This past week, I had amazing opportunity to go and work at Royal Family Kids Camp. This was something I was very excited about, many of you who know me well, know that camp is something that I LOVE!!! Since college that is my summer, counseling at camps, working with youth, I just love it!!! My dream job, other than the one I have right of being a full time youth pastor, would be to work as a camp director. Giving children and youth a chance to have a great week of their lives. I would have camps for children with disabilities, children with terminal illnesses, children who are families of those with terminal illnesses, regular camps, and camps like the one I just went to. That would be my dream.
This week, at Royal Family Kids Camp, 100% of the children attending are from abused and neglected homes. And they are all from our state! All from the very areas that we live in every day of our lives, what a mission field, that we sometimes forget is even there! I love these children so much, my heart broke for them as we were working at camp this week. It was alot harder for me than I thought it would be. I guess I kind of went into this camp thinking arrogantly to be honest. Thinking, oh well I have done camps since college, I can handle this and it will be just fine. Boy was I wrong!!! This camp changed my life in ways I never even dreamed it would.
First of all, to sit at night with a little girl and sing her to sleep was just awesome! She had never been sung to sleep before and she just loved it :) and so did I! One night, I had to hold back tears as I thought about how, for Bryan and I, this was an every night occurance, my mom would come into Bryans room first, rub his back and sing and then he would drift off to sleep, then it was my turn, I took much longer, because I loved it so much, I loved to sing with her, it was one my favorite parts of the day and a memory I still treasure to this day, and now, God gave me a chance, even if only for 5 days, to give that memory to this little girl! How awesome is that? She was the sweetest thing too.
I conquored some pretty big fears this week too, I got in the pool 4 times! Which, for me, is a HUGE deal, because I HATE SWIMMING! Mainly, because I dont know how and it just plain scares me! But to see the faces of those girls light up when I got in the pool to swim with them and play with them, it was worth every tear that I shed trying to face the fear. and now, I actually enjoy the pool! and look forward to going back and maybe even learning how to actually swim!!
Another part of camp was truly seeing myself in God eyes, you see, I struggle daily with my self esteem. Partly because of horrible people from my past and mean things they said, I had a GREAT family, I just didnt always have great friends or relationships. People can be cruel, and I feel like it is some kind of sickness that satan uses on me, but I remember almost every mean and hurtful thing that has ever been said to me, as I have shared in past blogs. Getting past that has been hard, but God reminded me that just as he loves these kids and gives them new names and sees them in ways that they cant even imagine, he sees that beauty in me too. Using my gifts this week helped me see that. I got to help with music, sing, make up actions, have fun, and the kids embraced that and it was awesome! I got to see myself through the lens of God, even for just a second, and the beauty I saw was hard for me to accept or believe. How could God really see me that way? How could these kids see me that way? But they did, just as I saw their beauty, they saw mine and we shared in it together. Same with many of the staff, we saw this beauty that we may have never seen in one another before and it was AWESOME! We lived this week the way God intended for us to live and I miss it!
Leaving and coming back was very tough. To hear one child say to his counselor, "please take me home with you, please, if I come and live with you, at least I wont be locked in a closet" to see another child grab handfuls of cookies before he left the church because he didnt know when he would be fed again. To see the faces of these kids as their parents came to get them and they didnt even hug or smile after not seeing their child for a week. To see one mom grab the arm of her child and say lets get going while the child tried to say good bye to her counselor. To see the faces of some of the kids as they went back into their shells as soon as we arrived home, THAT WAS HEARTBREAKING!
These kids deserve to live the life we gave them for a week all year round. They deserve 3 good meals a day, attention from adults, love and care, a bath everyday. I know that I realize how great I had it now. I knew it before, but its just so much more real now. I have memories of my mom bringing treats to school, cookies made speical for each child with their name written on them, singing us to sleep every night, birthday parties at adventureland, happy joes, mc donalds and other fun places, fishing every summer with my dad, playing catch with my daddy and brother every summer. Sledding with them in the winter and then coming back in the house with hot chocolate and cookies that my mom had made. Christmases with lots of presents, movies and an amazing dinner. I could go on and on. and all of this, topped off by saying that EVERYDAY, at least once, if not mulitiple times a day, my mom and dad hugged me and told me they loved me! and so did my brother. (okay, not in high school, we were too cool then) :) But I had all this blessing and I missed it sometimes by wishing I had more.
I am so thankful that out of all I have been given, I was able to give back just a little bit. THat hopefully, through my blessings, I was able to bless some children this week as well! God is good, and he is going to be with those kids even when we cant! But I sure do miss them and wish I could do more!!!!
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