS ways and in HIS time, and for HIS GLORY. I will find the man of my dreams, in GODS timing, when HE is ready and when HE shows me who that man is that HE has created just for me, and I for him.

I have been reading alot more than ever lately, partly for class, partly for lesson planning, mostly, because for the first time in my life, I have a passion to devour the word of God and truly know him more, to love him more than I do. One book I have been reading is called, Crazy Love, by Francis Chan, I love it, because its like the journey that God took him on and is taking him on, is so parallel to the one that I am starting on, Im so glad that he wrote books and made videos of this time, God inspired him to do that, and I think we can all learn from that. In one of his books, he quotes A.W. Tozer, who is also a great author and theologian. Tozer says that "what you think about God, is the most important thing about you". Think about that, what I think about God, is the most important thing about me? Now why is that? I think its several things. First of all, because how I think of him and react to him, is reflected in my everyday life. The question I have been asking myself is this, do I even think enough about God?

Chan made these videos to go along with the book he wrote, and in one of them he takes a stick and he writes the name of God in the sand, he procedes to talk about God, who he really is, what he has done. Why we should be in awe of him, and then he says, but who is he to you? Or is he just a name in the sand? And I have been thinking about that all day. Because not for one second do I just want God to be a name in the sand to me. But, has he become that in my life? Have I known him for so long, that he is just another person in my life, just another name. Am I even in awe of him and his greatness. Or do I just expect him to be there in my life, and get angry when hes not, or offer a 30 second praise when he does something I like? I have to say, that until recently, he has been just that to me, just a name in the sand. I have heard the stories of Jesus so many times, I dont even listen to them anymore. I have sung so many songs about him and his power, I dont even know if I believe it anymore. I have prayed so many prayers, and I dont even know if I expect them to come true anymore. WHO IS GOD TO ME! And why have I made it all about ME for so long?

I want to know him more, I want to love him more, I vow that from this point on, God is and will always be much more than a name in the sand to me!!! HOw about you?

Love

Becky