New Years Eve...NOT the movie this time :)

I think that every year I write a blog about New Years Eve, almost like a tradition or something. I think I write a blog on Valentines Day every year too. But here it goes...

Since I was a little girl, Christmas has always been one of my favorite times of year. I loved decorating the house with my mom, I loved going shopping with my mom, I dont even mean just for presents, but I mean going to get all the groceries and things needed to make the holidays special. We always drove around our neighborhood looking at lights, one of moms favorite things to do each year :) I loved going to houses and delivering goody plates with her that she had taken such care to make for each and every person she was delivering too. I loved how Bryan and I would wake up on Christmas morning to the presents under the tree :) We always knew that wasnt the reason for the season, but it was still a special time, Bryan had his side, all of his presents wrapped in paper mom had speically chosen and taken care to wrap each gift, his boy stocking and boy snowflake bear carefully placed in front of his mound of gifts. and my side of the tree the same, my carefully wrapped gifts, my snowflake girl bear, and my girl stocking :) Daddy and Mommys gifts always in the middle. It was always tradition that I had more presents on my side of the tree than Bryan. My mom HATED this, but here is the thing, Bryan would ask for things like guitars, amplifiers, big gifts :) and I would ask for cd's, dvd's, make up, books, the littler gifts. The Christmas season was a speical time in our house. It started at Thanksgiving, mom always made a huge meal and for breakfast her speical egg casserole, we would settle down for the Macys parade and mom would watch while running in and out of the kitchen getting our meal ready for the day. We would then go to our adopted Grandma and Grandpas place and eat with them. We had a tradition that before we ate anything we would go around the table and share what we were thankful for. I LOVED going to grandma and grandpa lindseys. Then Bryan and I would come back home and watch Home Alone.

I could go on and on about our traditions, but you see, this year, I HATED the holidays :( I know I sound like scrooge, but its true I hated it. I put up decorations here in the house to keep in the spirit, but all it did was serve as a reminder of my mother, we put all of HER decorations up. Her favorite part of Christmas, in college, my friends would joke that Christmas threw up in our house and they LOVED it and so did we!! Dad and I were alone on Thanksgiving, we watched the parade, dad even made breakfast, but it just wasnt the same. We went to see mom, but she just didnt have much happiness either. Bryan and Molly came to visit a few weeks later, a week before actual Christmas. and we had a great visit, but it sure wasnt long enough, and it still meant that on the actual Christmas Eve and Day, Daddy and I were again, alone. We went to church, we went to see mom, but it just wasnt the same. I found myself wishing the days would just be over and done with....because seeing peoples facebooks about celebrating their holidays just made me more mad and more jealous with every glance.

Now its New Years Eve and here I am, sitting alone again. My dad is here and we are trying to make it special, but its just NOT THE SAME!!! I miss my mom! I miss my brother! I just plain MISS THE WAY THINGS USED TO BE!! I know, I know, as we grow up those things change, but that just sucks. You see, if you look back up to all the traditions of Christmas, they all include my mom. and this season has just served as a reminder that she is still not here with us, at least she is still alive and we can visit her....but I still miss her!!

I guess that this year, New Years Eve is going to be a night of prayer for me. Prayer that things will be different and better in 2012! I want my mom to get her life back! I want my dad not to be so lonely! I want to find the man of my dreams. I want 2012 to be a year of joy!!!! It is also happens to be the year that I turn.....gulp....30! So I hope it is not selfish, but I am hoping for a better year.

I do want to say that I am VERY THANKFUL for the things God did this year. My mother is still in remission from her cancer!!!! Praise the Lord!!! Since moving home and into a house with my dad, his health is better than it has been in very long time!! My physical health has gotten better as well, still not quite up to par, but SO MUCH better than it was. My brother and his wife are having an amazing ministry in Bolivia. I had a good ministry in Sumner and am having a great ministry now that I have moved back to Oskaloosa as well. Although I have had many trials this year, I am thankful that through them all, God has drawn my closer to himself. I am very thankful that I serve a living God!!!

Happy New Year to you all :)

New Years Eve......

Okay, you all have known me for long enough to know that I am a hopeless romantic. If there is a cheesy romantic chick flick to be seen, I WILL be there, and I will probably ask for the DVD for Christmas or my birthday :) I, in true fashion, made NO EXCEPTION when it came to "New Years Eve", now I know, you can tell from the preview it is going to be really cheesy and filled with lots of little love stories, and since it is written in the same style as "Valentines Day", many people Im sure have already made the same vow my brother has, "I WILL NOT BE SEEING THAT MOVIE". But since when do I follow the crowd people? In fact, to be honest with you, that cheesy sappiness is what drew me right in :)

I have to be honest, when I was living alone in Sumner, I would often times go and rent those chick flicks and watch them by myself in my apartment. I guess for me, it keeps the dream alive. See, I am going to be that tough age in just a little over a month, the BIG 3-0....and it has been REALLY TOUGH for me to face it :( even though my preschoolers tell me, "it does sound VERY OLD Miss Becky, but we love you, and really you dont look that old and you are not as tall as a 30 year old either :) " Love those kids. BUT, hitting the age has made me realize what I think about every time I see one of those chick flicks, I am alone, I am 30 years old, I have NEVER been on a date in my life, I have NEVER been kissed, I have NEVER had a boyfriend, I just plain feel like a pathetic loser. There, I said it. You see the reality is, when I watch these movies I always have a good cry. I think thats good for us every now and again though. Those good crys :)

But as I said, watching these movies keeps those dreams alive for me. Tonight watching "New Years Eve" brought alot of those same things to me again. There was a woman in the movie tonight who had her "resolutions list", it was really more of a bucket list, but see she was in much the same boat as me, she was a single woman, alone, she had friends, but inside, she was dying, because she had never really made choices for herself. She had lived her life making sure everyone else was pleased and putting herself last. Dont take this as me saying Im a saint, I am FAR FROM THAT. I just realized that I have a list of those dreams too and I guess, as I hit that age of 30, I am beginning to worry that maybe I am not going to get to see any of those dreams come true. And I dont want that to happen. I have always been a dreamer, always believed that things would happen for me, but in Gods time and not mine. I dont want to loose that. Its just that as I look around and see all of my friends, dating, in relationships, engaged, married, becoming parents, it does make me jealous. I am not afraid to admit that! I am very happy for them, I just find myself asking, "what is it about me that makes me so repulsive?" "Do I really have the qualities that would make a guy want ME?" And many times I am scared of the answers. But IM TIRED OF BEING SO SCARED! IM TIRED OF NOT LIVING LIFE!!!

SO....I am going to write my list, right here. My hope is that by writing my list, some of might keep me accountable to making the things on my list happen and that you might pray with me about the things that only God can make happen, in HIS TIME. I had a conversation with one of my best friends from college a few months ago, Meggan Schwirtz. She was in a wedding, her mom asked her, "well Meggan, is this the last wedding you will be in?" and Meggan replied to her, "nope, I have one more" her mom said, "whose is that?" and Meggan replied to her, as if I already had the ring on my finger, "well Beckys, of course, she is going to make some guy very lucky!". I wish that I had the same confidence in myself that SHE has in me, but that is why she will be in my wedding, IF it ever occurs, because she does believe in me, cares for me, and supports me. I am thankful for many others in my life who do too. So without further ado...here is my list :)

1- Meet the Man of my Dreams
2- go on a date- actually go on ALOT of dates, with said person in #1!!!
3- Have my very own prom- I have never been to a dance or a prom in my life as the church we grew up in frowned upon this, and I never want to break the rules :)
4- go to Rockefeller Center at Christmas Time and see the Big Christmas Tree
5- Go to Disneyland at Christmas Time and see the Christmas Parade
6- Record my own album
7- Write my own music and actually have the courage to share it with people.
8- Write a book
9- Have my own children and adopt some too.
10- Visit Ireland and learn about my heritage
11- Dance in the Rain
12- Have the BIGGEST WEDDING EVER with the man of my dreams :)
13- Start a youth center and help youth who so desperately need it
14- Build, Manage, and Direct my very own camp
15- Go on a HUGE SHOPPPING SPREE at what other store, OLD NAVY of course :)
16- sing in front of ALOT of people!
17- Go to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
18- Visit Stars Hollow :)
19- See all of my favorite bands perform live!!
20- Spend New Years Eve with the man I love and get kissed at Midnight.
21- Lead Worship with the man of my dreams
22- Learn to Play Guitar
23- Learn to play piano
24- Visit California

I have MANY DREAMS, but these are some of the biggest ones. Bottom line is that, I know I am already blessed with the most amazing family and friends, but there are still dreams that I have and things in my life that I want to achieve and I hope that I get the chance to do some of them!!!!

pop tarts

Okay, so I know I have not been so great at getting time to write on my blog lately....but when I get time, I write what has been on my mind. Todays is kind of a random thought, but please read all of this before writing me off :)

Poptarts, okay, so I think we can all admit that we love these things to indulge in every once in a while :) You can eat poptarts in two different ways. You can just open up that package and take one out right away....or, if you have the patience, you can wait the extra few minutes, warm it up in the toaster and then pull out and induldge in that gooey deliciousness :0)

Most of the time, I take the easy route, I open the package and just bite in on my way out the door to work. But boy on those days when I take the extra time to put it in the toaster, I think to myself, "why dont I just have the patience to wait everyday and enjoy what I know could be even better if I was just willing to wait a few minutes." :)

Okay, now go with me on this, sometimes I think this is how we treat our lives as well. First of all, we get so busy and so caught up that we miss the beauty around us. We miss the smiles on our friends faces, we miss going to hang out because we just have to many other things to get done. We miss life, because we are just too busy. I watched a movie a couple weeks ago called, "Conversations with God". One of the quotes from the amazing movie was from a woman who had been missing out, she said, "Im so busy making a living that Im not living at all, in fact, Im making a dying". You see she had been missing out on all the joy around her, because she was just settling for working and not living.

In our spiritual lives it is much the same. We all get so busy with all the other "stuff" and God is usually one of the first things that we easily let go of. We dont do our devotions, or we just take a quick 5 minutes and tell God what we need. We settle for as little as possible, BUT, if we just took a few extra minutes, what could we find in those minutes?

Would we find peace to help us through the worries and trials? Would we find joy instead of heart ache? Would we find strength to help us face what lies ahead? Would we find the real savior that we claim to love so much? I think we would be surprised with what we would find. I know I have been. In my life this past year, EVERYTHING has been torn from me. My mother has been very sick and unable to be there for me like she has been my whole life, my baby brother got married and moved to Bolivia and we have been bestfriends all of our lives, I had to learn to live life without him. I even moved away from home for a year, living completely alone, all a plan from my Lord and Savior who loves me enough to pull me through the crud, if it means my coming closer to him. I have been learning to cherish these quiet times, and when I miss them, my day is just not the same. I NEED them, I need JESUS!

Now I am in no way comparing our Lord to some measly toaster pastry, just the idea that for me, I realize that this small thing, made me think about something much bigger than I.

I havent always enjoyed football, but when I lived with my brother and his friends, we watched alot of it and I actually began to really enjoy it, now I follow some teams and watch it on my own sometimes! Well of course in the news right now is Tim Tebow. He is in the news because of the life he is choosing to live for Christ. And he is catching alot of flack for it, but you know what, HE DOESNT CARE! He says, "its my relationship with God, I want to shout about it any chance I get". So thats what I want to start doing too. If that means that every time I enjoy a pop tart (toasted of course) it reminds me of the sweetness of that precious time with Christ, them more power to you little pop tart! I vow to do this with my life as well, I will shout about my relationship with God and I will spend that extra time alone with him, so I have even more to shout about :)

I love you friends.

Merry Christmas!!!

ITS BEEN TOO LONG!!!

Okay....it has been a VERY VERY VERY long time since I have updated this thing and MANY changes have happened in my life since then! SO here we go!

Well, okay it all started at Red Rock Camp this summer. God began to speak to me about some changes he wanted to make in my life. To be honest, it happened back last October. I had sensed God leading me to move to a job I had been offered in Sumner Iowa to be a full time church secretary and youth pastor. This was AFTER my mother had been suffering from some very difficult health problems and I had been caring for her and my father. I felt selfish for leaving, but my brother, his wife, and I got things in order for mom and dad and I made the 3 hour move to Northeast Iowa. I learned alot about myself in the year I was there. First of all, I lived in an apartment BY MYSELF for the first time in my life!! I learned that while I HATED IT! I could do it and make it on my own, which was something I was always scared of and not sure I could do. I began to make some friends in Sumner and grew close to the youth.

In the beginning of the winter season in Sumner, shortly after Christmas, I was getting ready to take my kids on a ski trip when I recieved the call that my father had recieved the news that my mother had cancer. At this point in time, they thought it was spinal cancer in very advanced stages and did not give us a lot of hope on her prognosis. I somehow gained my composure and took my youth group on their trip after that point, and then made arangements to travel home to see my mother, meet with doctors, etc. NOT AN EASY thing to go through and let me just tell you CANCER SUCKS!!!!! ALOT!!!! However, we were lucky, we found out that moms cancer was not the spinal cancer they thought it was. We found out that it was Lymphoma and that it was not only treatable, but the one kind of cancer that many doctors will use the word curable when describing it.

It is now October and while my mother is still trying to regain the use of her legs, and is still going through some other health issues, HER CANCER IS IN COMPLETE REMISSION AND SHE HAS HOPE OF REGAINING SOME USE OF HER LEGS!!!! God is good and even in a tough situation, he drew us closer to him! I went back to Sumner after she began chemotherapy and it was SO DIFFICULT! My father was completely alone back in Oskaloosa. He was travelling with her to her appointments and bearing much of the weight of this on his own. It was while I was at Red Rock that God began to speak to me about having something different he wanted me to do.

To be honest, at first I thought he was calling me to move further away from my family. Maybe he wanted me to move to the cities where I had alot of friends and there were more opportunities for work and ministry. I continued to pray and I knew he wasnt calling me to the cities, but I knew he was calling me out of Sumner. Then my dad began to share with me how lonely he really was, how tough it really was for him to be alone with no family close by. I went back home for a few days after directing a camp at the end of the summer. It was then, as I was visiting my father, that God made it clear to me. What he was asking me to do, what he was calling me to do, was to move back home to Oskaloosa. He would provide a job for me, not one that would pay much, but I would get by until he was ready to provide more. He would provide a home for me, not in ways I would understand, but he would and I had to just trust him.

The part that was hard was understanding why he had called me to Sumner in the first place, just to call me back home a year later. I wasnt sure I was ready to listen, until my health began to decline. At this point, my doctors highly encouraged that I move back home while they got it back on track. My thyroid was severely out of whack, my blood sugars were too high, my blood presssure was too high, bottom line, I needed to get my medicines under control and I needed to be close to my doctors. I also needed to be closer to my family. I needed to help my father and I needed his help as I went through some of this medical stuff as well.

SO.....I put it in Gods hands, I made the choice, and I moved! It happened VERY FAST! I was offered a job, the DAY I applied! Not much pay,but enough to make ends meet for the first few months I was here until I got on my feet and could find something else. God then provided a place to live....well, let me back up. First, I tried to do it on my own. I got mixed up into A VERY BAD apartment situation, I lost money on the deal and was VERY UNSAFE, BUT God protected me through it all and then unfolded his plan.

You see, my dad, was ready to move to a house, he was getting tired of his apartment, and while we know that it is not hopeful that my mother will move back home, if we got her to a nursing home in Oskaloosa, she COULD come visit if we lived in the right place. Living in his apartment, he would not have the hope of her visiting him there. He also didnt have a yard or a place he could sit outside and enjoy the weather. He felt cooped up. My moving back, gave us both a chance to find a place together. So we found a perfect little house. and now we are there together. He has someone so he doesnt have to be alone and I can care for him the way he needs. And I have someone to talk to as well. My dad was beginning to have some of his own health issues as well. This was God ordained, even though it was difficult to see at the time.

My health, after 2 months of VERY CRAPPY STUFF, has finally started to show improvement! my blood pressure and blood sugars have evened out! I have lost about 40 pounds and am on my way to loosing alot more :) and my hormones are evening out as well! This part takes a little bit more time than the rest of the stuff unfortunetly :( But at least improvments are on their way!

I have been sitting here thinking for the past few months that I dont really understand God. I try so hard to understand, to "get it", to "wrap my brain around it", but I just plain cant do it. and then a comment that I said to my small group girls at camp comes to my mind, "I dont want to serve a God that I can wrap my head around, he just wouldnt be big enough then". Somehow I think saying that and believing and living it, are 2 VERY DIFFERENT THINGS :)

October is a month of reflection for me, my bestfriend Meggans sister and her boyfriend were killed in a car accident in October, they were so young and understanding it is just very difficult and I dont know that we are meant to. My bestfriend Shannon, who is more like a sister to me, would have 5 year old twins right now had she not lost them before they even had a chance to enter the world. Its in October that I moved to Sumner and left my family for the first time in my life, and went through some very difficult trials COMPLETELY ALONE. And just this week, my bestfriend Shannon had a friend who lost a baby boy that was just 4 months old. I didnt know her personally, but I still am speechless while trying to understand what she is going through.

I would be lying if I told you that I handle all of this with joy, strength, grace, and understanding toward God, because, I DONT! I look around and am jealous of my friends on facebook who are my age, they are married and have met the love of their life, and here I am 29 years old and still completely alone. They have children, and with all of my health problems, one very difficult statement the doctors have made is that I may never be able to have children of my own. I LOVE children and have dreamed of being a mom for YEARS of my life, and while I am SO HAPPY for my friends, I dont understand why God doesnt think Im worthy of these things and bless me with them as well. I question alot how God can allow people who have dedicated their lives to his service to suffer from cancer like my mother, who has been THE MOST AMAZING WOMAN I have EVER KNOWN in my life. Why does he allow children to suffer with illness and pain and die? Why does he allow parents to go through the pain of loosing a baby? Why do I have to have all these health problems in my life and feel like I cant be myself anymore?

I have had alot of these questions lately. I am such a bubbly and outgoing person, but October, it takes that away from me. I want to spend time with my friends, I want to live like a 2o something, instead of worrying about my health issues all the time. I want to have a job that pays me what I should be making after working my butt off to get a BA, instead of struggling to make ends meet every paycheck. I want to be happy. I want my friends not to feel the pain of the things that they have had to go through!

But you know what, my friend Shannon said some amazing things in her senior chapel after loosing her babies, she allowed God to use her pain to bring people closer to him. Her notes from that chapel are STILL BEING USED in sermons today because out of that pain, she allowed God to make her a stronger woman! Meggan and her family now host a walk every year in honor of her sister. Meggans mother has started an organization to bring the light of Christ to people through a tragic situation. A mother who lost her baby shared that even for only the 4 months, she would have still done it all again just for the joy of knowing him.

You see, its AMAZING, our God loves us so much that he takes the time and cares so much about our well being, that he literally puts trials in our lives sometimes, just so that we can be closer to him. HE LONGS for us to know him more, he desires our souls, our hearts, our lives! He WANTS US! He pursues us. As I reflect lately, I realize that all these trials, all this "stuff", has made me draw closer to God! The questions, they make me seek answers and as I seek those answers, I learn more about the God that loves me unconditionally.

I am THANKFUL this October. Thankful for my mom being in remission of cancer! Thankful that I have the ability and chance to spend these days with my father and that I am able to help him and care for him! Thankful for the friends that I have in my life. Thankful that I know that if we can make it through the pain of the valley, the beauty of the mountain is a gift that we can not even begin to imagine!!! God has a plan and I get to take it step by step as he leads me. Right now those steps were, move back home, work at a daycare, move in with your father, take care of your father, cherish the moments you have with your family, cherish your friendships, QUIT SELLING YOURSELF SHORT and see HOW AMAZING YOU ARE, because youre a creation of Christ!!!

I am going to allow myself to be a new creation in Christ and be used of him daily. Through the good and the bad, HE IS THE SAME GOD, yesterday, today, and FOREVER! And he is the God I am committed to serving, and knowing more and more each day.

Royal Family Kids Camp and LIfe Changes....

This past week, I had amazing opportunity to go and work at Royal Family Kids Camp. This was something I was very excited about, many of you who know me well, know that camp is something that I LOVE!!! Since college that is my summer, counseling at camps, working with youth, I just love it!!! My dream job, other than the one I have right of being a full time youth pastor, would be to work as a camp director. Giving children and youth a chance to have a great week of their lives. I would have camps for children with disabilities, children with terminal illnesses, children who are families of those with terminal illnesses, regular camps, and camps like the one I just went to. That would be my dream.

This week, at Royal Family Kids Camp, 100% of the children attending are from abused and neglected homes. And they are all from our state! All from the very areas that we live in every day of our lives, what a mission field, that we sometimes forget is even there! I love these children so much, my heart broke for them as we were working at camp this week. It was alot harder for me than I thought it would be. I guess I kind of went into this camp thinking arrogantly to be honest. Thinking, oh well I have done camps since college, I can handle this and it will be just fine. Boy was I wrong!!! This camp changed my life in ways I never even dreamed it would.

First of all, to sit at night with a little girl and sing her to sleep was just awesome! She had never been sung to sleep before and she just loved it :) and so did I! One night, I had to hold back tears as I thought about how, for Bryan and I, this was an every night occurance, my mom would come into Bryans room first, rub his back and sing and then he would drift off to sleep, then it was my turn, I took much longer, because I loved it so much, I loved to sing with her, it was one my favorite parts of the day and a memory I still treasure to this day, and now, God gave me a chance, even if only for 5 days, to give that memory to this little girl! How awesome is that? She was the sweetest thing too.

I conquored some pretty big fears this week too, I got in the pool 4 times! Which, for me, is a HUGE deal, because I HATE SWIMMING! Mainly, because I dont know how and it just plain scares me! But to see the faces of those girls light up when I got in the pool to swim with them and play with them, it was worth every tear that I shed trying to face the fear. and now, I actually enjoy the pool! and look forward to going back and maybe even learning how to actually swim!!

Another part of camp was truly seeing myself in God eyes, you see, I struggle daily with my self esteem. Partly because of horrible people from my past and mean things they said, I had a GREAT family, I just didnt always have great friends or relationships. People can be cruel, and I feel like it is some kind of sickness that satan uses on me, but I remember almost every mean and hurtful thing that has ever been said to me, as I have shared in past blogs. Getting past that has been hard, but God reminded me that just as he loves these kids and gives them new names and sees them in ways that they cant even imagine, he sees that beauty in me too. Using my gifts this week helped me see that. I got to help with music, sing, make up actions, have fun, and the kids embraced that and it was awesome! I got to see myself through the lens of God, even for just a second, and the beauty I saw was hard for me to accept or believe. How could God really see me that way? How could these kids see me that way? But they did, just as I saw their beauty, they saw mine and we shared in it together. Same with many of the staff, we saw this beauty that we may have never seen in one another before and it was AWESOME! We lived this week the way God intended for us to live and I miss it!

Leaving and coming back was very tough. To hear one child say to his counselor, "please take me home with you, please, if I come and live with you, at least I wont be locked in a closet" to see another child grab handfuls of cookies before he left the church because he didnt know when he would be fed again. To see the faces of these kids as their parents came to get them and they didnt even hug or smile after not seeing their child for a week. To see one mom grab the arm of her child and say lets get going while the child tried to say good bye to her counselor. To see the faces of some of the kids as they went back into their shells as soon as we arrived home, THAT WAS HEARTBREAKING!

These kids deserve to live the life we gave them for a week all year round. They deserve 3 good meals a day, attention from adults, love and care, a bath everyday. I know that I realize how great I had it now. I knew it before, but its just so much more real now. I have memories of my mom bringing treats to school, cookies made speical for each child with their name written on them, singing us to sleep every night, birthday parties at adventureland, happy joes, mc donalds and other fun places, fishing every summer with my dad, playing catch with my daddy and brother every summer. Sledding with them in the winter and then coming back in the house with hot chocolate and cookies that my mom had made. Christmases with lots of presents, movies and an amazing dinner. I could go on and on. and all of this, topped off by saying that EVERYDAY, at least once, if not mulitiple times a day, my mom and dad hugged me and told me they loved me! and so did my brother. (okay, not in high school, we were too cool then) :) But I had all this blessing and I missed it sometimes by wishing I had more.

I am so thankful that out of all I have been given, I was able to give back just a little bit. THat hopefully, through my blessings, I was able to bless some children this week as well! God is good, and he is going to be with those kids even when we cant! But I sure do miss them and wish I could do more!!!!

The Prodigal Son

Luke 15:11-32- Most of you know the story of the Prodigal son, in short, a son who had a very good life with his family, decided he wanted more, became greedy and asked his father to give him his inheritance early. The father, being loving, but wanting his son to have free choice, gave him his inheritance, the son went, to a city, in my mind, something like that of Vegas (although Ive never been there, just the name, "sin city") that concept is what comes to my mind. He spends all of his money and is forced to have a job in the pig pen feeding livestock and he barely has enough to live on, he goes back to his fathers farm, asking not for his fathers love, but just to be able to be hired as one of his men, the father takes him in his arms and welcomes him home, he actually ran to his son and held him close.

This is an amazing picture of what God does for us....but let me tell you why Im sharing it, lately I have been facinated with this story. I have always liked it, because it reminds me some what of my brother and I. I, being the older son in this story, which is half accurate, except I am the daughter and I am my daddys little princess :) but I digress.....the point is, these boys are so different, much like Bryan and I.

Allow me to take you to our childhood a little bit, I am 2 and 1/2 years old than Bryan, the day he came home from the hospital, I really was not happy, I was happy being the "only pebble on the beach", as my parents say. I loved the attention and really had no desire to share it. However, about a week in, Bryan became my beloved bestfriend, and I became, what I have lovingly been referred to in my family ever since, "the mother hen". I loved to boss Bryan around, I loved to dress him in my little dresses (sorry to embarrass you Bryan, but you have some stories like this about me too:)), but most of all, I just loved to have talks with him. As we grew up our rooms were right across the hall from each other, and we would often talk to each other late at night about things of the day and we became, as I said, bestfriends....but what reminds me of us in the story of the prodigal son goes far deeper. First, I imagine these brothers being close like Bryan and I were, at least I think it would be nice if that were the case.

But as I said, Bryan and I are also very different people. From the day I was born, I have been very clingy to people, and I have HATED to be alone. I still do. When I was a baby, my mom would rock me and I would fall fast asleep, but the minute she laid me down and left the room, I cried, I hated the idea of being in there alone. When it was time to play, I needed someone to play with toys with me, I didnt want to do it alone. My brother on the other hand, very much a low maintence child. He would take his bottle at night, and let mom hold him for a few minutes, for her satisfaction more than his it would seem, and then he wanted to be left alone, lay him in his crib, leave the room, he needed his alone time. When he got older, he loved playing with his toys alone, he loved to entertian himself and he liked his space. TOTAL OPPOSITES the two of us.

As life went on, you see it even more. I am much more of a people pleaser than my brother is. He loves people and cares for them very much, but, he doesnt care about what they think as much as I do. He was able to laugh and let things roll of his back, much easier than I when people would say hurtful things, I only wish I could. and he was able to know that those that did love him, were what mattered. I will never forget the day that I came home just bawling from some hurtful words someone said at school, my mom held me and cried with me, never wanting me to feel this pain, and Bryan, being only 4 at the time, came up to me and said "Sissy, I will always love you, no matter what." I have never forgotten that, because he has always been true to his word. He cared about me, and he wanted his words to mean more to me than the mean ones did.

I was listening to Mark Driscoll talk about the Prodigal Son today, he put this into 2 categories, the rebellious (younger son) and the regious (older son), both having many problems, neither one fully living in the right. You see, this is where Bryan and I differ too, not now, back then. I always wanted to follow the rules, I never even had a desire to try things that were wrong, and I very rarely wanted to do anything that might even remotely be sin. That was my life as a Christian, even up into high school, life as clean as I can, follow all the rules, so that God wont get mad at me and will still love me.

Bryan, was not a bad guy, by any means, and the man that he is today is someone who I am deeply proud of, God has used him and transformed him in ways that I can not even begin to describe to you. But if you were to look at this story, in our high school years, Bryan would have been the younger son.

But as I said, neither one of the sons were right. Much like in our story, and at times in our lives, I think Bryan and I have switched roles, he the religious and I the rebellious. You see, the rebellious son, he out right was sinning, his sin was all over on the outside, you could see it, I picture him as strung out on drugs, his clothes are dirty, he has lost alot of weight, he just looks like the filth he has filled his life with. When people look at him, they see his sin, right out there, no denying it, no hiding it, its there.

Now the religous guy, his sin is on the inside. He may have it all put together on the outside, but on the inside his heart is judgmental, he thinks he is better than those around him, because outwardly he looks the part. He is sething with anger and envy toward his brother. His heart and mind are filled with thoughts of anger and impurity. You see, while he doesnt look fithy on the outside, on the inside, he looks AWFUL! And he, is living in just as much sin as his brother. Both of them equally bad, neither one of them living a life that shows they have been redeemed by grace.

Mark Driscoll put it this way, and Im not sure if I agree, he said that neither one of these sons actually loved their father, they were just using him. I dont know, I wasnt in their hearts, but by looking at them and their story, one could come to this assumption. They did all these hurtful things to their father, and as long as they had something to gain from him, they continued to use him. I wonder, do we do the same thing to our heavenly father?

This week I have had the chance of babysitting, alot, all the kids great kids, all wonderful parents as well. Yesterday, I was with Issac, Sophie, and Zekers (Ezekiel), and we watched the Wonderful World of HA'S, Veggie Tales take on the Wizard of Oz :) The story was all about the prodigal son, as Junior Asparagus realized he had spent all his money and felt his father could never forgive him for all he had done, and he walked back and his father scooped him up in his "arms" (they are vegetables, no arms :)) but as this scene continued, I got a little teary, realizing thats what God does for me.

Living with children now, as my roommate has 2 children of her own, that she shares with her husband, I have been learning alot of lessons lately. But we sat and talked about Easter together and my friend Tiffany looked at her daughter Emily and said, "Emmy, Jesus did all that for you", as we watched a scene of him dying on the cross. Tears streamed down my face, I guess I had never thought about it in those words before, in the way a child can understand it, it was as if God was speaking to me through Tiffany, which I believe he was, as she said this to Emily, Jesus said to me, "Becky, I did that for you, I love you".

You see, being the relgious one, I have know all the right answers for most of my life, I have done the right things alot, I have done alot for Jesus, but what does it all mean? You see, the rebellious son, he had a chance to see it, first hand, his father scooped him up and said, I love you son, Welcome Home!

I want that too! My brother, as I said before has had an amazing transformation in life, and I am so thankful I have had the chance to see it and even get to be a small part of it. I got the chance to see his prodigal son moment. He turned his life back to Christ, after a time of my praying for him and many others too, as I saw it, tears streamed down my face. He knew God loved him and he was accepting it, he has NEVER turned back, God has transformed him, he scooped him up, wiped his tears, and held him close, and now when people look at Bryan, they are able to see Christ. In fact, he is a missionary now, he is living daily to serve the God that changed his life.

I want that too, I want people to see Christ when they look at me, I want to be so affected and transformed by his love that I cant help but share it with those around me. We are all the prodigal son, or the older son, or both, but all of us are sinners in need of saving by grace. Today, will you allow God to scoop you up in his arms and hold you and forgive you and welcome you back to his family? Im thankful I did, and I praise God everyday that my baby brother did and that because of our choices, many more will have the chance to be accepted by these arms as well.

I love you all.

Becky

Judge not lest ye be judged

There are days where I hate living in a small town. Very few, but they are there. Most of the time, I LOVE it, and I couldnt handle city life, but today, this morning to be exact, I was reminded of why I hate it. I went in to the local convience store and was grabbing some breakfast, I grabbed an orange juice, a chocolate milk, a piece of bacon breakfast pizza, a long john donut, and a package of those small little donuts too. Okay, now that being the only information I have given you, you probably have the same look on your face that the judgmental lady at the counter gave me. But you see, here is what you dont know and what she didnt know either, and had she known, maybe then the opinion she had of me would have changed. My bestfriend here in Sumner is Trista. I have only known her since October, but she is amazing!! She has 6 children and she is a great mom. One of her children had been admitted to the hospital the night before with RSV and Pneumonia, and I was grabbing some of her and her daughters favorites for breakfast this morning to take with me to the hospital. The food on the counter was not for my consumption at all, when this woman looked at me as though I was a fatty mc fatterson that would have been better off with an apple and some oatmeal, it hurt me, as most of the time judgment does.

Later on today, I got a phone call from my daddy who was hurt by comments from some of his friends about me not coming home for Easter. One person even made the comment that somehow I care more about my church than my mother. THIS IS NOT TRUE AT ALL. In fact, being away from my parents for the first time in my life has been one of the hardest things in my life, it has been necessary and I have grown alot, but I miss them SO MUCH! You see, rather than asking my dad or me about why I wasnt home, opinions and judgments were made without any thought at all. I am a youth pastor and at our church the youth do a Sunrise Service and a breakfast on Easter Sunday morning, its a really big deal and as the youth pastor, I needed to be here for my youth group! Also, my bestfriend is having a baby this week, tomorrow to be exact and I have been setting up my visit home so I can see my mommy, my daddy, and the new baby all at the same time!

You see, the point I am making is this, we too many times are so quick to judge that we miss out on some great times to care for and encourage one another. This week, while I have been hurt by judgment, I think back to times where I have done the same thing. Maybe I didnt talk to someone because they were different, or I thought negative things about someone, without knowing their story at all.

During our Easter Service, the youth did 2 great skits. One of them was a human video to the song, "we are the body" by Casting Crowns. The words to this song are a good message for us to hear. Some of the words that stick out to me are, "Jesus paid much to high a price for us to pick and choose who we like, we are the body of Christ, if we are the Body, then why arent our arms reaching, why arent his hands healing, why arent his words teaching?" In the video the idea is that these people are sitting in church listening to the words, doing the motions, singing the songs, but when people in need come into the house of God and need love and care, they are judgmental, they are hurtful, and these people end up leaving, without ever hearing the message of Christ, because the actions of the people got in the way of the love of Christ.

I think sometimes, we are this same way, but if we are truly rooted in Christ and we say we are his people, we need to act as the Body of Christ, no judgment, no gossip, not hurting one another, but rather spurring one another on in love and encouragement.

Christ died on the cross for each of us. He loves us very much, with a love we cant even fathom, but if we truly love him and desire to serve him, our lives should reflect it,our hearts should be rid of this judgmental attitude entirely and replaced with Gods love and grace. I am going to try and live this way this week, and for weeks, months, and years to come, and I invite you to come and do the same. Lets do this thing together. Lets vow this week to put others before ourselves, and if we can do it for a week, we can do it for 2 and if we can do it for 2 we can do it for 3 and so on. The life that God has asked us to live, is not one that we are asked to live alone, in fact, God feels that is the worst thing, for us to be alone, its Biblical and the whole reason he created eve. So, lets start living this life together, making sure no one has to go through this thing alone.

As the song says, in High School Musical, I know cheesy, but you should expect this from me by now :) " Were all in this together"!!!

Deep Dark Secret Time....wow, never thought Id share that!!!

Today has been a very weird day for me. As in, I have just been lost in my thoughts today. I mean I just have tons of stuff that is just running through my mind, all good stuff, alot of it God stuff, but its like I am living in another world or something. People come in to my office, I hold conversation with them, almost like they have come in and interupted this beautiful place that I really would rather stay in today. The phone rings and my teeth cringe as I know its my job to answer the phone, but dont these people know I have lots to think about today and dont want to be bothered by them? :O) Just Kidding.

In my thought world today has been alot about music. God has been leading me for quite sometime now to write my own music and to release and album, that may sound conceded to some, trust me it is not at all. You see, many people over the years have asked me to record myself singing, but most of the time, I dont even know if I feel like Im good enough. Thoughts go through my head of someone who once told me that while everyone else thought I should go on American Idol, I just didnt have the talent and even if I did, based on my looks, Id never make it in. Or the meeting I had with 4 women, Godly women, women who I am still friends with today, but the hurt from this meeting still stings and haunts me at times. The words that were said still cut me to the core. You see, Im that person, in fact, on Gary Chapmans Five Love Languages, most of you know that I would score lowest on physical touch, because Im just not a hugger. I would say that it empties my tank, its just that hugs and such, dont really do much to fill it either. Want to know a secret, something I have never told anyone....I REALLY AM A HUGGER. I like hugs alot to be honest. I know that I tell people I am not much for physical touch, but to be 100% totally honest, its a front. You see, I feel like before people have the chance to hurt or reject me, this is an easy way that I can have control and keep myself from being hurt. I know, it sounds really weird, but its my way of just making sure I dont let people in all the way. Heres the thing, I dont think that people would really want a hug or anything from me anyway, so I dont really feel like I am depriving anyone, Im just protecting myself. I do this alot in my life, and I need to stop. Its just like when I make plans with someone. Sometimes I make plans and I end up canceling, because even though it might have been something I was really looking forward to, I dont want anyone to be obligated to spend time with me and I figure they have got to have way better things to do than spend time with me. I know, Im kinda crazy. But youre still reading my blog, so thanks for that :)

However, back to the story at hand, now that I have completely bared my soul to you, with those deep dark secrets. Now, disclaimer, this does not mean that if you all start coming up to me and bear hugging me that I am going to jump for joy, its still at the bottom of my love languages, just not as low as I made people think :) However, I am that person who scores highest on words of affirmation. When people compliment me, I dont usually forget it, it sticks with me and on those really tough days, I pull it out to remind myself. This also means that all those horrible words, well they stick too. In fact, I can pull out almost every moment of hurtful things that were said to me. Things I remember from preschool about kids saying I was fat because I ate more than them, in middle school when kids called me pork and beans, in high school when my brother and his friends picked out EVERY possible physical thing that was wrong with me and made fun of me, a fight Bryan and I had where he told me I had the worst singing voice ever and he hated hearing me sing, words he didnt even mean, just pulled out because he knew theyd sting for a short time, but I still remember them. (dont feel bad Bryan, its not your fault). The point is, THIS is what I am afraid of when it comes to writing and produciing music.

God has laid some pretty great songs on my heart, but I am too scared to share them with anyone, because I dont want them to reject me, I dont want to be made fun of, and I certainly dont know if I am ready to let people in, which is what I would be doing with some of the subject content of my songs.

This is what has been going through my head all day. I watch Nick Jonas' podcast, I LOVE hearing him share his heart, my roommate thought it was one of the dumbest things she had ever seen, but I LOVE it! You see, he has no fear. He writes about that personal stuff, he shares about God and his relationship with him, hes not afraid to just plain be himself. I long for that. I long for the day that I will just know in my heart that I am loved and accepted for who I am, no questions asked, I long for that day that I will not be so consumed with the thoughts people have of me. Heres the thing, when it comes to my faith, certain things in my life, I dont care what people think, I will live it out. For example, NEVER BEEN KISSED in my life, because Im saving it for my wedding day, dont care what anyone things or says, its my choice and im proud of it. Think it is wrong to drink alcohol under ANY cirrcumstance when you are a Christian and have scripture to back me up, and Im not afraid to share it with anyone. But when it comes to how I look or something like that, I care ALOT about what others think. Maybe its a girl thing. I dont know, but I know I hate it.

Bottom line, God is really leading me to do somethings for him and I am just getting tired of getting in his way. Thats the thoughts of the day :)

Feels Like Home....

Okay....so its been a while. sorry about that, well to the 9 of you that actually read this, I am sure you have been hanging on the edge of your seat waiting for my next blog :) ha ha ha....anyways.

well first, my baby brother and his wife are now safely at their new home in Bolivia and ready to serve God with all their hearts. I am SO PROUD of them! I really am. I miss them alot, but my heart wells up with pride. Hoping that in my life, I show the same commitment to the God who has given me such AMAZING blessings. I think I do. Im not in another country, but I am in a new culture and Im on my own, like the Les Mis song states :) and Im doing what God has laid on my heart to do. I have been thinking about this alot lately, how we just have this one idea of missions in our heads, what Bryan and Molly are doing, which is fantastic, but what about those of us who truly do have a PASSION in our hearts for where we are at right now? and what about those of us who are followers of Christ but we really dont have a passion to reach anyone? See, the commitment, thats what God wants, the heart of a servant, to do whatever he says, whenever he says, wherever he might lead out of a heart of crazy love for him, a fraction of which is the CRAZY LOVE he has for us!!

Second, my mommy is doing well. Doctors are giving her a VERY GOOD outlook, after 3 treatments of chemo now, the cancer is completely dormant and with this type of cancer, should not come back and if it does, they can treat it at that time. The cancer she has is one of the best types to get, if thats even possible, because it is not only treatable, but doctors now use the word curable! God is good and he has been showing himself through her trials in amazing ways!

Third, so as many of you know, I am a hopeless romantic. If you go back and read my previous blogs, you know I love chick flicks. I dream of the day I will get married, I even have the wedding party picked out, i mean bridesmaids, ringbearers, flower girls, even junior groomsmen and bridesmaids, because I have been blessed with so many great children in my life :) One of my favorite songs ever is called, Feels Like Home. It is from a womans perspective of the man she is in love with. How happy he is making her, how lonely she has been, how she has prayed for the day that they would meet and share this love together. and man, I just have to say that I feel like daily, the longing in my heart to meet my future husband is just growing like crazy. I mean unbelieveable amounts, its like God is preparing my heart to meet him. I sure hope its the case. I long for that sense of belonging and love from my future spouse.

I guess, if I am going to be totally honest, which of course I am, I have had this sinking feeling that I am always going to be alone, that I am never going to meet mr.right, that something about me is just plain not good enough. I look around and I swear to you 95 percent of my friends are married and have children or married and so happy together or preparing to get married and here I sit alone. I just long for the day to prepare for my wedding, to fall in love, just all of it. Lately, I have these talks with friends who say, you know its not all its cracked up to be Becky, be happy where you are at. And maybe it is one of those, grass is always greener things, but somehow, I just dont feel it is. You see, I dont want to get married just for me, oh dont get me wrong, to be loved with that kind of love, I cant wait, but more than that, its because I have this love in my heart that is just bursting for my future husband. I have prayed for him for years, I have had him on my mind and made choices regarding him for so long, no kissing until its for him, my heart belongs to him, I just know that God has created this perfect man for me. And I cannot wait to lavish the love on him that Christ has lavished on me, to show him the love that God has placed in my heart for him.

I guess what I am trying to say in all of this is that God has given some incredible blessings and I know that he has many blessings to come. And I am in awe of what he is doing and what he has yet to do. To God Be The Glory in ALL of these things!!

Really, youre a follower of Christ?

Okay....so I am going to try my best to write this in such a way that I am not being judgemental, because I am the last person that has any right to sit in judgement. However, accountibility is something that I think we have been lacking alot in this Christian walk lately. So today, I am not going to hold back, I am going to say what God has really been laying on my heart. Be ready for a short sermon in blog form. When I was a little girl and even to this day, I always wanted to follow the rules. I didnt like to go against them at all. I liked to make sure I was always doing what my parents told me to do. I guess some would have called me a good two shoes, and you know what? Im okay with that. Because I was striving to live my life in an honorable way. However, when I got to college, there was a short period of time, where I threw all of this away. I decided I was sick of following the rules, I was tired of always doing the right thing. I began swearing, not even because I liked it, just because I knew it was wrong. I began smoking, again, not because I liked it, just because it was against the rules. I became an ugly person, one who I was not proud to be at all. I HATED myself during this time and when I look back on it, I learned alot from it, but I wish I had just not even made the choices to begin with. I say all of this to say, I know that we all make the wrong choices sometimes, things we are not proud of, things we wish we could take back. But in the Christian walk, we are called to live a life that is higher than this. I was a camp counselor, I was a worship leader, and I was NOT representing the God I was sharing with all of these people. The moment that I remember the change coming in my life and realizing I couldnt do this anymore was 2 fold. First, I had alot of AMAZING friends, now at the time, I didnt think so, I was ticked at them, because they were all getting on my case for the choices I was making. Adam yelled at me quite a few times, Trevor had some serious talks with me, Shannon fought with me, Joni threatened to talk to those in authority at school if I didnt stop making these choices, and Fred cried as he held me one night telling me that he knew God had more for my life than what I was choosing. and ALL of them LOVED me in my sin, but they loved me too much to let me continue to live my life this way. More than that, they loved our God and were sick of me trampling his name. Going out and living one way at college and another when noone was watching, I had awful character during that time, the person I was when noone was watching was AWFUL. Still, I had not chosen to change. Second was the night that God broke me. I was singing and leading worship on stage one weekend when we were hosting high school kids at our college weekend. I had a call on my life to youth ministries, so I looked forward to these weekends every year. I was on stage and we were singing about how much we loved God, I looked at the faces of these kids and realized I was living a lie. I was broken, how could I do this to them? How could I do this to God who has been so faithful to me all of my life? How could I be doing this? I got done singing and ran back to my room that night and just threw myself on the bed and began to weep. That night I vowed that I was going to quit this lukewarm living thing. Revelation 3:15-16- "I know your works, you are neither hot or cold, be hot or be cold! Because you are neither one, you are lukewarm, I will spit you out of my mouth!" I could tell you the origin of this verse, and if I was really preaching a sermon, I probably would, but for now, suffice it to say that I am tired of watching people live this way and act this way toward my GOD! If I could go back to myself then, I would have done the same things that my friends did, because they were keeping my accountable to the live I had promised to live. I am just sadened by the state of the world around me and the Christians that are around me as well. I know that some people would call me radical and say that I am living to extremes and I need to lighten up, but I think I would rather be called a Radical and be made fun of than to compromise anything in this life. But you want to know the sadest part of this for me? Those that make fun of me for living this life are not non christians, no they are the very same people who are to be my brothers and sisters in Christ. The same ones who claim to serve the God that I love and serve and they are making fun of me because of my beliefs. They call me old fashioned or a prude. I have made some very important choices in my life, because I feel God has called me to them. I will not EVER drink alcohol. First of all because I will not support an industry that I have seen destroy some of the families of the teens I love and care about so much in my ministry. Secondly because of the way it looks in our culture today. I know that this is a very gray area and people would argue well in the Bible they drank wine and there is nothing wrong with it at all, and I am NOT going to sit in judgement of anyone else. But what God has called ME to, is that if its that much of a stumbling block for people, if it causes confusion for someone or causes them to get a clouded view when they look at me and Christ is not as clearly seen, GET IT OUT OF MY LIFE! I dont need it. Or how about the fact that I am 29 years old and am still single, because I have chosen courtship for my life and have yet to find the guy that God has led me to enter into this with. That I have never been kissed in my life, because I am saving it for my wedding night. EXTREME, i know :) But why is that so bad? I mean, because I want my relationship with the one God has for me to be so amazing and perfect that I dont want to do anything that might put blocks in it? I actually feel proud of the fact that I am completely pure and have these gifts to give to my future husband. That is NOT a slam on anyone who does not and that does NOT discount the grace that God offers us when we do come to him, I just have a heart that is full and proud and ready to love when God is ready to bring someone into my life. I just dont feel like I should be laughed at or condemned for choosing that life. The list could go on and on and I would be the first to tell you, once again, that does not mean I live a perfect life, but I strive to. Its what God has called me to. I have been learning and realizing that alot lately, yes we are sinners, ALL of us. BUT we are sinners that were SAVED by grace! That means that if I am living as a saved person and I am striving everyday to be more like Christ, that I dont have to live in sin, I dont have to make mistakes, I am a santified person and I need to start living my life as such! God has called me to be Holy! I am going to start living that everyday! and I hope that you can all see Christ in me and if you cant, CALL ME OUT!!! I mean it. I love my God and I want to live for him!

You Saved Me.....

I love to sing, its no secret to those who are close to me at all, to be honest, even those who arent close to me, might catch me singing in a public restroom, its just a passion that I have in my soul. Next to my passion for Jesus, singing is the thing I am most passionate about in life. It has been a huge part of my life. I often remember scripture based on songs I learned in children's choir when I was younger. There are often things that I go through in life and I have songs that are my "go to" songs.
I was in a band for 3 years while I was in college and I loved it. I often remember songs we sang together and they help me through certain points in my life. I was thinking of one of those songs just the other day, "You Saved Me", was the name of the song. It is all about how God stepped in and saved our lives. I had the solo on this song, and it was one of my favorite to sing, because it was my personal testimony. There have been many points in my life where I was down and out and felt that I needed to be saved, but there is one point, my lowest, that I know God reached in and saved me. I wont go into detail, but suffice it to say, there was a day that I wanted to end my life. I was tired of being made fun of, I was tired of feeling like I didnt fit in. I was just tired of it all. That day, God sent my little brother into the room and we just had one of the most amazing conversations ever. I dont remember what was said and neither does he, we both just know that God used him to let me see myself through the eyes of Christ and how much I was really worth. When I sang this song, thats what I thought of. God physically saved my life that day, but long before that, he saved me.
I think we take that for granted sometimes. I think sometimes we are scared to admit that we even need saving at all. Thats what I want to think about and bask in this week. GOD SAVED ME! I am that important to him. He loves me and cares about EVERY PART of my life and he saved ME!!!! So now that I have been saved, what am I going to do about it?

This weekend.....

Okay....so just as I thought, I got busy and was not able to do all the 30 days. I may come back to them later. But right now, I am going to talk about my weekend. Actually, let me go back and discuss the last 2 weeks and the whirlwind and craziness God has been working with us through!

So most of you know that this past year, for my mother, has been a very tough one. She has gone through depression, she went missing for a while, she went through times of confusion and disorientation, and none of the doctors could figure out why. She has been on many different anti depressants, and even went through some Electric Shock treatments to bring her out of what ever it was that was causing this. Through it all, though it was tough, we kept holding on and knowing that God was working and was going to show himself through this, for his Glory, not our comfort.

Well, last Friday, February 25, I was in the car getting ready to take my youth group on a ski trip when I got the call. My dad was crying on the other end. He said that my mom was being taken the the hospital for emergency surgery, they thought she had cancer of the spine. Now holding myself together, as to not scare a car full of youth, was not easy, but I did it. I went and told Luke the news, I composed myself, and we were on our way. My mom had lost the use of her legs a few days prior and had a cat scan and it showed a tumor causing the loss of her legs.

She had the surgery and came through it with flying colors! My brother and his wife and I rushed home as soon as we could, and the rest of the week, consisted of appointments and consultations with the doctors. The diagnosis...mom has B Cell Large Cell Lymphoma-a cancer that is very treatable and curable as well!

Now, while cancer is a scary and hard word to hear....in my moms case, it was Gods amazing work. You see, as they began to treat her with steroids, she came out of her depression. My mom had barely talked to us at all in the past year, in fact, most times, we didnt even think she knew or cared if we were around. But, my mom came back! She started joking with us again, she started talking to us. She is back to her old self again! The doctor told us that this cancer had been growing for quite sometime and that all that she has been through is directly correlated to the cancer. So she started Chemo, and that has been hard, but, when she is through with it, 6 treatments, and the cancer is iradicated from her body, she will be a new woman! Her back pain, that she has been suffering from for quite a while now, as completely disipated! The prayer now is that she will get the use of her legs back! She has had such trauma to her spinal cord that they cant guarantee that. While she can live a normal life without the use of her legs, its just another tough blow for her after the thousands she has already had this year! She is an AMAZING woman and an inspiration to me! God is real and working everyday! and in his way and time, his miracles are better than ANYTHING I could plan :)

Well, after that week, I came back home and got my kids ready to go on a trip to Acquire the Fire. Now, I am going to be totally honest with you here, I DIDNT WANT TO GO AT ALL!! I wanted to be at a youth ministers conference that was the same weekend. But God knew what he was doing. God moved this weekend alot. I know that he shared alot with my kids, but he shared alot with me too.

one thing that stuck out was a night during worship, the worship leader was sharing with us as we sang one of my favorite songs, Hosanna. He shared that the word means, "save us now". I began to think about this, our God is a God that saves. He loves us and he cares for us. and he wants to save us, its the basis of our relationship with him, if we didnt need to be saved, we wouldnt need him. But have I really allowed myself to be saved and enjoy the complete joy of it? I have dreamed for years that I would meet prince charming and he would come into my life, sweep me off my feet and save me and I would live happily ever after, but have I let God do that in my life?

Secondly, was the craziest turn of events that has happened to me in a long time. When we got to the event, we immedietly went upstairs and got settled and then it was time for worship. As I got into worship, I looked around for a minute, because I noticed that this guy was walking around our section just praying for our kids. I realized that this is something they assign many staff to do. But it touched my heart, these people were praying for me and for my kids :) God drew my attention to the young gentlemen praying for us, God just drew my attention and simply whispered, pray for him and remember him. So, I did.

Throughout the weekend, this guy was in our section, he prayed with some of our kids and passed out things to us when we needed them. At one point, our group wanted to adopt a child from Compassion International, so as we raised our hands, he brought us our packet, and of course the question I am used to by now, "sure, you can have one, but where is your youth leader?" I just smiled and said, "oh thats me". He smiled and said, "great!" This was the first interaction we had. And I just kept reminding myself, God told me to remember this guy.

As we broke from our session, my friend Trista, who has become one of my bestfriends, and had come to help chaperone for the week, went with me to look for shirts to buy. Now let me explain, I had been to this booth 3 times already, I really wanted a shirt and kept hoping theyd get my size, but they never did. So we went up once more, so I could pick another one. I was being ever so careful to pick, because we all know how I am with fashion :) As we were at the booth, this guy comes up. He immedietly begins talking to us. Sharing with me how much he loves Leeland, because I had just purchased an irish looking Leeland wristband. I love LEELAND! So as he comments, I share with him that while I love the band, I also got it for my irish heritage which I am so VERY PROUD of :) He told me I was rocking it very well, and began to flirt. Okay, I know Im not there for a guy, but the next events are going to be that of a flirtly love story, just a discliamer :)

So as he and are talking, my friend Trista shares with him that I am very into fashion and sometimes spend too much time on putting together my ensembles ;) that day i had my boots that matched my scarf that matched my hat. :) To which he replies, "As she should, she is beautiful" and "she is made in the image of Christ as well". Okay, now let me just say, I didnt even get the hint of what was going on here. I honestly thought he was just trying to make a sale and get me to buy more stuff. So Trista, being the loving friend that she is proceeds to ask, "well are you single?" and he looks at me and says, "yes, i am." Trista says, "well how do you feel about courtship?" He then gets red in the face and starts to stutter. "Well, Im Still s-s-s-seeking God on what he has for me". The girl at the booth with him then says, "well he cant date anyway, its a rule of acquire the fire". And then, he looks at me and says, "but im done in August.". Now here is the thing, I missed all of this. My friend Trista recapped later for me.

Because here is what happened in my head. I have been lead on before in my life. I have thought that there was something there and it turned out that the guy was not feeling anything for me. I have also been working on it, but still thought there was no way that this guy would be interested in someone like me.

As the night went on, we were in the last service, he was passing something out, he came and brought it to our row and looked at me with a big smile and said "hey there". Problem is, I didnt get his name or number or anything. I was too scared. I just let my insecurities get the best of me! Since the weekend, God just keeps laying him on my heart. But I have no idea how I will find him.

I just hate that because of my insecurities I missed out on what could have been great blessing in my life. I pray that if its Gods will, he will work it out that somehow Ill find him. But even if I dont, someone out there thinks Im beautiful and that gives me hope to know that God has someone for me. Weather its this man or someone else. Keep praying for me.

God is doing some AMAZING stuff!!!

Love you all!

Becky

Okay. so I have been pretty behind on this whole 30 day challenge, and since its a slow day at work for me, I am going to catch up a little bit. Then its off to go to the new house and get things ready so i can start moving! so ready for a house and not an apartment and a roommate!

anyways....back to the challenge at hand. Okay, so the challenge was to post a picture of someone you have been close to for a long time and then write about them and why you are so close. Well, I couldnt pick just one, so I picked several.

Of course, my brother. He and I have always been bestfriends. This year has been a trying one for us, but he is still my bestfriend and I love him very much. We have been through alot together. We have some really fun memories and some really tough ones, but we have them together and thats what matters.

Shannon Hora, my bestfriend. I have posted about her several times. She has been my bestie since we were in college. its been almost 10 years now! She is a friend I know will be my friend for the rest of my life, no matter where we go in life, she and I will always be friends!!

I posted a picture of me and my daddy. I have always been a daddys girl. Moving here, one of the hardest things was knowing that I would be physically close to my daddy anymore. I wouldnt have the option to go and see him everyday. My dad and i have been close since I was born. When I was very little, he worked in the factory and was laid off work several times, which meant I got to spend LOTS of time with my daddy. We would play, read books, watch movies, go on walks, go to the candy store everyday for my favorite, "red candy"-licorice. He would hide change around the house and we would go on a hunt together for money and then walk to the candy store together. I still talk to my daddy everyday on the phone.

I also posted a picture of both of my parents, because my mom and i are close too. I miss her so much. She is a great woman. We have had so many great talks and lots of great memories together. We love to sing together. Shes an AMAZING woman!!

I posted a picture of me and my meggie! "bestfriend"...that was what we called each other. I have not physically seen Meggan for over a year. But...she is a true friend, because it doesnt matter how long its been, when we talk on the phone, its like no time has passed at all. We can pick right up where we left off. We can still talk about One Tree Hill and how much I am like Brooke Davis. We can talk about her "ugly bridesmaids dress" for an upcoming wedding, while she is going to be VERY pregnant and look like a huge watermelon. and we can talk about the serious stuff too! She is a great friend.

Melissa is another one of my bestfriends. We only get to see each other a couple times a year, but we talk on the phone and facebook very often and keep up with each others lives, and I know that we are very important to each other and very close.

Trista...she is a friend that I talk to EVERYDAY these days. She is my bestfriend here in Sumner. Since the day I moved here, we have had a connection and have been super close. I am very thankful for her in my life, God has truly gifted me with an amazing friend in her. I have alot of great friends here in Sumner, but Trista is just that friend that I know I have a special bond with. I can share ANYTHING with her and she doesnt judge me. and I am able to be there for her too. She gives me encouragement and hope for the future as we deal with some of the same issues in life together.

Jalisa is someone who went from being a girl in counseled at camp, to a fellow counselor, to one of my closest friends. We dont see each other much, as she lives in MN, but we talk often and I know that she loves me no matter what. As I do her.

I could go on and on and fill this blog with pictures and paragraphs about the people God has blessed me with in life. But these are the ones that stuck out to me right now. My family, and my very bestfriends.....those are the people that I consider close to my heart :)

30 days...

So on facebook, there is this 30 days challenge thing. You post a picture and write something about it for the next 30 days. So i decided that I would post it here on my blog and then link to my facebook, that way all my followers can read it, and also, my facebook friends can see it too :) so the first day is that you post a picture of yourself and then write 15 things about yourself....so here goes...

1. My full name is Rebecca Dawn Canny- My name is one that my mom picked out when she was just a little girl.

2. I have a little brother, his name is Bryan Edward Canny. He is 2 years younger than me. He is one of my bestfriends and I like to think I taught him much of what he knows, but the truth is, he has taught me many things too.

3. I am 29 years old, and I have never been kissed in my life, I have never been to a dance, and I have never even been on a date. I guess I just have been waiting for the write guy to come along. So when he comes, he has ALOT to live up to, after waiting for this long :)

4. Even though I am 29 years old, I LOVE the Jonas Brothers. Nick has one of the most amazing voices EVER! Joe is so funny. Kevin is very loving. and all of them have incredible Christian and Family values.

5. GLEE is the MOST AMAZING show in the world! I dream about having the chance to be on it at some point in my life.

6. I have dreamed for years about having a family of my own and have already picked out names for the children Id like to one day have. I wont share them, because I dont want anyone to steal them :)

7. I have already picked out who will be the bridesmaids when I finally get the chance to marry the man of my dreams. Shannon Hora, Meggan Schwirtz, Melissa Johnson, Trista Calonder, Molly Canny, Abby Treiber, Jalisa Negley.

8. I have several places picked out for dream dates in my life and I really hope that when I meet the right guy, I get to go on EVERY ONE of them :)
*DisneyLAND- NOT WORLD- LAND. For some reason, going to California is a HUGE deal to me. At Christmas time so I can see all the Christmas decorations and so I can see the Christmas Parade too.
*Rockefeller Center at Christmas Time to see the Big Tree and shop in New York City.
*Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

9. I want to realase my own album someday and become famous. Not so that I can have all the money, but so that I can reach as many people as possible for the kingdom of Christ. AND so that I can have someone who will clean my house for me and my car too :)

10. I have a HUGE FEAR of squirrels, and am deathly afraid of them. Even after Dan Fassler tried to cure my of it by putting a live one in my room during college.

11. I want to write my own book someday and go around speaking and encouraging teenagers about the AMAZING things God has for them in their lives.

12. My parents are some of the MOST AMAZING people in the world and I love them with all my heart. It was the hardest thing in the world for me to move away from them, which is why it took me 28 years, before I could actually do it :0)

13. My favorite place in the world to be is at Red Rock Camp, I have some of the best friends in the world there and other than my own family, they are the BEST family in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

14. I often think about what celebrities I would like to sing duets with:
Nick Jonas
Mark Salling (Puck from Glee)
Cory Monteith (Finn from Glee)
Chord Overstreet (Sam from Glee)
Kevin Mc Hale (Artie from Glee)
Matt Morrison (Mr. Shuster from Glee)
Okay, pretty much any of the guys from GLEE and Nick Jonas :) I think that there are a few others too, but you get the idea, I want to sing with some celebrities :)

15. I LOVE CANDY. I am like a little kid sometimes....but I LOVE IT!!! My favorites are:
Lemon Heads
Starburts- all flavors
ANYTHING CHOCOLATE
Sour Patch Kids.

BONUSES:

16. My favorite foods are:
Frozen Pizza
Macaroni and Cheese
Chocolate Ice Cream
Strawberry Banana Smoothies from Mc Donalds
Mashed Potatoes
Fried Chicken

17. My favorite kind of pop:
CHERRY Dr. Pepper
Orange Soda

18. My favorite Video Games
Super Mario Kart
Super Mario Brothers 3
Dance Dance Revolution
Sing Star
Just Dance
Karaoke Revolution

19. I have always wanted to go to a Karaoke place with friends, but none of them will go with me, because they think I will show them up.

20. I have a facination with owls, because my brother loves them, and so when I see things with owls on them, I buy it, as a memory of him.

21. I just learned how to play the Jimbaye(a drum you play with your hands) and I LOVE playing it.

22. I want to learn how to play the piano alot better than I can right now, so I can write my own music. I want to learn the guitar too.

23. I love watching Disney Channel.

24. I am addicted to drama and funny shows on TV. My favorites include, Modern Family, The Middle, Scrubs, Traffic Light, Raising Hope, GLEE, One Tree Hill, The Office, Parenthood, Perfect Couples, 30 Rock, Outsourced, Community, Parks and Recreation, Law and Order SVU, Still Standing, 8 Simple Rules, My Wife and Kids, Full House, I love the old shows and the new shows.

25. I have not grown since I was in 5th grade. I am 4'11'' and I wear size 4 or 5 shoes, in childrens. and I have to wear childrens gloves to fit my hands.

26. I have a partial Masters in Counseling, and would someday maybe like to go back and finish it up.

27. I have a BA in Youth Ministries and LOVE what I do for a living, as a full time youth pastor. I feel that they are the future of our world and I love that I get a chance to invest in their lives.

28. I dont know how to swim and am hugely afraid of large bodies of water.

29. My favorite Bible Verse is: Proverbs 3:5-6- Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways awknowledge him and he will direct your paths.

30. My favorite song in the world is, "His Eye is on the Sparrow". Because its my moms favorite and she used to sing it to us every night when she would sing me to sleep. In fact, I often think back to those times and hope to one day sing to my children the way she sang to me.

Well, there you go, you know MORE than 15 things about me, infact, I gave you 15 bonuses, arent you lucky :) That is the most I have shared my dreams in a long time, and to be honest, it feels good to dream again and believe that these things might actually come true :)

I love you all!!!!

Becky

Its NOT about ME!!

I am going to write part 2 of the friendship blog, here in the next few days. Still something Im really thinking about and is on my heart, but I have something else that I need to share and talk about right now. Something that God has been really impressing on me the past 2 weeks. I started taking the class called, PERSPECTIVES. It is a class about Missions, actually, it is a class about who God really is and the call that he has placed on each of our lives. In this class, I have learned many things. Not just through the class though, or even the homework. Its something God has been stirring in my heart for months now.

Yesterday was my birthday, the big 2-9. My last year of my 20s! AHHHH!!! I am getting so old!!! It was fun, had lots of friends by my side. But I couldnt help but continually thinking about my mom. It was about a year ago, around the time of my birthday last year, when my mom started going through her depression. Now, as I have said before, she has dealt with it all of her life, but last year at this time, was when her most recent bout started. Just 2 weeks later she was in a horrible car accident, after trying to kill herself and was hospitalized for 7 weeks. She went through alot of physical health problems at this time along with mental health issues. Since then, it has been a roller coaster. She has had up times and down times. All I really wanted for my birthday yesterday was to get a call that she had been miracuosly healed. That she was talking and laughing again and that she was herself again. This, however, was not the case. And I will be honest and say, I was mad at God for a while yesterday. I thought, cant you even give me one good present? Cant you give me something good? Can I just have my mom back, and can I just not live alone anymore? And can I just meet the man of my dreams? And.....on and on and on. But you know what, ITS NOT ABOUT ME!! None of it is!!

While I know that God loves me and has a plan for me that I couldnt even begin to fathom, NONE of this life is about me. When he created the World and when he wrote the Bible, it was about worshipping him! ITS ABOUT HIM!! All of it. My mom will be healed in HIS ways and in HIS time, and for HIS GLORY. I will find the man of my dreams, in GODS timing, when HE is ready and when HE shows me who that man is that HE has created just for me, and I for him.

I have been reading alot more than ever lately, partly for class, partly for lesson planning, mostly, because for the first time in my life, I have a passion to devour the word of God and truly know him more, to love him more than I do. One book I have been reading is called, Crazy Love, by Francis Chan, I love it, because its like the journey that God took him on and is taking him on, is so parallel to the one that I am starting on, Im so glad that he wrote books and made videos of this time, God inspired him to do that, and I think we can all learn from that. In one of his books, he quotes A.W. Tozer, who is also a great author and theologian. Tozer says that "what you think about God, is the most important thing about you". Think about that, what I think about God, is the most important thing about me? Now why is that? I think its several things. First of all, because how I think of him and react to him, is reflected in my everyday life. The question I have been asking myself is this, do I even think enough about God?

Chan made these videos to go along with the book he wrote, and in one of them he takes a stick and he writes the name of God in the sand, he procedes to talk about God, who he really is, what he has done. Why we should be in awe of him, and then he says, but who is he to you? Or is he just a name in the sand? And I have been thinking about that all day. Because not for one second do I just want God to be a name in the sand to me. But, has he become that in my life? Have I known him for so long, that he is just another person in my life, just another name. Am I even in awe of him and his greatness. Or do I just expect him to be there in my life, and get angry when hes not, or offer a 30 second praise when he does something I like? I have to say, that until recently, he has been just that to me, just a name in the sand. I have heard the stories of Jesus so many times, I dont even listen to them anymore. I have sung so many songs about him and his power, I dont even know if I believe it anymore. I have prayed so many prayers, and I dont even know if I expect them to come true anymore. WHO IS GOD TO ME! And why have I made it all about ME for so long?

I want to know him more, I want to love him more, I vow that from this point on, God is and will always be much more than a name in the sand to me!!! HOw about you?

Love

Becky

Friends are Friends Forever Part 2

Okay, so as promised, part 2 of the blog:



Shannon. Shannon and I have been very close since college. I graduated from college in 2005. We went to Vennard College together for a few years. We actually met at a summer camp during my freshman year of college, her senior year of high school. She came to Vennard the following fall, she was a freshman, I was a sophmore, we lived down the hall from each other, and while I tease her alot, I thought that she hated me at camp. I was a counselor and I just thought that she and her friends hated me. I really have no basis for this thought at all. Other than, I had very low self esteem and probably just assumed that she didnt like me. None the less, when she got to college, we became fast friends. We would stay up late at night in the dorm, Shannon, Me, and Jill, our rooms were almost right in order down the hallway of the 2nd floor of the dorm, just one girl in between shannon and my rooms, lavonne, I always felt bad for her, because the 3 of us girls were night owls, we loved to stay up late, not studying or anything crazy like that. No, we liked to laugh and joke. If i told you of some of the things we talked about or games we made up, youd think we were crazy, which we probably were! But, we were bestfriends! Shannon got married while we were still in college and moved out of the dorm. This was a hard time for me, because now she lived in a house across town, and so we didnt get to have our late nights in the dorm. Id still drive over and be at her house until very late at night, but I missed her in the dorm. After college, we both remained in the same town. Shannons senior year, she asked me to be in her Senior Chapel, this was right after quite a difficult time in her life, which I am not going to disclose here. She went through some tough times, and I as a friend, tried to be there for her as much as I possibly could. She did an amazing job speaking! I was so proud of her! To this day, I am still very proud of her. Shannon and I dont live in the same town anymore, and sometimes I miss being able to drive across town when I want to see her. I miss having someone who just knows me inside and out and how I am feeling before I even tell her. Someone who often times, feels the same way I do about about things. Shannon is the true definition of a friend. She is someone who has loved me not in spite of all of my short comings, but rather, BECAUSE of them. She loves me for exactly the person that I am and has never expected me to be someone different. She has spurred me on at times to be someone greater than I am allowing myself to be and she has supported me when noone else did. She has been there through the tough times of life that I didnt want to share with anyone else. And she inspires me each day to be a better person. She pushes me to grow closer to God and to follow his heart.



Meggan is another friend from college. Meggan and I, are a little bit more alike than Shannon and I. That is, we both love pop music, we both love fashion, and in college, we were both pretty boy crazy, I, admittedly, much more than she! Meggan and I would have overnighters all the time! Shed sleep on one of the bed and me on the other, someone always had a foot in their face :) but we somehow didnt care! Meggan always makes me laugh. and Meggan has always thought more of me than I have of myself. She has always seen something greater in me than I have seen in myself. Meggan is that friend, that now, lives hours away from me. She lives 6 hours away from me right now :( but, she is the friend who, no matter how much distance or time has passed between us, we always pick back up right where we left off! I remember 2 summers ago, it had been quite a while since we had seen each other, and we were asked to counsel at a camp together, just the 2 of us girls! and I LOVED IT!! We stayed up late at night, after our girls went to bed and we just talked. Like old times. This summer, when my mom went missing for a few days, Meggan got right on the phone and in tears asked me if there was anything she could do and scolded me for not calling to talk to her about things before they got to this point. She wanted to be there for me, and I had, in a sense, robbed her of that chance. Meggan is another TRUE friend. She has always been there for me. She has always cared for me. She is a "forever friend" if you will. Someone I know, that for the rest of my life, she will always been in my "top 5 friends list". Yes I have one of those :) But Meggan is definetly one of those.



WOW!!! This is kinda fun for me! Hope you guys are still tracking with me, I still have a few more and then I am going to tell you why I did this at the end :)



Melissa. Melissa is a friend from Red Rock Camp. It is hard for me to remember how long we have known each other at this point. I would say at least 5 years, probably 7 years actually. At any rate...Melissa is like a long lost friend, that I wish I would have known for many more years of my life than I have. Melissa is someone who I can lean on. She is someone who doesnt judge me. She loves me for exactly who I am and would not expect me to be anything else around her. Melissa and I live about 3 hours apart, but the distance doesnt keep us from being close. Melissa is the type of friend who calls just to see how I am doing. Who genuinely cares about me and my well being. She wants the best for me in life. And I am SO THANKFUL for that!! Melissa is someone who is a good listener, but she is always someone who allows me to share in her hurts and pains with her, and someone who shares the joys with me too!!! Shes just a great friend! When I have worries or anxiety, she doesnt think Im crazy, in fact, she understands and tries to help me through it!



Trista. Trista is someone who I have not known for that long. Actually, I just met her when I moved here to Sumner. She has been AMAZING though, and has made this move one that has been easy. You see, I told you that I was scared about moving here and finding genuine friends, Trista is one of those to me! She allows me to be completely myself around her. She is one of the few people in my life who I am able to tell EVERYTHING to. I mean EVERYTHING! Her 15 year old son said to me the other day, "I think you and my mom are long lost sisters", and I will be honest with you, I think he could be right! This year, as I was diagnosed with PCOS, I thought it was the end of the world, I didnt feel like I would have anyone to talk to about it, because noone would understand, God blessed me with Trista! She has it too! I can share this here, because God has done some amazing miracles in her life through it! When I was diagnosed, the doctor informed me, that it may be that when the time came and I was married and ready for children, I just might not be able to have them. I was DEVESTATED! I have always dreamed of being a wife and a mom...and that dream seemed to have been shot down. But as I sit with Trista, in her home, having heard that her doctor said the same thing, God has assured me he is BIGGER! Because, we sit in her home, with her 15 year old son, her 7 year old son, her 3 triplet sons, and her beautiful daughter, and I see that with God it is all possible! She is an amazing mother who I am blessed to know and model some of my life after! She is someone who knows and understands this thing I deal with, when I thought noone else would! We can sit and talk for hours in her house, on the phone. We just talk! Shes an inspiration to me and she is someone who, has dreams for me just as I have dreams for myself. She wants to see me happy and she wants to see me succeed.



These 4 women have been AMAZING inspirations in my life! I am sharing these women, because I know we all have these people in our lives, those people who make us better and stronger. Without them in our lives, we would not be the same. I also want you to see and understand this, I have had the priviledge and chance to also BE friend to many people. So while this post, I shared with you those who have poured in to me, and these are just 4 of MANY people who have poured in to me, next post, about friendship, I am going to share with you some of those people who God has blessed me and allowed me to impact. Not in a conceded way at all, more in a way of humbleness, that God allowed me to be a part of his plan. THat he chose to use me and bless me through that! How great a gift!

I also want to share in other posts more of those people who have poured in to me, so look for your name in future posts :) To all of you who have been my friends, who have taken the time to pour into my life, I want to say, THANK YOU! You have made me who I am today, and you continue to spur me on to make myself a better person each day of my life. I am blessed because you are part of my life! I will never be the same because of you in my life. Lets continue to serve and love our GOD together!