I think that every year I write a blog about New Years Eve, almost like a tradition or something. I think I write a blog on Valentines Day every year too. But here it goes...
Since I was a little girl, Christmas has always been one of my favorite times of year. I loved decorating the house with my mom, I loved going shopping with my mom, I dont even mean just for presents, but I mean going to get all the groceries and things needed to make the holidays special. We always drove around our neighborhood looking at lights, one of moms favorite things to do each year :) I loved going to houses and delivering goody plates with her that she had taken such care to make for each and every person she was delivering too. I loved how Bryan and I would wake up on Christmas morning to the presents under the tree :) We always knew that wasnt the reason for the season, but it was still a special time, Bryan had his side, all of his presents wrapped in paper mom had speically chosen and taken care to wrap each gift, his boy stocking and boy snowflake bear carefully placed in front of his mound of gifts. and my side of the tree the same, my carefully wrapped gifts, my snowflake girl bear, and my girl stocking :) Daddy and Mommys gifts always in the middle. It was always tradition that I had more presents on my side of the tree than Bryan. My mom HATED this, but here is the thing, Bryan would ask for things like guitars, amplifiers, big gifts :) and I would ask for cd's, dvd's, make up, books, the littler gifts. The Christmas season was a speical time in our house. It started at Thanksgiving, mom always made a huge meal and for breakfast her speical egg casserole, we would settle down for the Macys parade and mom would watch while running in and out of the kitchen getting our meal ready for the day. We would then go to our adopted Grandma and Grandpas place and eat with them. We had a tradition that before we ate anything we would go around the table and share what we were thankful for. I LOVED going to grandma and grandpa lindseys. Then Bryan and I would come back home and watch Home Alone.
I could go on and on about our traditions, but you see, this year, I HATED the holidays :( I know I sound like scrooge, but its true I hated it. I put up decorations here in the house to keep in the spirit, but all it did was serve as a reminder of my mother, we put all of HER decorations up. Her favorite part of Christmas, in college, my friends would joke that Christmas threw up in our house and they LOVED it and so did we!! Dad and I were alone on Thanksgiving, we watched the parade, dad even made breakfast, but it just wasnt the same. We went to see mom, but she just didnt have much happiness either. Bryan and Molly came to visit a few weeks later, a week before actual Christmas. and we had a great visit, but it sure wasnt long enough, and it still meant that on the actual Christmas Eve and Day, Daddy and I were again, alone. We went to church, we went to see mom, but it just wasnt the same. I found myself wishing the days would just be over and done with....because seeing peoples facebooks about celebrating their holidays just made me more mad and more jealous with every glance.
Now its New Years Eve and here I am, sitting alone again. My dad is here and we are trying to make it special, but its just NOT THE SAME!!! I miss my mom! I miss my brother! I just plain MISS THE WAY THINGS USED TO BE!! I know, I know, as we grow up those things change, but that just sucks. You see, if you look back up to all the traditions of Christmas, they all include my mom. and this season has just served as a reminder that she is still not here with us, at least she is still alive and we can visit her....but I still miss her!!
I guess that this year, New Years Eve is going to be a night of prayer for me. Prayer that things will be different and better in 2012! I want my mom to get her life back! I want my dad not to be so lonely! I want to find the man of my dreams. I want 2012 to be a year of joy!!!! It is also happens to be the year that I turn.....gulp....30! So I hope it is not selfish, but I am hoping for a better year.
I do want to say that I am VERY THANKFUL for the things God did this year. My mother is still in remission from her cancer!!!! Praise the Lord!!! Since moving home and into a house with my dad, his health is better than it has been in very long time!! My physical health has gotten better as well, still not quite up to par, but SO MUCH better than it was. My brother and his wife are having an amazing ministry in Bolivia. I had a good ministry in Sumner and am having a great ministry now that I have moved back to Oskaloosa as well. Although I have had many trials this year, I am thankful that through them all, God has drawn my closer to himself. I am very thankful that I serve a living God!!!
Happy New Year to you all :)
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