Choose Joy

So its November. Thanksgiving time to be exact. Now, for those of you who know me at all, you know that November has become a very difficult time for me. Its my "dark month" if you will. It all actually starts in October. October is a time of great loss for many of my friends and family members. And October is the month when I got the call last year that I would be loosing my mom to her battle with Cancer, just 10 days later, on November 8th, I lost her on this Earth. Now, I know that I have hope of seeing her again someday. I know that she had GREAT FAITH and that she lived her life for God. I know that she left an incredible legacy, but all of that doesnt change the fact that right now, she is gone. I cant pick up the phone and call her on the days when Im hurting, I cant laugh with her at the funny things. I cant come home for the holidays and enjoy her food and help her decorate. It doesnt change the fact that right now, she is gone! and I miss her. 

I pride myself in being very bubbly and happy most of the time. But the past few weeks, I have lost that Becky in the memory of my mom. I havent felt happy. I havent wanted to feel happy. I have found myself going into this dark place of anger and bitterness and somehow, in a weird way, finding solace there. I know its not what my mom would want. I know deep down its not what I want. But its where Im finding myself if Im truly honest with you. 

A few weeks ago my friends started talking about tattoos and how they wanted one. I didnt say much during the conversation, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought that maybe I want one. Maybe getting one to remind me of my moms great Philosophy, maybe that would help carry on her legacy. You see my mom was one of the most caring people I know. My mom faced so much in her short life. But she was always strong. Always faithful. and Always thinking of others before herself. My mom loved people. And my mom always chose to have joy even in the midst of great trial. Its what I keep reminding myself of daily, "Choose Joy". You see, its because Joy is a choice. Happiness is a feeling, its something that is fleeting and its something that we cant fully rely on. But Joy. With Joy there is MORE. Its a confidience, a choice, a life that we choose to live. Its like in Daniel 3 when Shadrack, Meshack, and Abednego, as they faced the furnace they were about to be thrown in. Those men Chose Joy. They looked the King in the eyes and said, "We know our God will save us, but EVEN IF he doesnt, he is STILL OUR GOD!" You see, Choosing Joy is just like this. Its saying, I dont feel happy at all right now. I dont feel like celebrating at all right now. But I choose to remember that God is still God. That God has a plan here. I choose to remember that I have many blessings in my life, even though my mom is not her physically.

So today, at the end of this blog post, I would like to share some of my favorite memories with her. and I want to count the blessings I have in my life. 

Thanksgiving was my moms favorite holiday. She HATED the fact that Christmas was always over commercialized and that Thanksgiving got over looked. She LOVED to take the time to be thankful for what God had given her. 

Thanksgiving was a very special day in our house. It started early in the morning, We would wake up to the smell of my moms delicious Egg Bake Casserole and Cinnamon Rolls. She even made us fresh orange juice!

During Breakfast, we would watch the Macys Thanksgiving Day Parade on Television. Now let me tell you a secret. NOONE else in our house likes the Parade, but its my FAVORITE, so my family chose to put their time aside and watch it with me :) and they even pretended to enjoy it! They watched from beginning to end with me, even my favorite part, all of the people from Broadway performing before the parade. 

My mom would sneak away during the second half of the parade to wash dishes and begin cooking our meal for the day. and as he got older, my brother started cooking with her. They made some of the BEST meals in the world. My mom made the most delicious Butterhorn Rolls ever. And if you had a chance to taste them, you know Im not exaggerating. She would make turkey, corn casserole, potato casserole, green bean casserole, and even oysters, for my daddy, even though the rest of us hated them. :) 

My adopted grandparents lived in the basement of our duplex and so when lunch was made and the parade was over we would take the food downstairs to have lunch with Grandma and Grandpa Lindsay. Grandpa would always say, "This is the day that the Lord has made" as we walked into the house and we always finished by saying, "Let us rejoice and be glad in it". We would then sit down at the table. We were to go around the table and share one thing we were thankful for that year. Then we all prayed together. After lunch, we helped clean up and then mom and dad visited with Grandma and Grandpa. and THIS was my brother and my favorite part of the day. 

Because it was just upstairs, my mom let us go upstairs on our own to watch Home Alone. We could quote most of the movie to you. But we loved to laugh together and watch the movie together. It was our time of bonding. When that was done, my mom had desert for us. Pumpkin Pie for me, Pecan Pie for my brother, and Mince Meat Pie for my daddy. 

We ended the day with getting out the Christmas Decorations. and preparing to put them up the next day. and then we would pile in the car to go see what Christmas lights had already been put up. My brother didnt like this part of the day and usually fell asleep on my shoulder in the backseat during this time. But I wouldnt trade those moments for anything. 

You see, when you build such big traditions, loosing them is hard. It makes celebrating difficult. Suddenly you dont want to, I dont want to create new memories, because I liked the ones we already had :( I miss my mom. I miss my brother. But this year, I promise to be here for my daddy and make sure that he is NOT alone. 

I have SO MUCH to be thankful for! I am blessed!