My mom loved hymns. I remember that Saturday Nights in our house used to be "Gaither Night". We, as a family, would sit down and watch the Gaither Vocal Band. For those of you who dont know what that is, its a Southern Gospel Group. Over the years, the Gaithers have travelled all over putting on Gospel concerts and they also consist of singing hymns. Now understand, my mom didnt just love the melody of the hymns, she loved the words. She would sometimes sing to us at night as she was putting us to bed, and to be honest, I remember, even in my teen years her sitting at the edge of my bed, talking to me late at night and singing those hymns, Id give anything for those nights again. But my mom knew all of the verses to those songs, she knew all of the words, and they meant something to her. As I listen to hymns today, as I am sometimes asked to sing them in church, her memory comes back to me each and every time. and I am SO THANKFUL for the time I got to have with her. But those hymns, they come back to me too. I remember times when I would be hurting or struggling and mom would pull out a scripture or a promise from God and she would often times have a hymn that had some words from scripture that I could stand on as well.
There is a hymn she used to love, called "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus". The words go like this:
Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
Just to take him at his word
Just to know that thou art with me
Wilt be with me to the end
Jesus, Jesus, How I trust him
How Ive proved him ore and ore
Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus
oh for grace to trust him more
I was talking to my Pastor yesterday and we had a great conversation. Now, just a quick note here, my Pastor and his family truly are a second family to me. They have seen me at my worst and at my best, and they love me just the same. So, sometimes, Pastor Paul will say things to me pretty straight forward, and I have learned to love these talks. Yesterday, he looked me and he just said, "Becky, you worry too much". Where did worrying ever get anyone? He reminded me that I cant do this ministry, I cant do any of life on my own, but with the strength and help of God, I can do some pretty big things. I had lost sight of that for a while. I had been so focused on worrying and fretting and trying to do this all on my own, that I had failed to remember that this call God puts on our lives, he never intends for us to answer it alone. He never intends for us to take it on without him. He wants to be partners with us. He wants us to do this thing together. To trust him, to hold on to him, to believe that he has an incredible plan for our lives.
Today, I am realizing just how much I have missed by not trusting him lately. As I entered into a time of prayer last night and this morning, I gave up a ton of things to God that I had been holding on to for far too long. I was reminded of promises that he gave me that he desperately wants to fulfill, but I keep getting in the way because of my worry, my doubt, and my fear. Trust is a pretty big deal, and for me, its not something I do super easily. I dont share the things that are going on in my life, what Im feeling, what Im thinking, etc. I dont like to become vulnerable. Its a scary thing. But, its part of trusting, trusting God, trusting the people he has placed in my life. Its what he has called me to do.
I was listening to a sermon from Doug Fields today, he is an amazing Youth Ministry author, and I love so much of the stuff he has to say and write, God has used him in mighty ways. In his sermon Doug said this: "I often limit God's power in my life when I don't fully trust him."
"I often limit Gods power in my life when I dont fully trust him". Those are pretty big words. Those are some pretty big words! I wonder how many times I have limited God lately because of my own fear and doubt? How many things have I missed out on because he had a plan that I didn't allow myself to be a part of?
God has so many great things for me, I just have to learn to start trust him more. So today, those words from that hymn ring true to me. There is a sweet joy and freedom in learning to trust God, rely on him, and quit trying to do it on my own. I sure do miss my mom, but as I often say in this blog and in life, I am daily thankful for the incredible legacy she left behind her. And I am blessed to have known her. I am daily honored and humbled by the gift of the savior she introduced me and my brother to. My life would not be the same without it, and I wouldnt want it any other way.
