I have opened up on my blog a lot about my mother and some of the things she went through in life. I have opened up about some of the things my family went through as well. Depression and suicide are not easy things, they are not easy for the person that is going through them and they are not easy for the family that is impacted by them either. My mother suffered from depression for many years of our lives, the earliest I remember her suffering is from age 12. My mother attempted to end her life several times and I remember it. My mother was hospitalized for her depression. My family went through some counseling to help us understand and work through it. And I remember it. I remember many things. I learned many things from my mother and the illness she had to battle.
I learned perseverance because she daily had to persevere through some of the hardest days of her life. Mental Illness is a silent illness, many people have no idea that you are suffering, no idea how hard it is just to make it through a day. And she made it through many. And she did it with great grace.
I learned the meaning of faith. I learned that God is good, ALL. THE. TIME. Even in the hardest of times, he is good and he is worthy of our praise. In moments of my moms depression, in moments of her physical illnesses (cancer, meningitis, cellulits, arthritis, and LOADS of other things), she NEVER stopped having faith in God. She was always praying, always trusting, always reading her Bible, always reminding us that God has a plan in life, no matter how bad it looks.
I learned what it means to be selfless. My mother never thought of herself first, she was always thinking of others. She was always caring for other people. Her life was lived for others and more than that, for the glory of God. A few years before my mother got cancer, I got very sick myself. The doctors did a lot of testing and for a while were stumped as to what they thought it might be. Slowly, we found out I had a thyroid problem, but it took months of getting through it. I had anxiety, I had depression, I was not doing well at all, and my mother took care of me. She took me for drives in the car, just to get out of the house and talk. She put me before herself. She knew what I was going through, she put herself in my shoes and she helped me through one of the hardest times of my life.
I learned that FAMILY always comes first. My father, my brother, and I, were my moms first priority. ALWAYS! She went out of her way to work with my father to give my brother and I the best opportunities. My family did community theater together for years, all of us working together. My mom made treats for us for school all the time. My parents didn't have much money, but they made sure that Bryan and I had some great vacations and fun summer trips. We made memories, we had traditions. Christmas at the Cannys was one of the BEST days of the year for my brother and I. Adventureland Birthdays for my brother Bryan. Every Saturday Night was Gaither Night in our house. My parents LOVED Southern Gospel Music, so my mom would make pizza or tacos and we would sit down as a family and watch together. My brother and I didnt always like it, but now, Id do anything for a Gaither Night. Friday Nights were our favorite night of the week. If my brother and I were really good throughout the week, we would get to rent a VCR or a Super Nintendo and have fun all weekend long :) This, of course, was AFTER we got to choose where we wanted to go out to eat at one of the few restaurants in our small town. I could go on and on. But you can see, FAMILY always came before anything else.
I learned how to make everyone feel special. My mom always made people in her life feel special. When my brother and I were little kids, she made these cookies. They were delicious, and she made them for all the holidays, Thanksgiving we had turkeys, Christmas we had Christmas Trees, etc. But she went the extra mile, she wrote each one of our friends names on the cookies. She got our class list from school and made sure each student had their name on a cookie. She even brought a few extras just in case she missed someone. At Christmas my mom made the best goodie plates EVER and we went to peoples homes and delivered them just to let them know how much they meant to us. If you were in my moms life, she cared about you, no matter who you were or how well she knew you.
I could keep going on with the THOUSANDS of lessons my mom taught me. But I am sharing these things with you for a reason. You see, THIS is what I remember about my mom. I dont remember her for the times that she tried to end her life. I remember the caring, selfless, amazing, and incredible woman that she was.
Cancer took my mother when it was her time to go, but I know the pain of suicide. I know the pain you feel when your loved one is so down, you cant help them, no matter how much you try. As we continue to see Robin Williams story in the news, may we remember that many families are suffering from the effects of depression and suicide everyday. May we remember that this could happen to ANYONE. and most of all, may we remember that it is more than just the moments in life that define us.
I once heard a pastor say that too often we define ourselves solely by our sin and we need to remember that our sin, those moments we mess up, they are just that, they are moments. They dont define who we are as a person, they dont define our identity for even a second. They are just moments.
I love my mother so much and I was blessed to call her mother. I had a very unique privilege in my life, a very special gift that God gave me when he decided to give me Brenda Joyce Canny as a mother. Im so thankful and so proud of her and the woman she was.
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